Good Girl

We’re having a pool party. A family get together plus extras. My mother’s invited friends from work, her boss and some other colleagues too. Dominic of course has Eric and Timothy here.

I asked Katie but she’s busy with some family thing too. So it’s just me, and my entire family who look on me like the black sheep, like the millstone around my mother’s neck. Like I’m responsible for my father walking out on us when I was a baby.

Sins of the father and all that I guess.

Only she hasn’t done that badly despite my existence. Dominic has given her a life she’d never have dreamed of. Never have had, had my father stuck around. But that fact is conveniently ignored.

I’ve spent most of the afternoon chatting to aunts and uncles. Various relatives. They all seem to ask the same thing, how’s college, how’s my job, have I got a boyfriend and what do I want to do when I’ve finished my degree. As if my life is on some conveyor belt of monotony.

When I finally escape them it feels like a small mercy.

My younger cousins are screaming, running around the garden, generally being obnoxious. I shake my head grabbing a drink and go seek the solitude of the hot tub.

Thankfully no one else is in here and it’s nicely tucked away so I don’t have to make polite conversation about my job, or my course, or life, or anything really. I can just have some space, some thinking time too.

I toss my dress off, sink into the warmth and sit until my skin goes wrinkly. Until I’ve drunk all my coke and finished lamenting the fact I couldn’t think of a decent enough excuse to get out of this whole damn day.

I know if I get out I’ll only have to face them and it’s easier to stay here, play the antisocial teenager if you will, hiding. I lay back shutting my eyes, pretending I’m anywhere other than where I am.

Only someone gets in.

I grit my teeth deciding not to look at them, not to acknowledge them. But they sit beside me. Right beside me, as if this tub isn’t big enough for eight people.

And then their hand sneaks up my leg. I pause, half thinking I’m imagining it because who the fuck would be touching me right now? But as their fingers move to between my thighs I jolt up.

“What the fuck?” I say.

“Ssssh.” Timothy says grinning.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I say.

He runs his eyes over me, as if I’ve encouraged this, as if I want this. “Don’t play coy Eden.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“I see you, the way you act, the way you are.” He says. “Waltzing around in that little bikini of yours. You’re a little slut just like your mother aren’t you?”

My mouth drops. I don’t know what to say. I think I’m frozen in shock. This is Dominic’s Finance Director. His friend. What the fuck is going on right now?

“Come on, lie back, let me feel what goodies nature gave you and I’ll give you a treat after.” He murmurs.

“Fuck off.” I half spit as I stumble back, getting out of the tub, feeling so sickened.

I head back to the house. In truth I want to run, to get away so fast but with everyone around us I don’t want to make a scene, after all who would believe me? And more to the point even if they did I’d jeopardise Dominic’s entire business. What he’s spent years building. I can’t do that. There’s no way I can do that. No, better I keep my mouth shut and hope he takes the hint to leave me alone.

But when I walk into the house I can feel myself trembling anyway. I need a shower, I need to get clean. He might not have actually touched me but I feel so dirty right now and the word ‘slut’ keeps echoing in my head over and over.

“What are you doing?” My mother hisses.

I blink realising that she and Dominic are stood both staring at me. I shake my head, wrapping my arms around myself.

“You’re dripping water everywhere.” She snaps. “For god sake Eden do you have any sense? Didn’t you think to use a towel?”

“I…” I gulp. Fuck I am stupid. Really stupid. I’ve messed up so much.

“Leave it alone.” Dominic says to her. “It’s just a bit of water.”

“No it’s not.” My mother retorts. “She’s making a mess everywhere. What will people think when they see this?”

“It’s just a bit of water.” Dominic growls.

She shakes her head and I see her eyes move for a moment in a way that tells me she’s drunk. She always seems to be drinking these days, as if being at home drives her to it.

“Go dry yourself. And put something more decent on. Walking around dressed in next to nothing. You look like you’re asking for it.” She snarls and I flee then, biting back the tears, running from them both.

“Oh for god sake.” I hear her say as if I’m the one being dramatic.

“I’ll see if she’s okay.” Dominic says.

“I don’t know why you bother. She’s not worth your time Dominic...” My mother states.

He growls a reply but I can’t hear them anymore. I’m too far up the stairs. Running to my room. Running to get away from the hate of her words.

I’m in the bathroom when I hear the tapping. I know it’s him. I know he’s just being kind but right now I don’t think I want to see him. I don’t know what I’d even say.

“Eden?” He says softly and I gasp because he’s right outside the door, in my room now.

“Go away.” I say feeling like a petulant child now.

“I’m going to come in.” He says opening the door.

I half glare at him. I shouldn’t even be angry at him but I am. I’m angry at everyone right now but I’m especially angry at myself.

“She didn’t mean it.” He says gently.

“Yes she did.” I snap back.

“She’s drunk.”

“And I’m a slut.” I reply.

He frowns. “What?”

“It’s true isn’t it? That’s what everyone thinks.”

He narrows his eyes. “No one thinks that Eden.”

I scoff. “Yes they do. I see it in their faces, my mother said as much right now, and I know you think it.”

“Why would I think that?”

I gulp. We’re in dangerous ground now. Really dangerous ground. I glance at the door. He’s shut it behind him. It’s just us in, my bathroom, in the furthest corner of the house and I’m wearing the tiny bikini that’s doing nothing to hide my body from his gaze.

“After what we did.” I whisper it.

“You’re not a slut.” He says. “And that was my fault. I’m the adult here. I shouldn’t have let that happen.” He says but he’s stepping closer not further away.

I take in a deep rattling breath as if to calm my nerves and in all honestly to try and calm the throbbing need that is pulsing in my core right now.

“I’m an adult too.” I state.

He nods. “Yes you are but I’m in a position of authority. I took advantage.”

I run my eyes over him, meeting his gaze and take the plunge. “What if I wanted you to take advantage again?” I say.