Psychiatrist's Puppet (Loftry University Playthings 3)

Chastity

I could live my whole life without seeing another needle, yet, as Doctor Rayne approaches me, it feels almost poetic, like everything has come full circle. He must see how much I’m trembling. You’d have to be blind not to notice, but he grips my arm and depresses the plunger with such accuracy that I’m sure he’s done this before. Has it all been for patients? Or is this his way of luring women to him?

I shake the mental fog from my head. Everything is tainted for me now, even this good Samaritan taking care of me out of the goodness of his heart. “I can’t pay you.”

My voice is barely a whisper above the thundering of my heart, like waves pummeling the beach I so long to go back to. The smile he gives me is anything but reassuring. There’s a slither to his lips, a widening of his jaw. I blink away the morbid scene only to have him standing before me as normal. It may be all in my head. It has to be.

“Have I ever asked for or mentioned payment?”

Has he? My brain whirrs about, stuttering to life. So many conversations flit through, each like their own wisp of fog that I try to hold onto, but it drifts out of my grasps. We could have talked about payment. Hell, we could have talked about the continental congress, and I probably wouldn’t remember. So much of my life is like reflections in the water, so easily shattered by the lightest of breezes.

“The answer is no. In fact, we haven’t had the opportunity to talk much. I was too busy spanking you.”

As the drugs do their intended effect, my muscles start to let go, the twisting, bunching agony subsiding so I can take a full breath. Heat licks at my cheeks as the shame comes back full force, flooding my body. I haven’t been spanked since I was at home, however many years ago.

“Is my sister really coming?”

“What were you doing under the bed?”

I don’t like that. I hate that he doesn’t answer my question; it makes me feel like he’s hiding something. But why lie about my sister? If he’s that desperate to know me, he could just ask. He doesn’t need to make up lies about my family. Knowing him, between him and the other doctor, they probably have plenty of drugs to make me spill my guts. Though truth be told, just being threatened with another spanking from him might be enough to make me sing.

It has to be a lie. What are the odds that I could leave the middle of nowhere, wind up in Satan’s armpit, then go wherever the hell he has me and still run into my sister? It’s astronomical when put into that perspective. No sane person would believe it.

You’re not entirely sane, though, are you? The voice of my captor taunts me even as I’m awake. What does this mean for me? My fingers slide up my skull to grip my hair, the bite of pain bringing me back to reality. Or at least what I think is reality. I can’t tell anymore. That fact alone has my lungs seizing, demanding air where none can get in. My vision tunnels, the dark eating up every speck of light until there are only pinholes.

“Breathe. I got you.”

That voice. His voice. That’s what’s real. It’s what pushed through the haze when my mind was spiraling out of control. I follow the sound and obey his command. One breath. Now two. Can you go for three? One by one, my breaths come together until it’s a steady in and out.

As my vision clears, it’s his eyes that I see. These soft, brown eyes that signal either my salvation or damnation; unfortunately, right now, I have no clue.

“Where do you go?”

There it is again. That same phrase that pulled me out of my brain. This has to be proof he’s real. Right? Instead of answering, I lower my hands to his chest, feeling the warmth flowing off his body in waves. Nothing in my dreams ever felt so warm. He does nothing to stop me, as if he knows I need this - I need to ground myself in him, to convince myself that he’s real, I’m real.

“Why were you under the bed?”

Why? Why did I do that?I glance about the room, letting my brain wander back to where I was before he came back in.

“Big,” I whisper, not wanting to speak too loud and shatter what could be the best dream of my life. “Everything is too big.”

“Ahhh.” His finger scalds my chin as he tips my face back up to his. “You were hiding.”

I can only nod as I fight back the gathering tears in my eyes. “Small is safer.”

“I understand.” The smile he gives me is warm and indulgent, as if he truly does understand. That small kernel of hope that stays buried starts to bloom, just a touch. It struggles to reach the surface like a flower forcing its way up through the snow and ice - no less beautiful because of the struggle to survive. “After we see your sister, I will show you to a new place to sleep. I think you’ll feel much safer there.”

