“Distance is not the answer in a relationship. For God’s sake. Communication is the answer. Even I know that much.”
Sam put his glass down and drew Jason into his arms. Jason didn’t try to pull away, but he didn’t surrender either. He still felt bruised, uncertain.
Sam kissed his temple, the side of his mouth, soft and apologetic, taking nothing for granted. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you. I never want to hurt you.”
But he sure had a knack for it.
Jason said wearily, “I know. But you didn’t want this relationship.” He’d had plenty of time to think on the flight too. “There’s no secret about that. You’ve been fighting it since day one.”
“I want this relationship more than anything.”
Sam said it so simply, so sincerely, it was impossible not to believe him—and Jason wanted to believe him. So much. Too much. His throat closed, and he shook his head.
Sam bent his head, said against his ear, “It doesn’t matter how it started or what I once felt. It doesn’t matter that it scares the hell out of me. I want it, and I’m willing to do whatever you want. Whatever will make you happy. If I can. I’m not saying I won’t make mistakes or screw it up again, but if you could just remember that however…fucked up I seem, however fucked up I am… I love you.”
Jason wiped impatiently at his eyes. “I feel like we’ve been here before, and I just…can’t keep doing this.”
He felt Sam’s swallow. Felt Sam’s pain without having to look at him. How could you know someone so well—and not at all?
It was frightening that so much of his happiness depended on another person.
But wasn’t that what Sam struggled with too?
Sam whispered, “Okay, West. Whatever you want. I mean that. If you want me to go, I will.”
Jason closed his eyes. Yes or no? If they were just going to end up here again in a couple of months, wouldn’t it be easier to get it over with now?
Yes, it would be easier. It was called giving up, and that was always easier. Whether it was art or love, anything worth having was worth fighting for.
Jason opened his eyes. “Don’t go.”
Jason West and Sam Kennedy will return Winter 2020