Mine To Have (Southern Wedding 1)

"I mean, yesterday at the bar you went off in your head and avoided my eyes," I remind her, and I can see in her eyes that she is surprised I caught it. I put my fork down and turn on the chair to face her. "What is going on?"

She shakes her head. "What is this?" she finally says. "Like, what are we doing?" I put my head to the side. "I don’t mean that; I mean, this you-and-me thing. Like, is it a fling? Is it friends with benefits? Are we acquaintances?"

I glare at her. "I know we are definitely not going to be acquaintances."

She huffs, throwing her hands in the air. "I’m being serious, Travis."

I reach out to touch her, pushing the hair away from her face and look into her beautiful eyes. "I don’t have the answers," I answer her honestly.

"You don’t do long-distance relationships," she reminds me, her voice going soft, and there is the fear written all over her face.

"I said a lot of things." I pull the chair closer to me.

"What does that even mean?" she asks.

"It means that we are going to do what we need to do." I smile shyly at her. "I will come here, you come there." I swallow down the lump in my throat. "I’m not losing you, Harlow," I confirm the only thing I’m sure of. "Whatever happens, I’m not fucking losing you again." She looks up at me and I can see the tears in her eyes. "Tell me you understand what I’m saying." I lean over and kiss her on the lips. "I’m here for the long haul." I cup her cheek with my hand. "Whatever it is, we will make it work."

She nods her head at me, and when I get up and get my bag from her room, everything inside me hurts. And I mean everything; there is a tightness in my chest. My stomach is in knots, the back of my neck feels like it’s on fire. She walks out of the house with me and stands beside the car. I put my bag in the back seat and then turn to her, pulling her into my arms. Her arms go around my waist. "I’ll call you when I get home." I bring her to me and she rests her head on my shoulder, my hand rubbing her back. "And we’ll get our calendars out and start looking at dates." She nods her head and steps back and I can see her rolling her lips trying to keep strong. I lean down and kiss her one last time before getting into the car. She doesn’t move from her spot by the car, and when I drive away, I watch the rearview mirror until I can’t see her anymore and I finally let the pain in my chest out. "Fuck," I hiss out and I want to punch something.

My phone rings and I think it’s Harlow and I want to turn the car around and go back to her. I look at the call display and see it’s Bennett. "Hey," I greet, putting it on Bluetooth.

"Hey yourself." His voice fills the car. "I’m at your house and you aren’t here."

"Yeah," I say, getting on the highway. "I went away this weekend."

"You went away?" he asks, shocked. "Like, on your honeymoon by yourself?"

I laugh, imagining his face. "No. I went to see Harlow."

He whistles out. "Oh, snap." I don’t say anything. "Are you sure that was a good idea?"

"No, it fucking sucks," I admit. "But I can’t stay away from her." My hands grip the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white. "I just left her house and all I can say is it fucking sucks."

"But you broke up with her for this very reason. Plus, not to be a Debbie Downer and all that, but you were engaged less than a week ago."

I groan out, "I’m going to have to admit that marrying Jennifer would have been a colossal mistake." The bitterness starts to form in my mouth. "And it’s safe to say we would have divorced in the end."

He lets out a huge breath. "You don’t know that."

"Actually," I admit. "I know that for a fact. It wasn’t love. Fuck, one look at Harlow on my wedding day and I knew that what I felt for Jennifer was nothing. I’m not proud of it and I’ll never tell anyone but you that. But, man, with Harlow it’s this overwhelming feeling that fills my whole body. Fuck, it fills my soul. I want to hold her, touch her, listen to her talk." The chest that had pressure on it just a couple of minutes ago now has even more pressure. "I just want her."

"Well, that is all good and everything, but it doesn’t erase the fact that she lives in a different state. And I’m not talking a town over."