This smile is not as warm. I can’t read it, and that scares me even more. I stay safe because of my ability to read people. It’s how I know when to stay and when to flee. Not that it did me much good when I was kidnapped, but beforehand, it was my compass to navigate life. And that’s when his words hit me. My sister. It seems like he’s still going on with that lie.

Shaking my head, I muster up the brightest smile I can. No use making things worse by calling him a liar to his face. I haven’t seen him angry, and I really don’t want to. I know how to play nice; it’s one of my best talents - the only one I was ever really good at.

“Where do you go when your mind leaves you?”

I remain silent. It’s not because I don’t want to answer - I don’t know how to answer. It’s something so intimate, so personal, so...the word escapes me. There’s nothing really to describe the place except desolate. My own little corner is not that at all. In fact, it’s the complete opposite: vibrant, lush, full of comforting sounds and people. Billy pops back into my mind unbidden. Yet another dream I’ll have to send away.

There’s no way he is even thinking about me. Even if he was, there’s no way he could handle me like this, broken like I am. He was such a gentle soul; nothing ruffled his feathers. Somehow, I don’t see him holding me close as nightmares rack my body. Doctor Rayne, on the other hand, seems perfectly equipped to handle me. Too bad a relationship is one hundred percent off the table. He’s my doctor, and I’m...well...I’m nothing. How can you have a relationship with a shell?

“Do you want to get changed before she sees you?”

I smile, playing into the delusion he’s crafting for me. What harm is there in pretending, at least for a little while? “A shower would be nice too.”

Nodding, he slides his hand down to my lower back, and I ignore that painful fluttering again. It’s that same sensation where a limb has been asleep for far too long, and when you wake it up, pins and needles assault your senses. Only, it’s not just a limb; it’s my entire body. Everything prickles with awareness with just one touch from him. One innocent touch.

Inside the huge room is a door that I never took any time to notice. I was far too terrified of the space itself to actually see what was there. When Doctor Rayne opens the door, the most opulent bathroom comes into view. My jaw literally drops open as I take in the ornate fixtures and gilded surfaces. Just like the room, there seems to be an option of either strong overhead lights or softer, fire-like sconces. Thankfully, he’s turned on the sconces. I’m still unsure if I can handle the bright, harsh lights; they are far too close to an examination room. With those lights, every flaw is manifested. With these, I can look in the mirror and not instantly hate what I see.

The flaws are still there, but they’re muted, softer. I glance up in the mirror to watch Doctor Rayne staring at me, his lips curving up into a soft smile. What he’s seeing, I cannot even begin to understand.

“Lift up your arms, and I’ll help you undress.”

My heart stutters for a moment as I process his words. He can’t be serious. There’s no way I’m letting him see me naked.

“You are still terrified and weak. I will be here while you shower, just until I know you’re strong enough to do so on your own.”

My lips tremble as I catch his gaze again in the mirror. On pure instinct, I fist my shirt in my hands, pulling it even tighter to my body.

“You have nothing to fear from me.” He pauses to run his fingers through my hair, the motion soothing and jangling all at once. “I will make you a promise. Not one part of my anatomy will be inserted into yours unless you ask me to.”

I blink up at his reflection. Such an odd way of putting it. So precise. So matter of fact. It’s as if he’s thought about us together in a sexual way. The shiver that skitters down my spine have nothing to do with the cold and everything to do with my awakening nerves. Do I dare trust him? If he’s lying about my sister, then he could very well be lying about his promise.

“You’ve already threatened to come in my mouth.” His fingers drift from my hair down to my mouth. Transfixed, I watch as his thumb brushes against my bottom lip for a moment before pulling my mouth open.

