Mine To Have (Southern Wedding 1)

"I sure will." She lays her head on my shoulder. "And then you are going to check and see when you can leave."

"I will," I agree and the wind blows her hair into her face. My hand pushes it back and I kiss her lips one more time before she gets into the car. "Drive safe," I say, closing the car door behind her.

"Bye, Travis." She smiles and I can see that she is blinking away tears and I wish she could stay. She puts her hand to her lips and kisses her fingers and blows me a kiss before driving off. I stand here watching until I don’t see her taillights anymore.

I walk up the steps and sit on the top step, the pain in my chest getting stronger and stronger. I sit out here looking at nothing really, and then my phone rings in my back pocket. "Hello," I answer, not even checking to see who it is.

"Hey," Shelby says. "Don’t forget dinner at Mom’s in ten minutes." I look at the phone seeing that it’s almost five. I spent the last three hours staring at nothing.

"Yeah, I’ll be there." I walk back in the house and slip on socks and shoes, grabbing my keys and wallet. I don’t look at the bed, not willing to just yet.

When I pull up to the house, I see that all three of them are sitting outside on the front steps.

I get out of the car and close the door behind me, turning to walk up the walkway. "Jesus," Clarabella says. "You look like shit."

I shake my head, only my sister doesn’t sugarcoat things. "Oh my God, did an animal die?" Shelby asks and I sit down on the step next to them.

"Nope," I respond and the front door opens and my mother comes out and she smiles until she sees my face.

"What happened?" Her smile fades. "Who died?" She looks at the girls, who try not to laugh at her.

"No one died," I assure them and lean my elbows on my knees. "Why can’t I just look like shit?"

"You don’t just look like shit," Presley replies. "You look like someone kicked your dog and then kicked you in the balls."

"Do you need to be so graphic?" my mother huffs at her and she just smiles at her.

"Harlow was down," I share and everyone just stops even blinking their eyes. Even the animals in the trees sound like they stopped doing everything.

"Wait a second." Shelby holds up her hand and then looks at me. "She came down to see you?"

"I went to see her two weeks ago," I admit to them and my mother walks over to the rocking chair. She grabs the chair by the arm and pulls it closer to us and sits down.

"You went to see her the week after your wedding?" She looks at me. "You said you went to a conference."

"I lied," I confess. "I didn’t want to say anything in case she told me to fuck off."

"You slept with her on your wedding night and she didn’t tell you to fuck off then," Presley reminds me and Shelby puts her hand to her mouth when my mother gasps.

"What?" she shrieks out and I glare at Presley. "You slept with her on your wedding night?" She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Probably," I admit to her. "Probably. Because now I love her even more than I did before and it’s so fucked up." My sisters look at me with their mouths hanging down. "I broke up with her four years ago for this exact reason."

"You broke up with her four years ago because you’re an asshole," Clarabella tells me and it’s my turn for my mouth to hang open. "Oh, come on, you don’t think that what you did made any sense whatsoever."

"How could I have asked her to choose?" I ask, getting defensive.

"I know how." Shelby puts her hand up like she is in a classroom. "Harlow, I love you and I don’t want you to move back home."

"It’s not that easy," I declare, shaking my head, the pit of my stomach burning.

"But it is that easy. It’s like pick me, choose me, love me," Clarabella says, and my sisters all nod and sigh.

"Four years ago, I let her go because I didn’t want her to choose between going back home and being in this fucking spot."

"And what spot is that?" my mother asks.

"It’s the spot where I miss her so freaking much I’m unbearable at work. It’s the spot where I don’t even sleep properly because all I want to do is dream of her, and when I don’t, I wake up pissed. It’s the spot where everything around me seems dull, almost like it’s in black and white and she is the color in the world." The pain in my chest comes on full force now. "It’s the spot that I didn’t want to fucking be in and I’m here. I want out."