Mine To Have (Southern Wedding 1)

"Again"—my voice rises just a bit—"you never even fucking asked. Like, how could you just do that? I sat down that day trying to wrap my head around what the hell you did." I finally admit to him. "You tossed away our relationship like it was nothing."

"I never ever wanted to toss you away," he finally snaps. "You think it was easy for me to do what I did?" He points at my chest. "You think walking away from you was easy for me?" He isn’t the one giving me a chance to speak. "Do you think any of that was easy for me? I walked around in a daze for years," he says. "Not singular either." And maybe it’s just the pettiness in me or maybe it’s the fact that I’m still bitter, but I roll my eyes. "You had a plan set in place." His voice finally goes down a touch. "You never ever wavered on that plan. What kind of an asshole was I going to be if I just erased all your dreams?"

"I really want to know who you had a conversation with regarding me and my dreams." I almost smack my hand on the table, the sadness definitely replaced by anger. "I would love to know where this conversation took place." It’s his turn to roll his eyes. "I mean, at the very least, I should have been included in those discussions since it had to do with my future and my life. Don’t you think?"

"I couldn’t do that to you." His voice is almost in a whisper. "The thought of making you choose me or your family, I just couldn’t put you in that position." He shakes his head. "Have you pick me or your family; how would you be able to do that?" I can see how torn up he is about it even after all these years. "What if you picked me and regretted it and then resented me?”

"I loved you with everything that I had." I put my hand to the middle of my chest where the pain is starting to form. "And you just threw it away."

"I didn’t throw it away." He shakes his head. "I let you go so you could do this." He raises his hands toward the backyard. "So you could build the practice that you always thought you would have. I sacrificed myself for you." I see him blinking away his own tears. "That was the single hardest thing I ever had to go through.” I see his Adam’s apple move up and down when he swallows. "Even harder than when my father died." His voice cracks and I gasp in shock. Never once did I think that he hurt as much as me, or maybe I just didn’t want to think about it. Maybe I wanted him to hurt for hurting me, but I never ever thought it would be as bad for him as it was for me. Because he was the one who let me go. "What if I had asked you to come with me?" He looks at me and I see the pain in his eyes. "Would you have come with me?"

"It’s too late for that," I answer honestly, not willing to go back to that time. Not wanting to go back to the same question I asked myself over and over again. "It’s too late for that," I repeat again, shaking my head.

Chapter 19

Travis

"What if I had asked you to come with me?" I look at her and the pain from letting her walk away from me four years ago leaks out into my soul. The wound that I thought faded and left a scar is now bleeding out. "Would you have come with me?" I ask her the words that I should have asked her four years ago. The question that could have changed both of our lives.

"It’s too late for that," she answers, shaking her head. "It’s too late for that," she repeats the words again.

"It’s never too late." I hate that I’m sitting in front of her and not next to her where I can touch her. I hate that we are having this conversation over a dinner table and not with her in my arms. "What if I told you that I never should have let you go?" I see her bottom lip tremble. "Not this past Sunday and not four years ago."

"Travis." She says my name and I’m not sure if it’s a plea or a question.

"Letting you walk out of my life is the biggest regret of my whole life." After four years, she deserves to have it all. We both do. "Hands down, the worst day of my life. Hands down, the worst decision I ever made. Hands down, the biggest regret I’ve had.”