“What do you want?” I whisper.
“What I deserve.”
“Are you sure you didn’t get what you deserved that night? Because I know what I saw.”
“Then how come nobody went to the cops?”
“How do you know we didn’t?”
“You’re cute but stop fucking around. We both know you didn’t.”
“You didn’t go either.”
“I could. I’ve been thinking about it.” He’s still holding my arm, and now his fingers dig in until I have to grit my teeth. “I’m wondering what it’s worth to you.”
My heart lifts into my throat. “Don’t do it. We can all agree on what was happening out there.”
“Please. There’s no proof, and everybody saw what we were doing before that. Nobody would buy it. I could get that stepbrother of yours locked up for a long time.”
I gasp. “No!” That was a mistake. I know it right away. The second his mouth twists in a nasty smile. I did exactly what he wanted.
“So it means something to you. I wasn’t sure until now. You want to make sure he doesn’t go to prison, don’t you?” Logan lowers his head, and a shudder of revulsion runs through me. “So I’ll ask you again. How much is my silence worth?”
“I don’t have any money. I’m not rich. I don’t know what I could give you.”
“Are you so sure about that?” I shudder again when his lips graze my ear. “You smell nice. I bet we could come to an agreement, since you’re so desperate to keep your brother from getting what he deserves.”
It’s my turn to order, but I’m afraid to move.
“Come on,” the girl behind the register calls out. “Next!”
Logan growls in my ear. “I’ll find you again. Start thinking about what would happen to that pretty boy brother of yours in prison and how much you want to make sure that doesn’t happen.” And then he’s gone like he was never here. So suddenly I would wonder if I imagined the whole thing if it wasn’t for the ache in my arm and the taste of bile in my mouth.
I order the food and drinks without thinking, rattling off the order. Completely calm on the outside.
Losing my shit on the inside.
25
“No fair! You can’t mix the colors!” Lucy’s voice rings out when I enter the house.
I feel dazed, like I’m in another world. It was exhausting to pretend everything was okay when I was out with Franky. I’ve been pretending for hours. At least I could quietly freak out during the movies, but I had to make conversation at the restaurant.
What am I going to do? What happens when Logan shows up again? I should tell Hayes, shouldn’t I? What happens if he freaks out and loses control again?
“But that’s how you make new colors.” I didn’t expect to hear Hayes’s voice answering my sister. I figured she was playing a game with Bridget. Now I rush into the media room with my heart in my throat, unsure what to expect.
Play-Doh. They’re playing with Play-Doh on the coffee table. Lucy is being her bossy self, making sure Hayes doesn’t mix the colors.
“She’s kind of a purist,” I explain, making them both look up.
“Come play with us!” Lucy pats the floor next to her. I don’t have the heart to make an excuse when she looks so happy.
Hayes looks happy, too.
“I figured you would be out,” I say, sitting cross-legged on the floor with Lucy between us.
“Yeah. Bridget wasn’t feeling good, so I told her to take it easy. We don’t ever get the chance to hang out.” Hayes winks at Lucy, who grins back. Is this for real? It seems that way. I’m afraid to believe it, but I want to.
“What are you making?” I ask my sister while I open a can of blue. The smell takes me back to my childhood. I can almost forget all the fear I’ve been wrestling with.
“I’m making a big diamond ring like the one Mommy has.”
I exchange a look with Hayes, who looks like he’s trying not to laugh.
“I think I’ll make a necklace,” I decide before rolling out a handful of dough. “What are you making?” I ask Hayes.
“I don’t know. A snake?”
“Anybody can do that.” Lucy shakes her head. “Didn’t you ever do this before?”
“It’s been a long time,” Hayes says.
He’s so gentle with her. So kind and patient. It’s easy to let go of everything bothering me when it’s just the three of us. I can remember what it was like to be her age and not have anything to worry about. I wonder if he feels the same way.
And I wonder what people at school would think if they saw him now. It’s nice to have a fun secret about him instead of the secrets I’ve carried around so far.
I turn on a movie and let it play as background noise while we build things. Hayes tries to make a car, while I try to sculpt a little bicycle. Neither of us does a very good job, which leaves Lucy shaking her head mournfully. “You both need practice.”