Not my finest moment.
I took a taste of the forbidden, and now it’s all that I can think about. I was worried I wouldn’t remember, but I shouldn’t have been. Some details are fuzzy, but the feel of his lips pressed to mine is there.
So yeah, avoidance has been my middle name all week. I used the excuse that I was cleaning out the spare bedroom and painting. I’ve been talking about doing it since the day I moved in. It’s one of those “I want to get to it” kind of things. The trouble with that excuse is that I had to actually do it. That way, when my overly perceptive twin sister decides to stop in and check on me, I’m not lying.
Not completely anyway.
I debated with myself all week long about showing up, but at the end of the day, Clayton and Hudson are both good friends of mine. This party has been planned for weeks to say farewell to Clayton. It’s just been in the last week that Hudson's name was added as a guest of honor.
I didn’t realize that Hudson was thinking of traveling to Guatemala with Clayton. When I asked Raven about it after she told me he was leaving and turned my world upside down, she told me it was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. I know his parents met in the Peace Corps, and she said something about him finding himself or something like that. To be honest, I was only half listening. I could barely hear my own thoughts over the rumble of thunder in my chest.
Pulling into the parking lot of the local VFW hall, I stare at the building. I’ve been here several times for parties, graduation parties, baby showers, weddings. You name it. However, today is the first time I’ve ever dreaded going inside.
I don’t want to do this.
I don’t want to face him.
I don’t want to say goodbye.
To either of them. This isn’t just about Hudson. Clayton grew up with us, and it’ll be hard to say goodbye to him for two long years. Not to mention, I know my sister is in love with him, but she’s too stubborn to tell him. All the blame doesn’t lie with Raven, though. Clayton is just as guilty. However, I keep my mouth shut, considering I’ve harbored my own feelings for Hudson for years, and keep that shit locked up tight.
Regardless, my sister and I are saying goodbye to the men we’re secretly in love with, so yeah, tonight is going to suck. Squaring my shoulders, I grab my purse, making sure the cards I bought for each of them are inside, pull my keys from the ignition, and push open the door to my car. I have a plan. Get in and get out. I’ve already concocted a story of a headache. I won’t drink so that I can drive and get away when I’m ready.
Who am I kidding? I’m ready now.
My palms are sweaty, and the headache story isn’t far off with the way I’ve been stressing over this event. Regardless, I have to make an appearance, which is why I keep placing one foot in front of the other.
I took extra time getting ready. It started out as a way to stall, but then I realized if this is the last time I’m going to see Hudson for a year, I want to look good for him. Not that he’ll know that, but I’ll know. I’m wearing a casual V-neck spaghetti-strap swing dress. I bought it on a whim last summer and found it in the back of my closet. My hair is done in a waterfall braid, and my makeup is what I hope is on point, considering I did it three times. I didn’t want it to look as if I was trying too hard when, in reality, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
“Hey! I didn’t think you were ever going to get here.” Raven rushes toward me and wraps her arms around me.
“I’ve been fighting a headache all afternoon.” I feel like a tool for lying to her, but this is the plan, and I’ve committed to it.
Her brow furrows in concern. “Did you take anything?”
“I did. Just waiting for it to kick in.”
“Well, let’s get you a drink,” she says, linking her arm with mine.
“Just water for me.” She nods and leads me to a row of coolers. She opens three before she finds the water.
“I told them they should have just gotten a keg and been done with it,” Raven says, pointing at all the coolers.
“We know you ladies like those cooler things,” Clayton says, walking up behind us.
“Hi, Clay,” I say, feeling emotions begin to well in the back of my throat.
“Riles.” He winks and pulls me into a one-armed hug.
I hug him back.