“Sir?”
“Look deep inside. What makes us different?”
I pause. What exactly does he want me to see? The heat from his skin seeps into mine, lulling me into a calmer state. Well, that’s certainly different. There was never any warmth while under the drug. Everything was so cold. So painful. His pain is different too. Each mark he gives me is a slash of lightning through my body, infusing my core with a heat I could never have imagined.
“You’re so warm.”
Smiling, he grazes the top of my head with his lips. “You’re always so cold. I’ve taken it on myself to heat you up whenever possible.”
“Not just that.” I lay my hand on his chest, willing him to understand. “It’s not just temperature. With you, I feel. Everything. Even the things I don’t want to.”
“Then you have your answer.” He pauses to glance at his watch before setting me down on the bed. “Now then, let’s get you ready for your day. You have a lot to do, and so do I. But first.” He unbuttons and unzips his pants, laying them on the side of the bed, followed by his underwear. His erection bobs as he stalks back around to be in front of me. “I suggest a small amendment to the daily routine. Since you’ve so graciously allowed me the use of your mouth, I’ll be sure to avail myself.”
Spreading my thighs, he slides the dilator back into me before pulling my feet through an odd contraption. Once he shimmies it up to my waist, it’s clear what its purpose is. It holds the dilator snug inside my body. His fingers drift around the edges, revealing no way of gaining entrance to the pertinent bits without moving the whole thing.
“Do you know how badly I’ve wanted to put you into chastity, Chastity?”
I stifle a groan as his hot breath washes over the tender skin of my inner thighs. Just hearing my name on his lips makes me buck up against him. Chuckling, he swats at some covering that hugs my mound, giving me the sound but not the sensation.
“Angela saw you playing with yourself yesterday. You obviously thought no one was looking. I’ve warned you that there will be consequences to your actions. All of your orgasms will come from me. I want to make sure I have your brain solely fixated on what I’m doing to you to make you reach those peaks.”
His words writhe inside my brain, making me tremble. I shouldn’t be getting turned on. I just shouldn’t. Good girls don’t get turned on by depravity like this. “Please -.”
“Please, what? Please stop? Please continue? If I remove this belt, will I find you sopping wet, just for me?”
“I can’t!” The words burst forth on an anguished cry.
Frowning, he pulls back away and heads to his pants. This isn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want him to stop.
“Breathe.” He holds up his phone and gives me a stern look that does nothing to quell the arousal in me. It’s like he’s done something to me, twisted me somehow. I’ve never been so easily turned on in my life. What did he do to me? “Angela, reschedule my next two appointments. Seems I have a small issue to deal with this morning.”
He doesn’t even wait for a reply. The moment the words leave his lips, he pulls the phone down and turns it off, just expecting her to obey. Just like he expects me to.
“I want to get something straight right now.” He glares down at me, his eyes flashing with his displeasure. I want to wither away from the sight, but he won’t let me. He comes back around and climbs on top of me, straddling my waist. “I don’t know what is going on in that pretty little head of yours. I’m many things, but a mind reader isn’t one. I’m damn close to it, but I don’t actually possess that power. You can and will take everything I give to you. You know why?”
I shake my head, tears gathering at the corners. How many times does this make it? Five? Twenty? A million? I don’t want to cry. I want to be strong. Why can’t he let me just be strong? His strong fingers smooth away the few errant tears sliding down my face.
“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
I thrash my head about, refusing to believe his words. I’ve never been strong. If I were truly strong, I would have gotten Melody and me out from under our parents sooner. I would have never been taken by those monsters. I would have never ended up here at the mercy of another. Dress him up and take away his penchant for violence, but he’s still a monster. He may not ravage my skin and hurt me cruelly, but the beast is deep down inside somewhere; all it takes is the right stimulus.
“Listen to me. Do you know why I do these things to you?”
“Because you’re a depraved man that wants to push me to the edge of my sanity?”
His lips quirk up. “Well, there is that. I will not deny your words. They’re absolutely accurate. But do you know the difference between you and me? I accept my depravity. You’re so bent on denying what you really need, what you crave. All it does is make you crazy in the end.”
