His hot breath tickles my neck as he drops his head into my shoulder, and lets his body come down from the high we both thoroughly enjoyed.
“Well, I didn’t think you had it in you, River,” I murmur, and he bites my neck, making me squeal and wiggle away.
“What did I say about calling me that?”
“I like it, it suits you.”
“Okay, Willy.”
I burst out laughing, a giggle so intense I actually push him from my body. I laugh until my stomach hurts, and I know he’s laughing right along with me—I can hear his deep chuckles in the darkness.
Willy.
Sweet mother of god that’s the best comeback.
“You should have come up with that one sooner,” I gasp between laughter.
He reaches for me, pulling me against him as we both lie on our sides.
“Yeah, I should have.”
The laughter dies down and my eyes get heavy, but my soul, oh, my soul is light for the first time in forever.
I’m finally free.
“GIRL, YOU TORE THIS camp down with those moans last night,” Fallon says as we walk alongside the river the next morning, collecting some water to boil for tea.
“Gosh, yes,” Lei says. “Man, Lake must be good with his body. You’re not the first girl I’ve heard scream like that when we’ve been out here.”
A sting of jealousy punches me in the gut. It comes so unexpectedly it takes me a moment to process it. I’m only glad the girls keep talking because otherwise they’d see how my face has paled a little and I’m standing, awkwardly holding the water pot.
“Really?’ Fallon says. “So he’s a ladies man?”
Lei laughs. “Yep. A girl Grace who was with us on the first camp, I know he enjoyed her while she was here. Not that he does that for fun,” she ends quickly.
I glance at them. “I’m not bothered, we were just having fun.”
I am bothered, though.
Like a pathetic, wounded teenage girl, I am bothered.
I need to snap out of it, like, yesterday.
“Well, we’re here to have fun, too,” Fallon says. “Right, Willa?”
“Yep,” I agree, filling the pot.
“I’m sorry, Willa. I hope you don’t think I was saying you’re just fun for him. I didn’t realize how bad that sounded until now,” Lei says, her mouth in a frown as she stares at me.
I laugh and hand her the pot. “It’s fine, Lei. Seriously. I didn’t think I was the only girl he had enjoyed on these retreats.”
She nods, looking relieved.
Me, on the other hand, I’m not so relieved. I don’t know why this little sting of jealousy is lingering in my chest. It’s pathetic and so unlike me. I don’t care that Lake has slept with other women, god, he didn’t get that good from jerking himself off. It’s most likely that I haven’t had enough experience with men in the last few years, I’m rusty. That’s it, that’s definitely it.
Snap out of it, Willa. You’re acting like a love-struck idiot.
We take the water back to camp and then spend the rest of the day fishing, hiking and weirdly enjoying this lack of anything out here in the wilderness. I must admit, I’ve learned a lot more about myself than I thought I ever could in the space of a few days. I learned I can’t fish to save my life because I can’t kill them and there is no way I’m killing something to eat it unless I’m dying.
I’m really good at collecting other food to eat, and I’m super good at finding things in the group.
My pumpkin is now a hit.
I enjoy sleeping in the cool night air, with nothing surrounding me except Lake’s strong, hard body.
Something about the fresh breeze makes sleeping so much more satisfying. You wake refreshed and ready for the day.
That’s not something I’ve experienced before.
I enjoy making friends and am growing very fond of Fallon and Ember. The two of them becoming close favorites of mine and people I will most certainly want to see outside of all this.
Mostly, I realized just how much I had withdrawn into myself being in prison. I had forgotten who I was and mostly that I had a life outside of all of this. I can chase my dreams again, even if I’m not entirely sure what they are. I can be whoever I want to be. I can travel. I can do whatever I want to do.
That’s incredible.
That’s freeing.
That’s everything I didn’t know I needed.
8
“That doesn’t look good,” I whisper to Fallon when we all arrive back at the ranch after our few days out in the wilderness.
It’s about two in the afternoon, and out the front of the ranch stands a group of people. There are two women and about three men, all of them with their arms crossed, looking at us like they might just want to rip our faces off. I glance at Lake who is watching them with narrowed eyes. He leans in and says something to Rhett, who nods. Something is going on, I’m just not sure yet what that something is.