“That is to be a punishment if this naughty mouth cannot control itself. However, as you can clearly see in the mirror, I don’t have to insert myself to coat your pretty, little tongue.”

He lets me go and takes full advantage of my stunned silence to grasp the hem of my shirt. My mind is still reeling from the sensations flowing through me. I let him undress me. After everything I’ve been through, there’s honestly nothing else he could do that would be worse. He could make you trust him. I shut down that tiny voice eating away at my resolve and let him take my clothes off.

As the air kisses my skin, I shiver again. Closing my eyes, I dream of a hot shower - one that I’ll actually be awake for and can enjoy. I turn off the part of my brain that analyzes Doctor Rayne’s every movement. As he takes off my clothes, it’s all business. Not once has he copped a feel or even “accidentally” brushed against anything intimate. With the shirt gone, all that’s left is the strap around my breasts.

Red lines surround the fabric, giving me a visual clue of the discomfort I’ve been feeling. As his strong fingers dig in underneath the taut fabric, I groan at the delicious feeling of finally being unbound. He keeps his hands to the sides and never once lets them drift to the front. Why did I suddenly desire to have him cup me, massage away the tension, and bring some of his magical warmth and feeling to the area?

As the band snaps up from the underside of my breasts, a blush spreads across my cheeks. It’s so bad that I can even see it in the mirror with the dim lighting. With that one tug, they’re free. I stare at myself for a moment, not sure what I’m looking for. For the amount of pain I’ve gone through, I expected scars or some other visual marker of the ordeal. But nothing. It’s like it never happened. It was all in your head. But was it? Was any of it real? Am I?

I catch his gaze again, and dark hunger shines out from their depths. This shiver is arousal, pure and simple. Disgust churns in my gut as sensations flare up over my body. It’s my overly sexual nature that got me into trouble in the first place. Now, I’m like a bitch in heat from a few scandalous glances. Groaning, I drop my head into my hands, hoping to hide my guilt, but Doctor Rayne doesn’t allow it. A hand slides around my waist, pulling me flush against his chest. The other hand lifts my head up so he can look deep into my eyes.

“You are not made for this guilt. Let’s get you cleaned up and ready for your sister. Nothing more; nothing less. You don’t have to think about anything except my commands, and right now, it’s simply getting you clean.” The hard ridge of his cock presses against my back, stealing my breath. Fear and arousal intertwine until I can’t breathe. I slide my hands backward, reaching out for him. Instead, he wraps his arms around me, drawing me deeper into his cocoon, into safety. “Breathe. That’s all you have to do in this moment. Breathe.”

He takes deep breaths, his chest pressing into my back. Slowly, my breathing changes to match his. Reaching back up, he bypasses my breasts and lays a hand over my heart, anchoring me even more to him. Sparks shoot out from his touch, filling me with staticky warmth. It travels down my body like lightning, arcing just under my skin.

“I’m going to take off your pants and underwear now,” he murmurs against my ear.

I know he’s just warning me, keeping me from being startled, but it has the opposite effect. Every inch of me is primed for his touch, anticipating the skim of his fingertips, debating whether or not I want it. He pushes me forward until the edge of the sink bites into my lower stomach. Then, with small movements, he pops his thumbs underneath both bands and eases the clothes off my hips and down towards the floor.

“Bring your right foot up.”

I do as he says, not even questioning it, but like it’s second nature, as if I have always obeyed him. Natural. Safe. Secure.

“Now, your left foot.”

With a few more tugs, I’m standing before him completely naked. On instinct, I turn my head and bring my hands to cover both private areas, as if dozens of men haven’t already seen me. Hell, I’m sure he was very eyes on during my examination, at least while I was out. I would be shocked if he hadn’t taken advantage of that.

Instead of ogling me as if I am a fresh piece of meat, he simply turns to the shower and starts the water running. I watch, mesmerized at the water flowing down. I must have taken dozens of showers while out of it, but it’s different when you get to enjoy it, luxuriate in it.