“So what?” I cry out. Not caring at all if he punishes me for my defiance. “You don’t care what others think of you. I don’t want to be your depraved patient. I just. I just.”
“You just what? Tell me.”
“I just want to be a good girl. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to be.”
He stills above me. “Whatever makes you think you’re not a good girl?”
“How can I be? The things you make me want? The things you make me crave? Good girls don’t crave those. Good girls like sex in the dark with just enough sensation to make it enjoyable. They don’t want to burn with so much intensity they think they’ll die without it.”
“Oh, Chastity.” He sweeps his thumb across my lips. “That doesn’t make a good girl. I don’t know who filled your head with that lie. But it’s not true.”
“But it is,” I manage to croak, my throat aching from the amount of emotion pouring from me. “If I were just better at being good, none of this would have happened. Good girls don’t get taken. Good girls aren’t used as sex slaves. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”
Sobs wrack my body as Doctor Rayne pulls me in tight. He surrounds me with his touch, rocking with me, being my anchor. He says nothing as I crack open beneath him. All my hate, rage, pain, and sorrow well up and flow out, and he weathers all of it. My tears stain his shirt, but he doesn’t care. I try to pull back, but he doesn’t let me.
“It’s not your fault Chastity. Oh, my dear Chastity, none of this was your fault. Ever.”
“But my mom -.”
“Fuck your mother. She’s not important right now. Any woman who could convince you that rape in any form is your fault has no right to be called a mother. Now, you listen to me.” He tips a finger under my chin, forcing my gaze up. “I’m telling you, it’s not your fault. These desires you have, twisted as you may think they are, don’t make you good or bad. They just are. They’re neutral. You decide if you use them for good or not. I never want to hear you ever imply again that you’re not a good girl because you enjoy the passion I bestow upon you.”
My heart threatens to burst at his words. The pain spreads around the entire area, arresting my breath. It feels like it’s literally breaking. I want to believe him. I want to say, “yeah, you’re right.” But how do I refute years, literal decades of indoctrination? I clutch at his shirt, needing to feel him, begging him with my touch to give me the reassurance I need.
“Shhhhh,” he murmurs in my ear as we continue to rock. “Get it all out. The more you purge, the better you’ll feel. Trust me.” He pulls me back just enough to smooth my hair out of my face. “You’re not the only person that struggles with their desires, you know. How else do you think I make all this money?”
Sniffling, I give him a small smile. “I thought you just hypnotized everyone to it over.”
His roar of laughter catches me off guard. I gasp at the sensation of his chest sliding against mine as his chuckles rock him harder against me.
“Sex is a business that will never go out of business, my dear. You’ll do well to remember that. In all seriousness, though, I see people daily that struggle with what arouses them. You’re not the first, and you most certainly won’t be the last. I’m just grateful that your needs seem to match up beautifully with my own.”
He lies me back down on the bed and scoots up to sit on my chest. The weight of him calms me down, forces my breathing to slow. His lips quirk up in a wicked grin before he slides the head of his dick across my mouth. Though he’d gone soft through my breakdown, he quickly hardens as he uses my face for his pleasure. Opening, I dart my tongue out, licking his head. His groan vibrates through my body, and all I can think about is pleasuring him, pleasing him. I draw his head into my mouth and suck on him, delighting in the feeling of him getting harder as I torment him.
For the moment, I have the upper hand, and I revel in that knowledge. He rises up onto his knees to give me better access, but I’m still the one in control. For now. He’s not fooling me at all. I run my tongue along his head, savoring the taste of him. I’ve certainly had worse, but I haven’t had better either. The musky scent of him teases my nose as he feeds me his cock inch by inch.
Knowing what to expect, I don’t gag as quickly as I did last night. I’m able to control my breathing and my pacing until he’s seated fully inside. Scooting closer, he straddles my face and leans over. He grabs my hair, holding me in place, as he humps my face, riding me hard. Every time he bottoms out, he stays there for a minute, making me squirm beneath him. I breathe at his allowance; every swallow I’m allowed tastes like him.