H is for Hawk (Men of ALPHAbet Mountain)

I tried to see my sister and Wendy every once in a while, inviting them and their kids over to our place and going over to theirs, but for the most part, I was enjoying just being with Hawk when I wasn’t working. If that meant vegging out on the couch or taking a hundred naps between Rose’s needs, then that was what I was down for.

Wendy and Hawk’s relationship was complicated, still raw and growing, but he and Finn got along famously. Between Finn and Gerry, it seemed like Hawk was sliding into a comfortable friendship circle that I wasn’t sure he ever had before. He spoke of friends he had in college, but none of them had ever seemed especially close, and as far as I knew, he didn’t have more than casual contact with them now. To see him have buddies was heartening, and I was happy for him.

Since I tended to get off fairly early in the day, we would try to schedule everything for that time. Rose was generally awake around then, and we would take her into town to shop for groceries or to visit our friends when we weren’t both so exhausted that I passed out as soon as I got to the mountaintop cabin. I was happy, though. Honestly, truly happy.

It didn’t hurt that when we got to spirit away to the shower or the bed, that whatever exhaustion either one of us had seemed to melt away in our enjoyment of each other. Every time was like a new experience, exciting and fulfilling. Yet, it was also familiar and comfortable. There was never any awkwardness, and it was always fun and sexy. I had never really thought that sex could be both of those things, but with Hawk it was. We could be silly with each other and still absolutely fulfill each other’s desires.

Hawk was stepping up to be a real father too, which was incredible to watch. Not just legally, but in every single way, Hawk was taking the decision to become Rose’s adoptive father as much a piece of the fabric of who he was as anything else. It was like a switch had been flipped in him, and he went from being a man on his own, terrified of the weight and responsibility of caring for his sister’s child, to a father, learning as he went.

I could see him, years from now, with the girl he chose to raise as the perfect child and he the doting father. I wanted to be there for that. It was a yearning in my heart that I tried to control. Hawk and I had only just started seeing each other again, and honestly, for the first time it was a relationship. Before, it had only been two kids doing what felt good and responding to the magnetic attraction.

Now we were adults, both having been through life without each other, trying to see what life would be like thinking the other wasn’t going to be part of it. And now we were back together, the universe pushing us into each other’s arms as if we needed the shove. I couldn’t imagine a place I would rather be. A bed I would rather share.

I wanted to look pretty for him on the day of the hearing and made sure to go home to my own place to get ready. It had been neglected pretty badly since I started staying over at his place, having only been visited a handful of times and mostly just to grab things out of closets and drawers and find chargers for phones and tablets. Most of the things I would point to as everyday things in my life now lived at Hawk’s place on the top of the mountain.

Secretly, I wanted to just let the lease go and move in with him fully. Waking up to get into work at two in the morning was a lot more bearable when I was able to make a cup of coffee and sit on the couch looking out over the mountains with the stars twinkling in the sky. Sure, winter would make it a bit more difficult to get into town, but I would figure it out.

When I arrived at the courthouse, Hawk met me at my car, and we walked in together with Malia and Gerry. I was so happy they’d agreed to be his witnesses. They were so important to me, and over the last few weeks, I really felt like they were becoming important to Hawk too. Gerry was a great guy, and he and Hawk seemed to get along well. Both of them were reserved and quiet, and it was cute seeing them together being a little more boisterous sometimes.

The hearing itself was a moving experience and something I didn’t think I would ever forget. It was solemn but still happy, as the responsibility of what Hawk was doing was not lost on anyone in the room. I stood with him, holding his hand tightly as he answered questions from the judge, and they discussed what the process was going to be.