Hanna’s heart felt like it was being squeezed by a vice. She was so scared he’d believe Caroline over her. Why wouldn’t he?
“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “But I believed her.” Hanna wanted to go back in time, relive that telephone conversation and ask Caroline more pointed questions. But she’d been so emotional, reeling from the discovery that she was pregnant, desperate to talk to Richard and tell him the news. Caroline had taken advantage and cut her off before she’d even begun.
“You don’t know.” His voice had taken on that dead tone again. She was finding it so hard to read him. His face was like a mask, and she wanted to reach out and grab him, shake some feeling into him. “So why didn’t you call me again?”
Hanna licked her dry lips. “Because if I told you I was pregnant, you would have left Meredith. I couldn’t do that to her, I couldn’t do that to you. I thought she was paralyzed and she needed you. I knew it would tear you in two to decide between us.”
“It was all a lie.” His previous stoic face was overrun by emotion. “My mother lied.”
“She didn’t know I was pregnant.” Hanna’s voice wavered, and she could feel the tears pricking at her eyes. “I should have told you.”
He pushed himself out of his seat, pacing the dark wooden floor. “I can’t even tell you how fucked up I am right now. I’m so angry at my mother, and at you, I’m even furious Ruby got to meet my son before I did. If you weren’t the mother of my child, I’d probably want to kill you.”
Hanna could feel herself shaking again. His frame of mind was swinging all over the place, and she could understand why. If she’d just found out about a child, eighteen months after the fact, she’d be angry, too. Not to mention confused and frightened.
She looked at him. “You said you had questions, as in plural?”
“What’s his full name?”
This was going to hurt
, she thought. “Matthew Richard Vincent.”
“You named him after me?”
“I couldn’t give him your surname, so I gave him your first name. Matthew means Gift from God.” She allowed a small sigh to escape her lips. “He truly is a gift, Richard.”
“Is he healthy? Is he happy?” His words shot out like bullets.
Her heart clenched. Even in the most emotional turmoil of his life, he was asking about the well being of others. She tried to quench the love for him that was threatening to spill out of her.
“He’s perfectly healthy. He’s had all his immunizations. There have been a few falls and bruises, but nothing major.” She attempted to smile at him through her tears. “He’s the happiest kid you could ever meet. He’s always smiling, loves playing games. When I walk into the house after I’ve been out, the sweetest, most beautiful grin seems to split his face in two.” She was waxing lyrical now, on a roll. “And he’s so clever. He already knows so many words, and he was walking before he was a year. You’ll love him.”
The rapt expression on Richard’s face told her he already did.
“I need to see him.” His voice cracked. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
Hanna wanted to reach out and touch him. The maelstrom of emotions was taking its toll on Richard. She was desperate to help him. “I’m so sorry. I wish you could have been there when he was born.”
“Was it an easy birth?” He stopped pacing and moved back to sit with her. This time he was beside her, and it gave her a spark of hope.
“It felt like he was ripping me in two, but he was worth all the pain. The moment they put him in my arms I realized I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.”
“Have you got any pictures, of when he was a baby?”
“All the newborn ones are in an album at home. In France. I’ve got a few of when he was crawling.” She scrolled through her phone and showed the photos to Richard. He looked at them all, his eyes lit up as he regarded his son.
“He’s beautiful,” he whispered.
“I can’t wait for you to meet him.”
“Ruby let me listen to him on the phone. He said your name.”
Hanna swallowed, her smile eclipsed by the tears as she thought about Matty. She missed him so much it hurt. Her arms ached from his absence. She reached up and wiped her damp cheeks.
“He’s such a clever boy.”
The door opened and Lisa put her head around the space. “Jack’s here with your luggage. Do you want to go straight down?”