Dulce

17

Istare out at the night sky and blow on the rim of the cup to cool my tea.

I can hear the faint noise of the television in the background, but I tune it out, needing solitude tonight over company.

Dmitri and Luke are inside watching some action flick—or Luke is. Dmitri was doing something on his laptop, and I have no idea where the asshole twins are tonight.

I turn over everything I found out today about Louise and shake my head. It’s messed up. A sad tale of tragedy and wasted life, and for what? I’d passed on what I knew to Sugar, but I wasn’t expecting a call back until tomorrow. I know Sugar will chew away at it until she exposes something because whatever is tripping my senses is tripping hers, too.

I sip my tea and wrap the throw blanket a little tighter, imagining it’s a pair of arms hugging me. Yeah, it makes me a little nutty, but even girls like me just want to be held sometimes. A strength to withstand the calamity that threatens to rip me apart.

The door opens a crack. I don’t turn, I just wait.

After a brief moment of quiet, footsteps sound before someone sits beside me.

“Everything okay?”

I look at Luke and shrug. I don’t have the energy to lie right now, but telling him I’m not okay will lead to questions.

“Anything I can help with?”

I purse my lips and pretend to think.

“Do you remember a girl named Louise Rollins?”

He freezes. If his answer is anything other than yes, I’ll know he’s lying.

“Yeah.” He swallows, looking away to stare at the stars. “Sweet kid, quiet, did her own thing. Never really got into trouble.”

“Sounds like she was a good person.”

He nods.

“So how does a girl like that end up in a place like this?”

He frowns as if that thought never occurred to him.

“What do you think happened to her anyway? I mean, I heard stories today, but you know what this place is like. Everyone has a different theory about what happened.”

He walks over to the railing and leans his elbows on it, his whole body tense.

“It was ruled as an accident,” he tells me.

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I can’t talk to you about this, Everly. I was her guidance counselor, for God’s sake.”

“She’s dead, Luke. Nothing you tell me is going to matter to her anymore.”

He bows his head, and for a moment, I feel like a bitch. I can tell by looking at him how heavily this weighs on him.

I ignore the guilt and push on. Guilt won’t bring Louise back, and it sure as hell won’t prevent any more Louise’s from being taken.

“She was struggling. Her father died six months before she started, and her mom had checked out for four months, until she started dating his best friend. A month after that, they were married, and Louise was placed here. She never really had a chance to process anything. There was a note in her file that said she had anger issues, but I think she just needed people to back the fuck off and give her room to breathe, you know?”

I nod. Nothing can fuck up a person more than family. It can be the best support system in the world, or it can be the albatross around your neck. I was sure as hell not in a position to judge.

By all accounts, it seemed Louise turned her emotions inward, not outward. Nobody had reported seeing her lose her shit or lash out. Even when she switched from Scott’s table to the bitch brigade, she stayed on the quiet side. Her being sent here feels like she was being punished for not embracing the family dynamic. In theory, she’d been better here, away from the pain of her new reality. But coming here only allowed more darkness into her already bleak world.

“I was worried about her. I can’t say there was anything that set me off, but red flags kept popping up whenever she spoke to me. It was something in her tone. She sounded…dead.”

I watch him as he grips his hair, shaking his head.

I place my cup on the table and shrug off the throw before stepping closer and placing my hand on his arm.

He looks at me, his hair wild now, which matches the look in his eyes.

“I called her mom. I thought she was going to hurt herself.”

“She didn’t believe you?”

“She was so doped up I’m not sure she even remembered she had a daughter. The stepfather didn’t give a shit. Said it was all for attention before telling me not to call back. Two days later, Louise was dead.”

I slide my hand up his arm, and when he turns, I step into him, wrapping my arms around him.

“It wasn’t your fault, Luke.”

“Yeah? Tell that to Louise. She reached out for help, and I failed her.”

“You are not God. I’m sorry she’s gone. Sorry, she felt she had no other way out. But the truth is, if it’s what she really, truly wanted, there was nothing you could have said or done to change it.”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, but he folds his arms around me and rests his chin on my head.

He pulls back after a minute and looks down at me.