Montana Desire

“Coffee it is. Go out on the patio. We’ll be there in a second.”

Evelyn smirked at me. She’d been at the mercy of Lena’s aggressive kindness, too. Especially when her life fell apart. I’d heard most of that story after the fact. Evelyn still had the scars, but she was doing better. And even though she hadn’t been in town very long, I was glad she was here. She and Lena were both good friends.

I sighed and did as I was told, following Evelyn out to the small brick patio behind the shop. It was mainly for staff and friends, with pretty lights strung up for summer evenings. Though as it got later in the year, it was starting to get a touch too chilly for it. We were almost to that point when we wouldn’t be able to use it, so I might as well enjoy it before the snow hit.

Lena appeared with a tray and three cups of coffee before sitting and fixing me with a stare. “Okay, what the hell happened?”

Briefly, I thought about lying, but there wasn’t any point. Lena had an internal lie detector that was more sensitive than an actual polygraph. She would figure it out eventually, and that would be worse than my brief embarrassment.

“Okay,” I said. “But this doesn’t leave the patio.”

Lena crossed her heart. “I swear.”

Evelyn nodded.

“Joel and I broke up. Or rather, I should say, he broke up with me.”

“Oh no,” Evelyn said. “Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “No, but that’s more because of how the breakup happened rather than the breakup itself.”

“Wow,” Lena said. “It must’ve been bad.”

The coffee was good, and I focused on sipping that to give myself some time before I had to admit the truth to them. “So, we were having dinner, and I was tired and I…wanted to try something new.”

Evelyn looked confused. “Okay.”

“So, I got up all my courage and asked him if we could change things up a little. You know, new positions, toys, whatever. Just be a little adventurous.”

Lena gasped. “Girl. Hell yes.”

I laughed. “Really?”

“Really. I’ve always wanted to try different stuff too. Especially ropes and the bossiness, it all seems really hot.” She shrugged when Evelyn started giggling. “I’m not sorry.”

“Well, Joel didn’t feel that way. He said a lot of things, but the central points were that I was disgusting and a pervert for even thinking about that. Let alone asking him for it.”

They stared at me blankly.

Lena set down her coffee cup. “Are you serious?”

“He got his stuff and left. Wouldn’t stop yelling the whole time.” I flushed red. “He was so angry, I wasn’t sure what would have happened if—”

I cut myself off before I mentioned Grant’s name.

“If what?” Evelyn prodded.

Oh well, they were going to know anyway. “You know Grant is my next-door neighbor? He came out of his house when Joel wouldn’t leave. I’m glad he did, but I don’t know how much he heard of what Joel said. He probably… I don’t know what he thinks.”

“Grant is a sweetheart,” Lena said. “I doubt he thinks anything but that Joel is an asshole.”

I laughed but didn’t feel it. “I hope so. I’ve been avoiding him since it happened.”

“You shouldn’t. He’s not only a sweetheart, but a gentleman. I doubt that he would even say anything about it other than to make sure that you’re okay.”

“Yeah…” I sipped my coffee and looked at the mountains in the distance.

Evelyn pulled her legs up into her chair and wrapped her arms around them. Perfect to help with that hint of autumn chill. “Clearly, that’s not the only thing that’s bothering you,” she said.

“No. I mean…” I cleared my throat. “There’s some family stuff that I’m really not ready to talk about, but mostly it’s just Joel. I can’t get it out of my head that maybe he’s right and I’ve gotten this all twisted up in my head as something that I want, but it’s not something I should actually go after. If it were something that was okay, then I just feel like he wouldn’t have reacted that way.”

Lena stared at me for a second. “Yeah, you’re going to have to retract every part of that statement before I smack it out of your brain.”

Evelyn and I laughed, but the discomfort remained in my gut. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” she said. “Unless you think the millions of people who read kinky novels, consume kinky porn, and you know…actually participate are disgusting and perverted people. In which case, we need to have a very different conversation.”

“No.” The answer was immediate. “I’ve never thought that.”

“Then why do you think it about yourself?” Evelyn asked, picking up her coffee so she could cradle it between her knees.

I shook my head. “You didn’t see him. I’ve never seen him—anyone—that angry. Ever. It was scary.” She shuddered, and I bit my lip. Damn it, I shouldn’t have brought up angry men. Evelyn had lived through too much of that. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. I can’t live my life with everyone trying to think about whether every single thing they say is going to remind me of Nathan.”

“Cori, Joel’s anger says more about him than it does about you,” Lena said. “It tells me he’s insecure and your requests endangered his ego and self-esteem.”

“I wasn’t trying to say he wasn’t enough. I just wanted to try some new things.”

Evelyn shrugged. “Sounds like you dodged a bullet to me. Good riddance.”

They had a point. The fact that I wasn’t more destroyed over the breakup itself was a sign. Maybe we’d just been coasting because we were comfortable and had known each other since we were kids. I’d glossed over the parts of our relationship that weren’t working in favor of ease.

Like the fact that he hated my house. I ignored that because I loved him. Or, I thought I loved him. Joel was a reminder that not everything from my family’s world was awful.

So much for that.

Evelyn’s engagement necklace glimmered in the evening light. “How are wedding plans going?”

She laughed. “Slow. I’m keeping most of them on hold until after Harlan and Grace’s wedding. We’re all hands on deck for that.”

That was coming up fast. With everything else going on, I’d forgotten that the wedding was next week. “Guess I’ll have to find another date.”

“No kidding,” Lena said. “That asshole isn’t welcome.”

Lena was the planning machine behind Harlan and Grace’s wedding. As far as I knew, Grace had hardly made any of the decisions.

“Can I ask something weird?”

“Sure,” Evelyn said. Her eyes told me that she probably already knew what I was going to ask.

“Why are they getting married first?”

She laughed softly. “Yeah, I get that a lot. Mostly because Lucas and I aren’t in a hurry. We’ll get there. And because Grace and Harlan should have been married a long time ago, and they deserve it.”

That was true. The couple had been to hell and back multiple times, and their wedding was like a breath of fresh air throughout our whole community. No more watching the pair of them to see whether they’d end up kissing or fist fighting.

“Is there anything I can do to help with the wedding?” I asked. “You’ve got to be going crazy with the cake and the food.”

“You want to be a makeup guinea pig? I need someone to practice on, and, go figure, Grace conveniently scheduled a dress fitting down in Missoula that day. I think she did it on purpose.”

“Sure,” I said. “As long as there’s coffee.”

“There will be an overwhelming amount of coffee,” Lena confirmed. “Day after tomorrow.”

I nodded. “Works for me. So you’re not stressed out with all the preparations?”

“Oh, I totally am, but if you tell that to Grace, I know where to hide a body.”

Evelyn and I both laughed, and my shoulders eased. It was good to have someone tell me that I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t disgusting, and I deserved better than what Joel had done.

Lena dove into the wild story of how she was chasing down ingredients, and I smiled, grateful to have friends like this.