Pain bled through our bond, and he pulled me against him, breathing me in.
“I don’t want to have that meeting,” he admitted. “I’m dreading it. At the same time…being in the everlass field with you two, with Sable singing with me… It was like a dream. It reminded me of tending to the fields with my mother and her ladies when I was a boy, only it was better, and we had half of the help. I want that for us. I want it for all of us. I want her back.”
I ran my hands up his broad back and looped them around his neck, holding him tightly.
“I know. If you want her back badly enough, maybe…well, if she admits the worst, it might just be a matter of forgiveness.”
“There are some things that cannot be forgiven.”
SIX
Nyfain
I looked straight ahead as I crossed the brittle grass toward the Royal Wood. Urien had told me moments before that there was a disturbance outside of the gold reserve that I had to see to immediately. I’d been loath to part with Finley, a feeling that I doubted would ever go away, but I’d been more nervous about the shift I knew I must make.
I’d been avoiding this. My scales weren’t completely healed. I dared not hope my wings had been returned to me, but what of the color of my scales?
“Are you sure that was wise, sire?” Urien asked, speaking about my instructing Finley to take the dragons in hand and scrub away any pompousness the old court might be attempting to resurrect. I’d done it right before heading out.
Urien followed me at a respectable distance. He had always kept with the old customs, even when the world was falling down around us.
Perhaps I should do the same. The returning dragons were certainly trying to scrape together the reality—and hierarchy—they remembered. They wanted to pretend the curse hadn’t ruined us.
The curse had ruined us, though. It had put us through a grinder, scrambled the result, and then tried to burn the remains. Going back to what life had been like before didn’t seem possible. Hell, to be honest, it didn’t seem smart.
This kingdom had been struggling before the curse. No, it had been decaying from within. Touring the villages this last year had opened my eyes in a way nothing else could have. Now, learning how dissatisfied the wolves and other shifters had been with the old hierarchy?
We had to do better. I was done letting my people down. In my youth, I’d locked myself in a prison of indifference, trying to ignore the despicable things my father did in the name of solidarity. When I couldn’t contain my disgust any longer, I’d left. I’d abandoned my people to my father’s tyranny. I’d saved myself and, in the process, damned the kingdom.
My mother’s sudden reappearance had made me realize I’d been living with the wrong ghost. I’d been plagued with guilt about walking out on one person, my mother, instead of everyone else I’d abandoned.
Now I could see.
And one of the things I saw was my mate. Finley was a natural alpha like Weston. At a young age, she’d forced her village to band together to fight the sickness unleashed by the demon magic. Given their social standing in the kingdom going into the curse, they should have fared the worst, and instead they’d been impacted the least.
Then there was the way she’d spread her cure for the demon sickness, insisting that the poor and rich had equal access. And the role she’d played in breaking the curse and freeing us from Dolion.
If she saw fault in the royal court, then I’d damn well let her fix it. I had faith in her.
To Urien, I said, “It’s time for the people to learn a queen isn’t just a pretty figurehead. A queen is a leader. She’s someone to shoulder the weight of the royal duty alongside the king. We’ll rule together, or we’ll all crumble.”
“Yes, sire,” he said crisply. He wasn’t the sort to argue, so that tone was the only pushback I would get.
I needed to surround myself with people who weren’t afraid to tell me their thoughts. People who weren’t stuck in the past.
“How is Hadriel doing with his extra responsibilities as butler?” I asked, breaking through the tree line into a clearing big enough for me to shift.
“He shows promise, but his heart isn’t in it. He wasn’t bred for a life of service, and it shows. Which is just as well, because I’ve heard his wolf is refusing to give up Weston’s pack bond. The man and the wolf are at odds, and the wolf is flexing his strength to hold on to that bond.”
I shook my head and stared out at nothing for a moment. Finley would be heartbroken if Hadriel left. To be honest, I’d hate to see him leave as well.