MissManaged

Chapter Thirteen

Charlotte

“Oh, my goodness,” Mellie whispered. “Dixon is going to kill me!”

I shot her a concerned look to see if she was serious and found her laughing.

“Charlie, relax. I mean that in a fun way.”

“Are you sure?” The last thing I wanted was for Mellie to get in real trouble.

“Yes, I’m sure,” she assured me. “In a funishment sort of way. Believe me, I’ll enjoy it. He’s a good sport.”

I nodded and looked up at the front of the room. Dixon looked kind of perturbed to me, but so did Tobin, and I wasn’t afraid that he would be angry and take it out on me. Maybe I needed to accept that Mellie’s relationship with Dixon was safe and consensual, just like mine and Tobin’s, and stop questioning her all the time.

Josh started the class with some neck and shoulder stretches, and I followed along while pondering my new revelation and past behavior. I’d been judgy and rude to Mellie, and I needed to apologize, but in my defense, I hadn’t understood how someone would agree to rules and punishments. Now, I did.

After some seated side bends, Josh had us on our feet and moving through some half sun salutations. I glanced to the front of the room and found Tobin and Dixon following along, looking like experienced yogis. At least so far.

“Now, plant your hands and step back to a plank pose,” Josh instructed. At the same time, I heard the door open and the tippy tap of little feet enter the room. “Now lower down to your belly and rest your forehead on your arms in crocodile pose while our little friends check out the room.”

I moved into position and waited. It wasn’t too long before I felt a nose sniffing at my hair. There were giggles coming from around the room as the goats investigated us. I even heard a chuckle from one of the guys.

“All right, I think we’re ready to move on. Let’s get into table pose on your hands and knees. Shoulders over wrists, hips over knees.”

Even though I hadn’t done yoga in a few years, I easily fell back into the rhythm of moving through cat and cow poses at Josh’s direction. I especially liked cow pose because I got a magnificent view of Tobin’s ass when I lifted my head. He and Dixon were still following along pretty well, with a little bit of extra help from Josh. Neither man took offense when Josh came over and adjusted their position.

The goats were roaming around the room, crawling under our bellies and over our legs, becoming more and more comfortable, until one jumped on top of Grace’s back.

“Oh, my goodness,” she yelped. “What’s it doing, Kenny?”

“It’s climbing, Grace. That’s what they do.”

“Why’s it climbing on me? What do I do?”

“Jeez, Grace. Didn’t you do any research on goat yoga before coming?” Layla asked from behind me. “Kenny told you they might crawl on you.”

“No,” Grace replied, her voice tight with nerves. “I didn’t think she meant they would literally climb on top of me!”

I looked over and found her frozen on her hands and knees with a very cute brown and white goat standing on her back, taking in the room from the higher vantage point.

“Oh, shit.” Tobin’s cursing brought my attention to him. “I’ve got one on me, too.”

A black and white goat appeared to be tap dancing on Tobin’s back, doing little hops on his shoulders. Thankfully, Tobin didn’t look nearly as frightened as Grace when he turned his head to peer over his shoulder.

“Uh, oh,” Kenny said as she rushed over to Tobin, but she was too late.

“Kenny, is this goat peeing on me?” Tobin asked, calmer than I would have been, even though I knew it was a possibility since I spent some time researching online so I’d know what to expect.

“Uh, yeah. It’s in the waiver and class description online that something like this might happen,” Kenny replied, scooping the goat off Tobin and setting in on the floor. “Let me get you a towel. Don’t move.”

I stood up and grabbed the towel that Kenny retrieved from a stack in the corner of the room and dried off Tobin’s back, rolling his shirt up towards his neck.

“Put your head down. I’m going to slide this over your head and then you can pull your arms out.”

Tobin followed my instructions and then sat on his knees before taking the towel from me and rubbing it along his back and shoulders. Then he turned around and looked right at me with a glare that, if I didn’t know him better, would have made me nervous.

“Did you know I might get peed on?” His tone was stern, but the twinkle in his eye told me he was far from mad at me.

I nodded as Grace screeched. “I didn’t know that they peed on you! Get this one off me, Kenny.”

The loud noise startled the poor goat, making it take a nosedive off Grace’s back. It quickly got on its feet and scampered away, but Kenny ran over and picked it up to do a quick inspection of her precious baby.

“Grace,” she scolded. “Don’t scare her like that.”

“Don’t let her pee on me,” Grace retorted.

“Don’t be such a princess,” Kenny shot back, the exchange making the rest of us ladies laugh. She gave the goat a snuggle and set her down on the ground, still scowling at Grace.

“Okay, class, let’s focus,” Josh called from the front of the room. “Take a few more rounds of cat and cow, then lift your hips up and back for your first downward dog.”

I looked back at Tobin and found him watching me with a smile, still shirtless. I shrugged and smiled back, then went back to my mat and got back into position.

“Did you know how nutty these women are, Dixon?” Tobin said.

“Hey,” Kenny barked, “we’re not nutty. We’re each special and unique.”

Tobin chuckled as Dixon replied, “If nothing else, they keep life interesting.”

I just happened to be in cow position so I got to watch Tobin get back on his hands and knees, wearing nothing but cotton sweatpants. I took an extra breath or two in that position so I could enjoy the view.

“That they do,” Tobin said, agreeing with Dixon. “When I got up this morning, I never thought I’d end up doing yoga with goat piss drying on my back tonight.”

“At least she didn’t poop on you,” Kenny said. “Be thankful for that.”

“All right. Enough potty talk,” Josh said, clapping his hands together. “Let’s do some yoga.”

The class lasted another half hour, during which we moved through some warrior sequences and the goats explored. No one else received a goat shower and by the end, both Kenny and Josh declared the test run a success. We disinfected the mats while Kenny took the goats back to the barn, and then she washed the floor around Tobin’s mat and gave him a souvenir t-shirt she’d had made especially for the situation that announced he’d been “Showered with Love at Walker’s Grove Goat Yoga”.

We hung out, ate, and drank for another hour before we left and headed back to my apartment.

Once we were in Tobin’s truck, it only took about five minutes before the aftereffects of his goat experience permeated the small space.

I tried to face away from him and feign interest in the scenery outside except it was dark and we were out in the country, so there wasn’t really anything to see.

“Did you have fun?” he asked.

“Mmm hmm.” I was trying to breathe through my mouth to avoid getting more of the stench in my nostrils, but my vague answer wasn’t good enough.

“What’s wrong, little fairy? Are you mad I stayed?”