There it was again; the barrier which had haunted them for twelve years, only now with added complications.
“We can make this work,” Hanna argued, unsure of who she was trying to convince. “If we’re both willing to try.”
Richard leaned forward, and for a moment she wished the coffee table would disappear.
“I’m willing to try.”
Her mouth was too dry to swallow, and she could feel her heartbeat start to race as his stare remained on her face. His eyes were dark in the ambient glow of the lamplight, but the green halo surrounding them kept her gaze captured.
“We’ll move to New York, Matty and I.” Her mouth opened before her brain engaged, but she couldn’t bring herself to feel sorry. “I’ll find an apartment and we can share custody there.”
His eyebrows rose with surprise. “You’d do that?”
Hanna was almost as shocked as him. She slowly nodded. “Yes, I’d do that. Matty deserves to see you, not only for holidays, but in the evenings, and on weekends. I can’t think of another way.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
She gave him a small smile. “There’s no need to say anything. I’m doing this for me as much as for you two.” She leaned forward and put her glass down on the table. At the same moment, Richard reached out and captured her hand in his. She gasped at the contact, the warmth of his hand, and the roughness of his skin. It was the first time they had really touched in two years. Memories flooded her soul, until they were a constant ache in her chest.
She stared at the way his hand curled around hers, the warm hue of his skin contrasting with her own, paler flesh. Drawing in a ragged breath, she willed herself to lift up her eyes, wanting to see what emotion was behind his move.
When she finally looked at his face, she saw him staring back. His expression was tender. She knew he was grateful for her offer, and nothing more, but it didn’t stop her heart from racing as she took in his gentle smile and the shallow lines around his eyes. The years hadn’t diminished his beauty; he seemed to have grown into his looks, and the way the emotions were spilling out of her gut she knew of one undeniable fact.
She was still in love with Richard Larsen.
HANNA TRIED NOT to grimace as they walked across the tarmac, but it was a losing battle when she saw the white jet waiting for them. It was lower to the ground than she was used to, six galvanized metal steps away, and the five portholes facing her were gleaming and bright.
She turned to look at Matty, who was clinging to Richard’s neck with one arm, his other pointing at the plane.
“That?” he asked, and Hanna allowed herself to smile.
“It’s a plane. It’s going to take us up into the sky.” She reached out and touched his cheek.
“All the way to London,” Richard added.
And the frown was back again.
“You okay?” he asked, noticing the way she withdrew.
Hanna nodded her head. She would be, once they got the trip to London over with. She was afraid to see Claire and Steven, and was thinking of staying in the hotel when Richard took Matty to meet them. She knew she was a coward, but there was only one way this meeting could possibly end.
In tears.
“I’m afraid this thing is only taking us to London.” Richard tapped his hand on the jet, making a clanging, metallic sound. “We need to fly scheduled to New York.”
“How dreadful,” Hanna allowed herself to crack a smile. “I hate slumming it.”
Richard’s lips twitched. “It wasn’t you I was feeling sorry for. It was all the other passengers once we let our boy loose on the plane.”
Hanna closed her eyes and tried to picture Matty running up the aisle of first class, knocking over drinks and disturbing angry businessmen. Maybe a three-day layover in London wasn’t such a bad thing after all.
They climbed up the steps. She took Matty from Richard’s arms as he stopped to chat with the pilot, discussing the flight plan and arrival times. Walking into the main cabin, she felt herself gasp; it was so very different to the standard class she usually frequented. The bright colors of the airline had been replaced by muted cream leather and dark walnut veneer. It had a calming effect, and as she sat down in her seat, with Matty in her lap, she allowed herself to relax.
“We’ll be leaving in ten minutes, they’re doing the final check,” Richard explained, as he walked into the cabin. Matty’s head turned automatically at his father’s voice, his eyes seeking him out as he walked over to them. “Hey little guy, are you looking forward to the flight?” He looked up at Hanna. “Did you bring a bottle for his ears?”
“It’s right here.” She pointed to the table in front of them. “I’ve filled it with water.”
They were both afraid he’d inherited Hanna’s ear problems. She had trouble every time she flew, and the thought of her son going through the same sort of pain was too much to bear. They’d brought bottles and pacifiers in the hope he would be able to suck and alleviate any pressure in his canals.