If My Heart Could See You (The MacLarens 1)

Thirty-two

The new day dawned bright with sunny skies to appease those who would ride this day towards London. For some, the rays of sunshine were brighter than usual, since they had over indulged in the spirits that had flowed freely the eve afore.

For one lone knight, ’twas not the amount of spirits he had consumed causing his sour disposition. He could only have wished that ’twas so, but ’twas the agony of knowing the one woman he would have taken to wife had wed another. He knew this day would come, and yet his heart bled with the knowledge she was completely lost to him and out of his reach forevermore.

Contemplating where his life would now lead him, he rested his head back against the rough stones of the keep with closed eyes ’til he felt a presence near at hand. Turning his head, he espied Lynet entering the gardens. From her forlorn expression, there was no doubt left in his mind that all was not well with the young lady and she, too, had much on her mind.

She came to stand afore him with a silent look that spoke far beyond her years. “May I?” she asked, indicating the empty space next to him. With his nod, she sat arranging her dress afore turning in his direction.

“You are to leave us,” Lynet predicted solemnly, as if his horse being readied in the bailey wasn’t evidence enough of this fact.

“Aye, there is no longer reason for me to stay. My duty here is done.” He was somewhat surprised his thoughts were so easily read by such a young lass.

“You could stay, Ian,” she said with hope lingering in her words.

He looked at her aghast. The thought of remaining would shatter what remained of his already dispirited heart. At a loss for words, he leaned his head back against the wall again ’til he felt her small hand upon his own.

“My pardon, Ian, for that which you have lost,” she said. “’Twas inconsiderate and thoughtless of me to request that which would be so unfair to you.”

“You are not at fault, Lady Lynet,” Ian declared. “There is no one to blame but myself for what plagues me.”

“Aye . . . well . . . I am afraid I also know only too well how it feels to watch someone you love with all your heart turn to another.”

He gazed at her wringing her hands in the folds of her gown. It seemed her mind raced to try to form words to say to him. What she uttered next was not what he expected from her.

“Sometimes that which you seek is right afore your eyes but cannot be seen because you are blinded by aught else,” she spoke ever so softly.

Her words hung in the air as an uncomfortable silence descended upon them. Ian raised his head from the wall and turned to peer at Lynet, wondering if there was some hidden meaning in her words. Her face could only be described as lovely, not only in the perfection of her features, but also from the beauty that came from her innocence and being young at heart. She could not possibly have feelings for him, could she? Looking into her hope filled eyes, he was afraid ’twas true.

He reached for her hand and took it in his own. It trembled slightly at his touch and looked so incredibly small in his own large callused one. “Lynet, I−”

She gave a small laugh ringing with all the insecurity she must have been feeling. The sound was strained, leaving her emotions openly exposed for him to see. “Oh, I know what you must think,” she declared bravely, even though her words shook with sadness. “I am nowhere near my sister’s equal nor can I even begin to lift a sword to defend my home as easily and readily as Amiria can.”

“’Twas not what came to mind, Lynet.”

“Truly?” she asked in surprise.

“Nay. I was but thinking I am honored to know you have feelings for me. I can only pray, however, you have not felt I led you to believe those same feelings are returned.”

She let out a heavy sigh from his words of rejection. “I know I cannot compare in any way to Amiria, for what is there not to love about my sister? Nay, Ian. You have done nothing to mislead me.” Unshed tears glistened in her vivid blue eyes. “Even though I have my own guardsmen, you have taken it upon yourself to watch over myself and family just as you have Amiria. For that I am most grateful. I am afraid ’tis just my girlish wishful thinking that mayhap you could come to care for me.”

“You should not compare yourself to your sister, Lynet. You are still so young but will make a fine wife to someone worthy of your love. Never settle for anything less than to have the gift of your love returned to its fullest potential,” Ian said honestly.

“I am not that young at four and ten. Most girls my age are already wed with a bairn or two, as you very well know. Besides . . . you could be that very someone.”

There was such hopefulness lingering in her voice that Ian was afraid to crush such devotion and yet he had no other choice. “Nay Lynet. For in this time and place, I cannot give that which you deserve.”

