I’m sat in a lecture, trying to pay attention. Only the professor is droning on about death of the author or some such philosophical shit that I’m not in the right headspace to understand.
My phone flashes and I pick it up reading the message from Katie and surreptitiously write back a reply.
“Miss Mathers?” The professor says and my stomach drops like I’ve been plunged into an ice bath. “Something more important than this lecture?”
“Sorry, I, my dog’s sick.” I say dropping my phone back and trying not to laugh at the worst excuse I just came up with.
He grunts like he doesn’t believe me and to be fair I can’t really blame him. And then he begins droning on again as I internally try not to fall asleep.
It doesn’t help that they put him at 5pm. The last slot of the day. I personally think they do it on purpose. That it’s a power play to torture us all.
When he’s finally done and given back our assignments we all spring up, more than eager to get the fuck out.
“Miss Mathers.” He calls. Fuck I’m definitely in more shit.
“Sir?” I say walking down slowly as all the lucky buggers around me get their freedom.
“Is there something going on that I need to be aware of?”
“In what way?” I ask.
“You’re more distracted. Your grades are slipping.”
I wince. I’m a perfectionist at heart, a workaholic too. To be told that I’m failing right now… I don’t even know how to articulate my feelings.
“You’re still passing Miss Mathers but this isn’t you. You’re normally top of the class.”
“I….” I sigh. I don’t even have an excuse.
“Look, if there’s something going on, we can help, if you need someone to talk to.”
“It’s okay. It’s just a blip.” I say.
He gives me a look like he doesn’t believe a word of it.
“Alright, well if you change your mind, my door is always open, as are any of the faculty.”
I nod. “Thanks sir.” And leave.
Katie is at the café,arms crossed, obviously annoyed that I’ve kept her waiting.
“Sorry.” I say sitting down.
“You’re twenty minutes late.” She states pushing the fruit cooler at me.
“I got held up. My professor wanted a word after the lecture.” I reply.
“About what?” She asks.
I wince. “Apparently I’m failing.”
“What?” She gasps so loud a few people around us start staring.
“Not failing exactly, just, my grades are slipping. Apparently I’m not as attentive as I should be.” I state.
“Is there something up?” She asks.
“No. I just…” I trail off. “I’m just overworked that’s all.”
“Maybe you should quit your job.” She says and I pull a face.
“I’m not quitting.”
“Eden, stacking shelves is not going to get you anywhere long term and besides Dominic gives you enough money. You don’t even need to work.”
“Yes I do.” I snap back. I’m not just going to live off my stepdad’s cash, and especially not now we’re whatever the hell we are.
“I don’t mean this to sound harsh but this whole ‘I can stand on my own two feet’ is bollocks. You’ve already done it long enough. You’ve made your point. Surely your degree is worth more than your pride?”
I scowl. I know deep down she’s sort of right but that doesn’t make it palatable. And besides, if I quit it will make things feel weird, make things be weird for me, in my own head, becoming totally dependent on Dominic.
“What does your mum think?”
I let out a laugh. “I’m not talking to her about it.”
“Yeah I wouldn’t if I were you.” She says. Katie was the one who made me realise that I wasn’t the issue, that my mother was. She was the first to call her a bitch, the first to tell me I’m not a waste of space, to tell me that a parent shouldn’t be like that.
I guess I owe her a lot because at my lowest points she’s been there, picking me up, letting my hide out.
I half want to tell her about Dominic but I don’t know how to define it, how to explain it and my gut tells me she won’t support it. That she’ll say I’m an idiot, that he’s taking advantage, and she won’t stop going on until we stop. Right now I don’t want any more drama.
So I keep my mouth shut.
“Where’s Max?” I ask.
“At practice.” She says. He’s almost always at cricket practice. He’s been in talks with scouts about going professional and he’s putting in the hours to make sure he doesn’t mess it up.
“I better head home.” I say. We’re meant to be having a family dinner though I doubt my mum will actually turn up.
“We’re planning a camping trip, me, Max, Darla, Imogen, and Aron….” She says grinning.
“Me and Aron are breaking up.” I state.
“Does he know that?” She asks.
“He does when I next see him.” I mutter.
“Fine, then he’s not invited, but say you’ll come?”
“Yeah, if I’m free.” I say grabbing my bag. “Let me know when.”
If I get back soon it might be me and Dominic for a little while and the thought of just spending a little time alone is enough to make me want to speed through every red light.