Doctor Andrew spoke with me soon after I was taken in by Dean Anderson, but our conversations were usually light, affable. Nowhere did I ever see the man that’s now before me. He was always so soft-spoken and even-tempered. Even when he claimed Chastity in front of all of us, he still held himself in control.
Though he’s still in his element, still calm and methodical, there’s darkness threading through him that I never thought possible. It’s as if my entire world is being upended just from seeing this. What other Dominants here are cloaking their true selves and only showing a cultured version to the masses?
A shiver slithers up my spine as I look around the room. Everyone is fixated on Luke and the pain that’s being forced upon him. I’m the only one that seems disturbed by what I’m seeing. I force my gaze away, but that does nothing to remove the sights and sounds that have already embedded themselves.
It’s far too much. I thought I’d be able to handle this, but I was wrong. The sights, the sounds. I thought I got over Malum. I thought it was a distant memory that wouldn’t haunt me anymore. But watching him go through these horrors just brings it all back. It’s good I never attended the other initiations since I probably wouldn’t have been able to handle them either.
Standing up, I slip out the back but stop for a moment to look over my shoulder. Luke’s and my eyes lock, and the breath squeezes out of my lungs. It’s as if he can see through the mask and into the quivering girl underneath.
Shifting my gaze, I note Dean Anderson watching me, and knowing him, it’s worry that’s darkening his eyes and not anger. He’ll probably want to know why I left, but he won’t punish me for it. It’s not his way. He knows I have triggers, and even though this whole scenario is reminding me of Malum, it’s not what’s driving me to flee.
It’s the piercing eyes and stern set to Luke’s lips that force me to run away. The agony that pours off of him started it, but the fear of being possessed by him is what urges me to keep going and not look back.
No man has ever made me feel this needy, this desperate to submit, and while Luke is a nice daydream, a nice fantasy, he’s not the right choice for exploring the darker side. As much as I don’t want to play with the others here, there are far better options than Luke, someone that doesn’t frighten me as well as thrill me.