Worse Than Enemies

The tension builds, builds, until I’m sure it’ll kill me if my racing heart doesn’t do it first. I want to scream but know I can’t, so I bite down on his shoulder before everything explodes inside me. Another few hard, deep thrusts and he roars in my ear, his body tensing, his dick still buried deep inside when he lets go. When he fills me with his cum.

The briefest, brightest red flag goes up in my head, but it’s too late now. It’s done. And I’m too out of breath and too blissed out to care very much.

He lifts his head as his hips pull back and he leaves me. Looking down between us, he grunts his approval. “That’s what I want to see. My cum dripping out of you.” It should make me wince or feel ashamed, but there isn’t that nasty little bite to his voice this time. Nothing about this time is the same as before. He isn’t so cold or cruel.

He even gets up and goes to the bathroom to get me a towel so I can clean up. No, that doesn’t make him a prince, but compared to some other things he’s put me through…

By the time I finish, he’s on his back, sprawled out without a stitch of clothes on. I wish the lights were on so I could see all of him, but I can see enough to know he’s perfect. I almost don’t dare to stretch out next to him, even though it feels right. When his arm winds around me, my heart sings.

For a long time we lie silent, with me too afraid to speak and too nervous to relax. I wonder if he might’ve fallen asleep until his whispers cut through the silence.

“Can I tell you something? Do you swear to never tell anybody, ever?”

“Yes. Whatever it is, you’re safe with me.”

“Safe,” he repeats with a snort. “Is there such a thing?”

“With me? Yes. I mean it. You can tell me anything.”

His chest rises and falls under my head. “Somebody… makes me do things I don’t want. To them. And I have to let them do things to me.” His voice is so choked. So full of pain. “It started a few months ago. During the summer.”

I hold my breath. My heart hammers. This is it. What I’ve been waiting to hear.

“At first, I thought I was imagining things,” he murmurs. “That kind of thing doesn’t happen to guys. Girls, yeah, but not guys. Getting stared at. Getting asked uncomfortable questions. I used to brush it off and act like it was joke but it never stopped.”

He shivers. “It only got worse. More, all the time. It wasn’t enough to touch me. I had to touch back. I couldn’t say no. I still can’t.”

“Oh, Hayes. I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“I just want it to stop. I want it to be over. That’s...” He lets out a shuddering sigh. “That’s what I was thinking about when you found me that day. How much I want everything to end. I feel so dirty all the time. And weak.”

“You’re not weak.”

“Then I should stop it, right? If I’m not weak, how come it keeps happening?”

“Like you said, you don’t feel like you can stop it.”

“I can’t stop it. Things will get so much worse if I do. I know it. They made sure I know it. I’m trapped. There’s no way out.” It sounds like he’s on the verge of tears again.

Maybe that’s what gets me crying. I can’t stop it from happening. Tears roll down my cheeks and drip onto his bare chest.

“Are you crying?”

I lift my head, nodding, straining to kiss him. It’s all I can think to do. To kiss him, to show him I’m here with him. That he could admit the truth to me and I’m not going anywhere. I don’t blame him. I only want to help.

Except he pulls his head back, his eyes narrowing. “What is this? Pity?”

“No,” I mumble, confused. “I only wanted to kiss you.”

“While you’re crying over me? Is that what you think I want? Somebody feeling bad for me, pitying me? I knew I shouldn’t have told you.”

“No, I’m glad you did.”

“Right. So you can feel sorry for me.” He practically shoves me away, folding his arms over his chest and angling his body away from mine. “Get your shit and get out of here.”

Everything in me cries out in pain. This isn’t what I wanted. “I don’t want to leave you when you’re like this.”

“I don’t fucking care what you want. It’s my room. Get out of here and take your fucking tears with you. I don’t want them.”

Now, the tears are falling harder than before, and not only for him. For everything he’s pushing away, everything I want to give him. He won’t let himself have it.