Not a Role Model (Battle Crows MC 4)

“That won’t be necessary,” she said quietly. “Your brother doesn’t need to pay for that.”

I almost called out ‘bullshit’ but stopped myself just in time.

My stomach was roiling, and the last thing I wanted to do was snap at her when she’d done nothing wrong.

My eyes went to the back seat as I saw a bunch of other bags in there to go with the one I’d just shoved into her trunk.

“Spring cleaning?” I wondered.

She smiled sadly and shoved the trunk closed. “Bram isn’t here yet. He should be here in about ten minutes or so.” She paused. “Is something wrong? You don’t look good.”

She fisted her keys as if she wasn’t quite comfortable being around me. Which immediately made me feel like complete shit.

I hadn’t been the nicest of people, even to my own sister-in-law.

And the fact that she was looking at me like I was crazy was making my stomach sour on top of the already-hurt feeling that was currently residing there.

“I, uh…” I rubbed my chest. “I got some really bad news.”

She tilted her head. “What kind of bad news?”

I opened my mouth and then closed it, unsure what to say or do.

Then I decided… fuck it.

Everything poured out.

Every last drop of worry, fear and surprise that I’d held on to that day… all of it bubbled out of my mouth in a rush of words.

When I was done, she was staring at me with her own worry etched on her face.

Whatever had been bothering her earlier, making her hesitant as she spoke to me, flowed away as if it’d never been.

“I think that you’re allowed to have those fears and concerns. The fact that she might die, that the woman that you love might die, is a valid fear. The fact that you’re scared of losing her is enough of an answer to your question…” She paused. “She’ll forgive you for your actions today. She’ll understand if you’re having trouble processing. Just tell her exactly what you just told me… and love her. That’s all women really want in the end. To be loved. Almost everything can always be forgiven.”

She sounded like she was speaking from experience.

I pressed the heel of my palms into both eyes, then looked at her. “You were going somewhere, weren’t you?”

She looked at the house for so long that I wasn’t sure that she’d heard me.

But she surprised me when she said, “Yes. I’m leaving.”

Why did her words sound so final?

“Dorcas…” I hesitated. “Is everything okay with you?”

The familiar sound of Harley pipes started rumbling down the street, and Dorcas cursed. “I have to go.” She reached forward and surprised me by hugging me. “It’ll be okay, Tide. God doesn’t bring you to places and expect you to go it alone. You have a lot of brothers on your side. Use them. And make sure that you always trust her. She loves you too, you know.”

With that odd parting comment, she hopped in her car that sounded like it needed new belts, and then screeched out of the driveway, going the opposite way that Bram was now coming.

He pulled up just as the lights of her brake lights disappeared around the corner.

My brother listened with worried eyes as I explained everything that’d happened over the last twelve hours.

In the end, he didn’t have much to say at all.

Instead, we rode around until my hands were so numb from cold that I could barely feel them to hold on to the handlebars.

When we arrived at my house, the words that I’d been holding in since I’d left the house all but fell out of me.

“This fuckin’ sucks,” I mumbled, straddling my bike and balancing with both feet, still listening to the engine ticking as it cooled down.

“You’re delusional,” he disagreed. “She likes you.”

“She doesn’t. There’s no way she can like me after all the hell I’ve put her through the last ten years,” I contradicted him.

“Why are you even out here, anyway?” Bram grumbled, narrowing his eyes at me as he took me in. “Why do you look like you’re about to cry?”

Because I am. I wanted to say.

“I’m not about to cry, dumbass,” I mumbled.

“Ten bucks says she didn’t leave at all,” Bram muttered darkly. “She’s one of the good ones. She’s probably sitting on your couch right now, wondering when you’ll be back.”

The unspoken words of ‘unlike my wife’ felt like the unwanted elephant in the room.

“You think so?” I croaked.

God, my head was all jacked up.

“Yeah, I know so.” Bram rolled his eyes and jerked his head toward the back deck. “I can see her through the window there. She’s not on the couch. I was wrong. She’s on the lounger.”

I whipped my head around so fast that I lost my equilibrium for a few long seconds.

Bram chuckled weakly as he steadied me, then gestured toward the door with his hand. “Go talk to her. Don’t be a dumbass.”