Queen of Nothing

“Sir, why?”

“Simply because you are not good enough for my daughter. No single man on this earth ever will be. More importantly though, because she has shoes to fill, and her destiny unlike yours is already mapped out ahead of her. I would not make plans for the future if I was you son. I would do what is best for you, and only you so that when the time comes you can move on with your life instead of hopelessly questioning why this happened or why no one ever warned you. You are being warned now. You are not destined for my daughter. But I will allow you to keep company with her until the time comes where she is needed where she belongs, in Mexico.” He finished with almost a snarl as he stood and dropped his napkin on the plate. All four women at the table stood as he rose from his chair and took their places seated once again after he cleared from the room.

“Well, that could have been much worse, if you ask me.” Tia Larissa nervously chirped, and my Mamá clicked her tongue to signal my Tia in one of their psychic communication moments. They both got up simultaneously and walked to the back towards the pool house.

“Let’s go,” Mamá called back when she noticed Carolina still seated across from me, she looked up at me with so many questions in her eyes that I couldn’t begin to answer. I knew she was hurting for Ronan. He’d been like a big brother to her and the idea that we wouldn’t be together wasn’t something she probably had ever fathomed. She stood and followed Mamá out the door, Ronan waited to hear the click of the door that signaled they were gone before he spoke.

“Are you gonna look at me?” The already deep bravado of Ronan’s voice rumbled, and I swore I felt it deep in my core. But I couldn’t seem to lift my head up to meet his gaze.

I pulled back the tears fighting to escape, and faked a smile, “They’re right you know? That’s about as well as it could have gone,” I managed to say.

“This is bullshit Cecilia. What is he talking about? Why is he putting an expiration date on us? What aren’t you telling me?” Ronan forced my chin up to look at him.

“I can’t tell you more than what you’ve been told. My Papá does important work, and when I get older, he wants me to take over his…work.” I awkwardly fumbled at the words. “There are certain expectations of me when I am to take power, and one of those expectations is to use my relationship status as a way to secure the interests of the company.” I said as quietly as possible, almost hoping he couldn’t hear me.

“What the Fuck are you talking about? What are any of you talking about? It sounds like your father is selling you to the highest bidder, so please explain to me Cecilia.” He slammed his fist on the table and the tableware clinked and clattered with his rage.

“That’s not what’s happening,” I shook my head looking down, unable to believe that he’d think something like that.

He was so angry, and how could I blame him? For almost eight years I’d been wrapping myself around him and entangling into every part of his life just so he could be told one day he’d have to watch me walk away.

I did know better, but I selfishly wanted to have him anyway. I wanted to keep this charade of normalcy to myself and pretend like one day we’d be the high-school sweethearts who would get married after being together for the entirety of our youths. But he and my Papá were right, we had an expiration date.

“I think I need to go; I need to clear my head or something,” he said, and I could hear his voice breaking through the words.

“Please don’t leave me,” I whispered, squeezing his hand until I couldn’t feel my own anymore.

“I could never leave you Cecilia, but I need to go home and sit with the fact that you will someday,” he unwrapped his fingers from my hand and walked away, leaving my heart shattered in my chest. I squeezed my hands until my fingernails drew blood in my palms like I learned to when I was little, and instead of dropping a tear I grew another shell of ice over my heart.