MissManaged

“You need to confess. Don’t make him pry it out of you. Don’t try to hide it. That just makes everything worse. When you get out of the truck, tell him you need to talk to him and ask him to meet you at the cabin. Then you get your stuff and drive straight over there. In my experience, putting things off prolongs the nerves and makes me so anxious I’m a mess.”

“So, be honest and get this over with right away?” It made sense in my brain, though my gut was telling me to do the opposite and run far, far away.

She nodded. “Are you ready? They’re starting to look worried.”

I glanced out my window and found Tobin staring at us with a frown.

“I can do this.” I took a deep breath and let it out, preparing my words in my head.

“You can do this.” She sounded so much like a coach that I couldn’t help smiling, which gave me the courage to open the door and get out of the truck.

Tobin immediately rushed to help me out.

“Is everything okay, Charlie?” he asked, so full of worry and concern that I felt bad.

“Uh, yes, sort of.” I stumbled over my words, making his frown deepen. “Can we go to your house? I have something I need to tell you.”

I spoke quietly and couldn’t meet his eyes, which must have been enough clues for him to figure out what was going on.

Or it could have been his mother setting three shopping bags on the ground next to us before silently hurrying into the house with his father not far behind her.

He looked down at the bags and then back at me, gently pushing my chin up until I was looking at him.

I expected to find anger or annoyance but what I saw was actually worse. Disappointment.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes. The door is open. Take your bags inside and wait for me on the couch.”

He wasn’t mean. He didn’t yell. But he didn’t need to. His feelings about what I did permeated every word he said and made my eyes fill with tears.

I nodded and bent down to get my stuff, planning to get to my car as quickly as possible, but he stopped me before I could escape.

“Hey.” I looked up at him and found the disappointment replaced with concern. “You’re not afraid of me, are you, Charlie?”

“No, I’m not scared. I just feel bad because I broke the rule and disappointed you,” I whispered, trying to hold back my tears.

He pulled me in for a hug, speaking quietly next to my ear. “I don’t like to see you upset, but that means the rules are working. As long as you’re not afraid that I’m really going to hurt you. That’s not what this is about.”

“I know.” I got it now, and I hated this feeling. I couldn’t wait until we got to his house and dealt with my punishment.

He pulled back but kept his hands on my shoulders, giving me a once over before he let go.

“I’ll see you in twenty minutes. You remember my instructions?”

“Yes.”

He nodded and turned towards the barn while I hustled over to my car, wanting some privacy to deal with my emotions. Thankfully, I had a little time to prepare myself for whatever was to come while I considered the complete reversal of my opinion about discipline in relationships.

Twenty-two minutes later, Tobin pulled into the garage. Every noise he made brought me closer to my reckoning.

The truck door closed.

The door to the mud room opened and shut.

Tobin’s work boots thudded to the floor.

The door to the kitchen opened and closed.

His keys hit the bowl on the counter with a rattle.

Through all of this I kept my eyes focused on the fireplace, studying each carefully laid stone while I reminded myself that Tobin wouldn’t hurt me. And he wouldn’t yell and scream and call me names like my father would have. Even though I’d broken an agreed-upon rule, he wouldn’t cut me down or hold it against me forever.

“I’m going to take a shower to wash the barn smell off,” he said, drawing my attention to where he stood by the dining room table.

“Okay,” I replied, searching his face to reassure myself he hadn’t worked himself into a rage in the last twenty minutes.

He nodded but didn’t head to the bathroom.

“Do you agree you broke a rule, Charlotte?” he asked, holding me in place with the stern but still somehow gentle look in his eyes.

“Yes,” I managed to squeak out. He’d used my full name for the first time in weeks, placing us firmly in discipline zone.

He nodded again and looked around the room before returning his eyes to me.

“While I’m taking a shower, I want you to stand in this corner and think about why you broke the budget rule.”

He pointed to the interior corner of the dining room to his left. I would be out of sight from either doorway and only visible through the front window. As punishments went, it wasn’t much, so I readily agreed.

“Can we close the curtains?” I asked, standing and wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.

He looked over his shoulder at the window and back at me.

“Yes, you may close the curtains.” He stepped into the hall as I approached but reached out and grabbed my hand, stopping me in front of him. “Really think about what made you make the choices you made, Charlotte. I’m going to expect an answer when I’m done and what you have to say will guide the rest of your punishment.”

Tobin lifted my hand and kissed my palm before letting go. “Go do what I said and get your answers ready.”

I blindly walked to the window and slid the curtains to the center of the rod and then walked to the corner he’d pointed to. My mind was spinning, and I knew I needed to slow down and organize my thoughts or else I’d be in even more trouble than I already was.

It was silly of me to think standing in the corner and contemplating my actions would be the end of my punishment, I realized in hindsight. That would be a very light consequence for breaking my second rule. The rule that I came up with!

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, calming my racing thoughts and focusing on why I overspent. It took a bit for me to drill down into the root of what caused my behavior, but I got there. And I was ready when Tobin walked into the living room and sat in the middle of the couch.