H is for Hawk (Men of ALPHAbet Mountain)

“You know,” he said, staring at the ceiling and making little circles and lines on my skin with his fingertip, “I think I’m in love with you. I think I have been since high school.”

I felt my heart thudding in my chest. I knew how I felt. How I had always felt.

“Me too,” I said, my throat gripping the words with emotion.

“Then this is real,” he said. “You and me. I want to see you as much as I possibly can.”

“So do I,” I said. “Now that we’re adults, maybe this can work.”

“Not maybe,” he said. “It will. I love you, Dee.”

“I love you too, Hawk.”

21

HAWK

Over the next couple of weeks, Dee and I spent as much time together as we possibly could. After work, she would come over to my place and help me take care of Rose, and we would curl up on the couch together and sleep in between taking shifts changing and feeding her. It was amazing how quickly Dee jumped right into helping take care of the baby, something I told her she didn’t have to do. Rose wasn’t her responsibility, and if she needed something, I could do it.

Dee wouldn’t hear of it. When Rose woke up after a two-hour sleep wanting a bottle, Dee was up almost as often as I was to do it for her. She was also working full-time, which I felt a little guilty about since I was taking a couple of weeks off. But I made up for it by making sure I had something ready for her to eat when she got to my house and trying to be the one to answer the calls of the crying baby before she stirred in her sleep.

Most of our evenings were spent curled up on the couch watching TV, mostly because we were both too exhausted to do anything else. By the time she got back to my place, all she wanted was to be with me somewhere quiet and calm, which it didn’t get much quieter and calmer than the top of a mountain.

I wasn’t complaining. I loved the solitude. I loved the peace. And I loved Deana.

The best days were the ones Dee had off work. She would come home the night before, and we would try to get Rose to bed and then crawl into bed together to get as much sleep as possible. Then the morning would come, and we would try to do something outside of the house.

It was one of those mornings, when taking a hike through the woods and carrying Rose in a carrier on my chest, that my phone rang. I pulled it out and swiped it open. Briefly, before I put the phone to my ear, I saw the name on the screen.

“Hey, Desiree,” I said. “What’s going on?”

“Good morning, Hawk,” she said cheerily. “How are you today?”

“I’m good. We’re just out on a little hike through nature,” I said.

“We as in you and the baby?”

“And Dee,” I said. “Say hi, Dee.”

“Hi, Desiree,” she said, close enough to the phone to be heard.

“Oh, hi, Dee,” Desiree said. “Good. Well, the reason I called is good news.”

“What’s up?” I asked.

“We got a date for the finalization of the guardianship,” she said. “We need you to come in to the courthouse and to bring two witnesses. There will be a little meeting with the judge, and if all goes like I think it will, he will grant you guardianship while we wait for the adoption process to finalize.”

“That’s fantastic,” I said. “When is the date?”

“Wednesday at one in the afternoon. Will that work?” she asked.

“It will. I’ll make it work. Thank you so much, Desiree.”

“No problem,” she said. “If you have any other questions, just let me know.”

I hung up the phone and stuffed it back down in my pocket, beaming at Dee. She was sitting on a rock that looked like it was about six feet wide and three foot high. The top of it was rather flat and made for a good bench, so I joined her.

“So?” she said. “What did Desiree say?”

“She said I have my guardianship hearing this Wednesday at one,” I said. “I need to bring two witnesses with me, but after that, I will officially be her guardian while we go through the adoption process.”

“Oh, Hawk, I’m so happy for you,” she said, reaching over to wrap my neck in a hug after I took off the pack with the baby in it and laid her down gently beside us.

“This is a big step,” I said. “The first one in adoption, but more than that too.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Us,” I said. “It’s a big step between you and me too. I’m going to be Rose’s father. And I plan on being as good of one as I am capable of being. It’s a lifelong commitment, and I don’t take it lightly. But if you and I are going to work out, it has to be something you are okay with too. I need to know that you would be ready for something like that.”