“Well, gee. I don’t know. Pretty sure if I did, we wouldn’t be here.”
He ignores my attitude and helps us back into his room. There’s no way I’m letting him examine her alone. I’ve heard far too many stories about how handsy he gets. By remaining in the room, hopefully, it will help keep him honest.
“When did the symptoms start?”
I open my mouth to answer, but Shelaine cuts me off. “I’ve been sick for a few days now, but the exhaustion just hit today.”
“A few days? You’ve been sick for a few fucking days and didn’t tell me?” My fingers curl up into fists as I stare at her. “Don’t you think that’s something you should have told me?”
“I didn’t think it was a big deal,” she snaps back, sliding her eyes over to me in a narrowed glare. “I thought it was something I ate. Why would I bother you over that?”
“Why? Why?” I start to pace around the room, my brain whirring a mile a minute. “I don’t know because I’m your husband? Because you’re supposed to tell me things?”
“I never chose this!” She screams back, her chest heaving. “I never asked you to be my husband!”
“Oh yes, you did,” I snarl back, prowling back over to her. “The moment you fucking said, ‘I do.’ I never forced your lips to say those words.”
“Well, you might as well have.”
Mr. Smiley steps in between us, holding out a cup. “As much as I hate to cut off this lover’s spat, I need some urine. Think you can manage that?”
Looking over at him, I size him up, glaring at the intrusion. It’s humiliating to be fighting like this, especially in front of him. Shoving it out of my mind, I look about the space for a moment before my heart sinks. “Where’s the bathroom?”
“There’s no need for one. I can watch.”
“Oh, like fuck you are. Get your perverted ass out of this room before you need a hospital bed for yourself.”
His lips quirk up into a smile for a moment before he bows his head and ducks out of the room. Looking back up at Shelaine, my heart shatters at the utter despair that’s on her face.
“Look, rabbit. I -.”
“What if I’m pregnant?” She wails, cutting me off. “What if that’s what this test shows. I -. How -. We can’t even be civil to each other, much less raise a baby together.”
“So you want to keep it?” I strive to keep my tone neutral, to not let the hope I feel slide in.
It’s not that I want a baby exactly, but if she’s indeed pregnant, I don’t want her to give it up or get rid of it. It’s half mine, and even though I’ll be a shitty father, I’ll at least try to be in their life. I’ve had more than enough examples of what not to do. Hopefully, it will be easier for me to avoid the pitfalls. I’ll at least be there in the kid’s life, unlike Louis. And there’s no way in hell I’ll let anyone close enough to harm my child, so there won’t be any issues like with Ryker.
I need to know what her plans are. I’m willing to step up, to be the best I can, but all of that predicates on whether or not she’s keeping it. As much as I want my child to have a full life, I can’t force one more thing onto Shelaine. But of course, she misunderstands my question.
Her arms wrap around her stomach as she glares at me. “Yes, I want to keep it,” she seethes. “I don’t get rid of things that others consider a mistake.”
Wincing, I pull back and cross my arms. “Is that why you kept me? Am I your mistake?”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“But that’s what you said.”
She sighs and hangs her head. “I didn’t think you were my mistake. But now, I wonder if I should have even agreed to become your submissive. It’s what started all of this.”
Her words hurt. They slash at me, cutting away at the remaining feelings of hope swirling in my body. “I never wanted this. I never wanted you to hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” she whispers, her words stoking the flames of longing, but even as they come out, her brow scrunches up, and tears gather in her eyes. “It just hurts.”
“I know. I know, baby.” Reaching up, I gather her into my arms and let her cry.
I stand there for God knows how long soothing my girl, promising her that it will all be okay. But will it? Is there any way this will ever turn into a happy ever after? Once the tears start to slow, I pull back and grab the cup from off the counter.
Luckily, I put her in a loose dress, so all she had to do was lift it and squat. When she finishes, she hands it back to me and grabs some paper towels from the wall to wipe up, then washes her hands. I put the cup back on the counter and stand in front of her, choking on my pride as I force myself to become humbled so that this relationship might be saved.
“I’m not a good man. I might have done the wrong thing by marrying you, but it was with the right intentions. Nothing in my life has been good. Maybe one day, I’ll tell you the sordid details, but not now. It’s far too fresh and painful.”
Pausing, I look up at her, noting the sheen to her eyes. “You’re the first thing that’s ever been truly good. Something I could hold onto on these lonely nights. When I first saw you outside of Malum, there wasn’t even a doubt in my mind that I didn’t deserve you. It was that feeling of unworthiness that made me latch on and never let you go.”
I stop and look back into her eyes, needing to convince her of the truth in my words. “I did what I thought I had to do. When you refused my proposal, I was scared. You’re the first person I’ve ever admitted that to. That should show you just how important you are to me. You’re the first thing I’ve allowed myself to want, and I’m sorry I broke you in the process of making you mine.”