“I would wait for you, Ian, if you think it could be possible.”

“Sweet lass, what do you want with an older warrior like myself?” he said, chuckling. “You deserve someone far younger than I. Someone who has not been sullied by his past.”

“Bah! What do I want with some younger man who sees me only for my dowry?” she declared in misery.

“I have nothing to offer you Lynet,” Ian announced bitterly. “My sire died and left my brother head of the clan. I have not returned to the Highlands for more years than I can remember. I could not stand by hopelessly as a younger son and watch all my sire had built ruined by my brother’s greed for gold and revenge. I have no place to call my home and would not have you living your life out of a tent as I travel to hire out the use of my sword. You deserve much better than that.”

“I would follow wherever you lead, if I could but have your love.”

Ian brought her hands to his lips and placed a kiss upon each. “Again, I am most humbled by your declaration Lynet, but please do not wait for me. I would not care to learn someday you were disappointed I never returned for you.”

She raised her head to gaze upon his face, as if memorizing his every feature. Her wounded look told him in no uncertain terms that he had broken her heart and most likely her spirit. He dropped her hands. There really was nothing more that he could say to mend her sorrow.

She rose gracefully from the bench to leave his side, ’til they noticed Dristan making his way towards them. Afore he knew what she was about, Lynet quickly leaned down, wrapping her arms around his neck to hug him close to her.

“Please, Ian . . . come back to me,” she murmured in his ear.

Taking both his cheeks in her small dainty hands, she gently placed an innocent childlike kiss upon his lips afore she blushed in embarrassment. Her flushed faced registered the shock she must have felt for behaving so brazenly. Hastily, she spun away from him whilst lifting her skirts and ran past Dristan up the stairs to the keep.

Dristan came taking the place Lynet had vacated, his brow lifting in concern of what he just witnessed. Waiting for an answer, Ian silently shook his head, apparently just as amazed at what had just occurred. “Is there aught you must tell me, Sir Ian? You dare to dally with my sister?”

“Nay, my lord, ’twas not as it appeared,” Ian said, standing afore his liege.

“Very well . . . I must ask a favor afore I release you from your oath of fealty.”

“Of course, my lord, I am ever at your service.”

“I would have you accompany my retinue whilst I travel to London. I thought perchance you may wish to take in the sights afore going wherever the wind would take you on your new course in life. I am leaving Riorden here to help guard those I care most about, along with a few others of our guard. I am sure it will keep the regular garrison knights in line to remember their duty during my absence. Will you ride with me?” Dristan asked.

“’Twill be an honor to be a member of your guard, at least ’til we reach London, my lord,” Ian said, giving Dristan a bow.

Dristan nodded, placing his hand upon Ian’s shoulder in friendship. “My thanks, Ian, for your companionship, at least for a little longer. I know what it costs you to leave Berwyck, but know Amiria’s wellbeing is what is most important to me. That red haired vixen has become most precious to me and I would not leave her with any but my most trusted knight to protect her whilst I travel about the king’s business.”

“I understand, my lord, completely.”

“Aye, I knew you would. Speaking of Amiria, I must needs go find her whereabouts. I know not where she has disappeared to, so I suppose in a way I have already misplaced her,” Dristan snorted.

Ian laughed at the look on Dristan’s face. “Then if I may offer a suggestion?” Ian proposed and saw his lord’s agreement. “Look above, my liege. If I know Amiria, she shall be up on the parapet.”

“Only she would find solace at such dizzying heights, but I suppose you know her hiding places better than anyone. Come, I will discuss a few things with you afore I speak with my wife. Our time grows short, and we must soon leave.”

The two men began to make their way through the bailey. ’Twas not long afore their laughter could be heard ringing out between them.

As Kenna opened her door from her hut and saw the two knights afore her line of vision speaking as friends, she could only smile knowing some of what she had foreseen had come true. She picked up her herb basket and made her way to the garden, humming a fine tune, satisfied at the way the day was progressing. She only prayed the remainder of her dreams would not come to pass for those visions would not bear well for the occupants of Berwyck castle.