Chapter 24
Grant
I wasn’t expecting the specialist to have an opening so soon. She did, but it was the earliest doctor’s appointment of my life. Early enough that if I didn’t want to get up at three o’clock in the morning to drive to Missoula, it was easier just to get a hotel for the night.
Leaving early had given Cori and me the chance to have sex in her office. I couldn’t get it out of my head. The memory had helped with the fact that I missed being in the same bed as her.
It was shocking how fast I’d grown used to it. In the middle of the night, I’d rolled over and reached for her, instinctually wanting to feel her warmth and her curves, and it had taken me a moment to realize that she wasn’t there, and why.
The sun was just barely lightening the sky beyond the mountains that ringed Missoula. I didn’t know what Dr. Peak had said to her to make her fit me in on such short notice, but I appreciated it since time was a factor with that shitty little piece of metal in my spine.
I wasn’t familiar with this medical complex, but they were all kind of similar. It wasn’t hard to find where I was supposed to go since it was five in the morning and far fewer cars were on the road than there would be in a few hours.
Even the hallways of the building were dim, still on nighttime lights. Only the doctor’s actual office was at full brightness, with a very tired nurse behind the desk.
She managed a smile. “You’re the early one.”
“I am. Sorry.”
“It’s always like this when Dr. Keyes is in town,” she said, managing a smile. “I’m used to it. Here, need the basics.”
I grabbed the clipboard that she handed me and retreated to my seat. They already had my info, but it was my first time at this office. Between all the doctors I’d seen over the last couple of years, filling out this kind of form was almost like meditation. It was always the same, over and over again.
“Good thing about being this early. There’s no wait,” she said when I handed her the clipboard again. “Come on back.”
She led me into an examination room. “Dr. Keyes will probably want to do an examination. There’s a gown on the table.”
“My favorite part,” I told her.
At least she laughed. I didn’t think anyone’s favorite part was the gown, but I’d been proven wrong before.
I heard the courtesy knock. “Come in.”
“Good morning,” the tall woman said, stepping into the room. “I’m Dr. Amanda Keyes.”
We shook hands. “Nice to meet you.”
“Thanks for coming on short notice.”
I waved a hand. “I’m eager to find out. Definitely worth the trip.”
She sat on the stool and opened the file she had in front of her. “I have all your MRI results. Everything, actually. Thanks for approving that. It’s been fascinating to look through.”
“Hopefully an interesting read.”
“It was, actually,” she smiled. “I like the challenging cases.”
I tried to hide my wince and failed.
“I am optimistic about your case,” she said. “May I look at your back?”
“Sure.” My mouth went dry. I’d gotten used to this part, but it didn’t change my feelings about it. The bone-deep terror of people’s responses when they saw the scars. Cori’s reaction had been perfect. She didn’t see the scars as a detriment. When I’d given her permission to touch them, she’d explored them, tracing the lines with her fingers.
Under her hands, I didn’t mind it.
Dr. Keyes was used to things like this. The scars wouldn’t faze her. But stretching out on the exam table was an effort. I heard her put on gloves before her fingers touched my skin, light and clinical.
She gently prodded right around where the shrapnel was buried. “Does this hurt?”
“Not today,” I said.
“But it does hurt regularly?”
I confirmed it. “It comes in waves. Good days and bad days. The good days, there is no pain, the bad days range from a low ache to pain severe enough that I can barely do anything.”
“Mmm.” She pressed a little harder. “I do feel it. That’s a good thing.”
On any given day, I made a point to never press there. Because I could feel it too, and it always split me between emotions. Rage that a thing so small could affect my life this deeply. Freaked out by feeling something foreign in there. Desperate to fix it.
She felt around the base of my spine a little more before stepping back. “Okay, you can sit up.” Returning to my chart, she made a couple of notes before looking at me. “I think that you’re an excellent candidate for surgery.”
Relief flowed cold through my body. “That’s good news.”
“I think so. But I’ll be up front with you about the risks. Dr. Peak was correct. The shrapnel is working its way closer to your spine. It’s closer than it was before, and it will continue to move. So, the longer you wait to have the surgery, the riskier it will become.
“I’m confident that I can remove the shrapnel with no loss of motor function, but I will never promise that one hundred percent. We’re dealing with an incredibly delicate area of the body. There is a risk.”
I nodded. “What kind of percent are we talking about?”
She made a face. “That’s tough. In the shrapnel’s current position, I would say I’m at eighty-five percent.”
“If I’d come to you sooner?”
“It would have been higher. And if we wait any length of time, that percentage will go down.”
Nervous energy coursed through my body. “How soon could we do the surgery?”
Dr. Keyes shrugged. “As soon as insurance approves it. Given that your injury is thoroughly documented, that will be fast. I do have surgical openings.”
“I need to take some time to think about it. Discuss it.”
“Of course. The risk, even a small one, is worth considering. But I’ll say I do think that sooner is better than later in this case. The position of the shrapnel will decay.”
“Understood.” I reached out a hand, and she shook it. “Thank you for taking the time.”
“I’ll start putting through the approval for the surgery either way, just in case. That way, if you decide to go ahead, we won’t have to wait longer for it.”
“Thank you.”
I got dressed quickly, my whole body buzzing with a mix of hope and apprehension. This was good news—and also terrifying. Anything with the risk of leaving you paralyzed would do that. But if I didn’t do anything, I’d be there anyway.
Now, there was another factor. I had to talk to Cori. At this point, this wasn’t a decision I wanted to make without her. The knowledge settled in my chest. Cori…
I was falling hard and fast.
Scratch that—I’d already fallen.
I was completely in love with Cori Jackson. She fit into my life. Every day, every minute I spent with her was more evidence. And because of that, I couldn’t make this kind of decision without her. I could end up in a wheelchair, and that wasn’t the kind of life she’d signed up for.