Her soft sniffle is the only thing to break the silence. “I can’t let you go, Shelaine,” I continue. “I need you. I need you more than I need air, but we can’t go on like this. We don’t even act like friends, let alone married or even lovers. I don’t want that.”
“Wh -. What if I’m pregnant?”
Gathering her into my arms, I hold her close and rock her back and forth for a moment. “Then we’ll figure it out. There’s got to be someone around here that can give us pointers. Hell. I could always ask my mother.”
“I could ask mine too.” Her words are so soft; I almost miss them. She has a mom? From the way she spoke, it seemed like she was alone, abandoned just like me. “She probably doesn’t want anything to do with me. They probably think I’m dead.”
They. So the man in the pictures, her mom, they’re all still alive? Shock floods my system as I stare up at her. Why would she keep this from me? “What aren’t you telling me?”
“When I was kidnapped and taken to Malum, I couldn’t contact them. After escaping, I still didn’t tell them where I was. I didn’t want them getting hurt by the people at Malum. I was terrified. Even when Dean Anderson brought me here….” Her words trail off as her voice starts to become hoarse. “I never wanted them to die because of me.”
And that’s probably why she didn’t tell me either. Hell, when I threatened to take her back to Malum, that sealed the deal. I was so stupid. Pulling Shelaine’s head down to rest her forehead on mine, I breathe out a huge sigh.
“I can’t keep doing this, Shelaine. You’re my world. My life. Please. Please don’t shut me out. I promise to never take you back to Malum. There’s no way I could ever do that. You belong to me. Body, heart, and soul. No one from Malum will ever touch you or your family. I guarantee it.”
For a moment, Shelaine stares at me, her eyes flitting back and forth as she looks for something. No doubt, she doesn’t believe me, and why should she? I haven’t given her any reason to. After a few more minutes, the skepticism seems to give way to something closer to relief.
The tears that shine in her eyes now are no longer laden with sorrow. She practically glows as she beams up at me. This is what I wanted. This is how I wanted our life to be. I can feel the barrier between us starting to crumble, and I can finally breathe again.
Pulling back, I open the door to let Mr. Smiley know he can come back in. As he’s asking Shelaine questions, I shoot off a text to Louis, asking for the name of the man that bought her as well as any information on her parents. It takes several minutes, but the information comes through, and I can’t help but grin.
They’re not too far from Ashen Springs. Unfortunately, however, the man that bought her is already dead. It keeps me from the pleasure of doing it myself. Either way, Shelaine should be relieved to know that she and her family are forever safe.
Besides, Louis keeps trying to make things work between him and me, and this will be the perfect way to test him, to see if he actually wants to put things behind us and move on. If he’s willing to protect people that aren’t even family to him, he should be able to protect Shelaine’s parents.
“I’ll probably have you take another test in a week, but according to this, you are, in fact, pregnant.”
Mr. Smiley’s words cut through, and Shelaine and I just stare at each other, both of our expressions mirroring the surprise and horror.
“But how did this happen?” Her voice trembles just as much as her body, and I long to hold her again and curse out the doctor for causing this reaction to occur.
“Birth control isn’t infallible. You must be that unlucky percent.”
I can hear the pain and uncertainty in Shelaine’s voice, and it stirs up so many ugly emotions. Putting myself between her and Mr. Smiley, I cross my arms and stare him down. “How do we know you didn’t plan this? You know, give her a placebo or something?”
The moment the words come out of my mouth, I regret them. Shelaine gasps as if that thought never even occurred to her, and I’m sorry I even had to put that idea in her head. But I have to know.
Rolling his eyes, Mr. Smiley walks over to his computer and pulls up a database. From where I’m standing, I can’t make out any names, but I see rows of data.
“This is a list of every submissive, including dates of their first shot and scheduled shots after that. I keep meticulous records. HIPAA prevents me from letting you look at the details, but please understand that I wouldn't put in that many man-hours to keep everyone on a schedule if I was just handing out placebos. More than that, these are college students. Many cannot or will not provide for a child, and certainly, the Dominants don’t want to take on that burden. Can you just imagine the pandemonium?”
I nod, not really seeing the benefit of faking the submissives out. That would be a lot of babies and a lot of unwilling fathers.
“Now then,” he continues. “If you plan on keeping the child, I can provide some care, but you’ll need to see someone that actually specializes in obstetrics.”
“Well, of course, we’re keeping it,” I bark out, sliding my arm around Shelaine’s waist in a show of solidarity.
She gives me a soft smile and leans in, giving me hope that things might actually take a turn for the better. Pulling away, I duck out into the hall to call Cheyenne. Just in case Shelaine’s family wants nothing to do with her, I’ll still need a mom to help her through the process. Besides, it’s the least she can do for the hell I endured.
Now that it’s official, I feel both excited and nervous. This child will be the one thing I can truly say is mine. Shelaine may still end up leaving me, but that kid will always be my child. Despite that, though, there’s still the gut-churning fear that I’m going to just mess everything up. Hopefully, with Shelaine’s help, I can become the father I’m meant to be.
* * *