There’s so much love, light, and goodness in her, and Conor will stomp it all away.
“My aunt said she’d give my dog to Conor if I ran away. And she said…he’d do things, bad things.”
I swallow, nodding. “He would. Conor’s an animal.”
“But you’re his friend,” she spits.
I let her go, taking a step back. “He’s not my friend. I hate him. But part of keeping the peace, stopping more death, is working with people I despise. I hate it but….”
“But more parents would be killed. No, not would be. He’d kill more parents, more wives, more children. Wouldn’t he?”
I clench my jaw, part of me wanting to shield her from the brutal realities of this life. Conor has been on his best behavior for these last few years, ever since the war with the Bonetti's ended.
But I know it would only take the slightest provocation for him to return to his old ways.
“Well?” she snaps.
“Yes. He would.”
“I could offer to buy you,” I mutter.
She flinches. “Why would you do that? You don’t even know me.”
I almost tell her, right now, let it all come tumbling out, about how she’s the woman for me, the only one. She’s the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Her curvy body will get even curvier and more gorgeous when she’s pregnant with our children.
But I stop, thinking…If I tell her, there’s no going back.
Deaths, countless deaths…
Fuck.
I can’t let that happen.
“You’re beautiful and kind and talented and…and you don’t deserve this, Lena. I’ll make the offer tomorrow.”
“What will you say, though?” she murmurs.
Her voice is rising, an excitable note in it, as though she’s daring to let herself hope.
“I don’t know,” I sigh. “I’ll think of something. I can’t tell him the truth.”
“The truth?”
I swallow, wondering how much I can reveal.
“That I want you for myself. That would only make him want you more.”
“Luca…,” she raises her hand, placing it on my chest. “What’s happening between us? Is this….”
“Say it,” I growl.
“A normal thing for you?”
“No,” I tell her firmly. “This is as new for me as it is for you. The second you walked through the door tonight, I knew I had to meet you and get to know you.”
They’re all understatements, but I can’t share the full magnitude of what I feel. It will only make it more painful if Conor refuses my offer and she’s forced to marry him.
I can’t let her marry him.
But I might not be able to stop it either.
“Your heart is beating so fast,” she whispers.
I reach up, placing my hand atop hers, pushing it harder against my chest.
“It’s you. You make me crazy, Lena.”
“If you make this offer –.”
“When,” I cut in. “There’s no if about it.”
“Okay…,” she offers a small smile, lighting me up inside. “When you make this offer, can you make sure to mention Jackson? I couldn’t bear to leave him with my aunt.”
“I shouldn’t have to buy you,” I snap. “We don’t do that shit. Even Conor’s parents, for all their fucked-up stuff, for all their murder…even after they killed my family, even they didn’t buy people.”
She shrugs. “I’m used to it. Please, remember Jackson. I should go. I can’t stay here. It hurts too much, this…this hope, you know? Feeling like there might be a way out.”
She moves to walk past me, but I dart my hand out, curling it around her wrist.
“Wait. I have to do something. I can’t let you leave until I do it.”
“What?” she whispers.
“You need to know, Lena, you don’t belong to him. You’re not his. You need to remember what happened here, with us. You need to know there is hope.”
CHAPTER
SIX
Lena
I sit in bed, my body shivering with everything that happened this evening.
My ankles throbs from the tattoo.
It’s a small piece, and I know I’ll always remember getting it fondly.
A bird in flight, ready to disappear over the horizon, ready to leave my cruel fate, represents me finding something new, something bright, something like what Luca and I shared in his office.
The tattoo gun looked so small in his big strong hand, but he handled it with skill. His expression was a picture of concentration, and his lips were shaped into something nearer to a smile than I saw earlier.
“Does it hurt?” he asked.
“A little,” I whimpered. “But it’s worth it.”
I’m still not sure exactly what happened between us.
I felt like there was so much else he wanted to say, so much he was holding back. When he offered to buy me out of the marriage, I almost screamed.
Why? I wanted to yell. Is it because you feel the same? Are you having silly thoughts too?
“What if Conor says no?” I whisper, tickling Jackson behind the ear.
I look down at my legs, not cringing like I usually do.
Whenever I show a part of my body, especially my thick legs, I often have this internal squeeze, like my self-esteem is taking a punch right to the face.