Misconception (Coming Home)

I lose my battle with the tears that are burning my eyes. I pull the blanket to my face to try to hide it, but the shake of my shoulders and my baby belly gives me away.

“Honey, I’m sorry.” Janice places her hand on my shoulder, and that only makes me cry harder.

“I-I need to” I can’t seem to relay that I need a minute. I have to get out of this room, away from prying eyes, away from my child’s grandmother. It’s too much. The pain is too raw, and I can’t deal. I just… I need a damn minute.

I manage to stand from the recliner, something that’s getting harder and harder to do with each passing day, and flee from the room. I don’t stop to think about the scene that I’m causing or the worry that I saw on Janice and Raven’s faces. All I can think about is the crippling pain in my chest. I make it to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I drop to the corner of the bed. One hand rests on my baby boy, and the other grips the sheets.

She gave me his blanket. The guilt is crushing as I think about the lie that I’ve told. Janice and Rick don’t deserve this secret. I have to keep reminding myself that Hudson made his choice. He chose to ignore not one but two letters letting him know that he’s going to be a father. He replies to Raven and everyone else in our group, but when it comes to me, it’s crickets and an empty mailbox. I check it obsessively, and nothing. Nada. Zilch. This isn’t all on me.

“Riles?” Raven’s voice is muffled with the shut bedroom door between us.

“Come in,” I tell her. There is no use in asking her to go away. My twin sister and I can feel each other's emotions, something I would never have believed had I not experienced it on my own.

I look up, not bothering to wipe at the tears coating my cheeks as she enters the room. Her hand is splayed out over her heart, and her brows are furrowed. “Is it the baby?” she asks softly.

“No. It’s just… a lot, you know? Everyone is here for my son and me, and it’s just… overwhelming.” That is as close to the truth as I can get right now.

“They love you. Both of you.” She takes another step toward me. “I know sperm donor isn’t around, but that’s okay because you have a village. Literally, this town is going to be there for you. And our friends, the guys, are already super protective of you, and Darcey and April were arguing with me about who would get to babysit for you first.”

“You win that hands down,” I tell her.

Her smile is beaming. “Number one aunt,” she says, raising her hand. “You sure there’s nothing else?”

“I’m good. Just pregnancy hormones and an overemotional day.”

“I wish Mom were here,” she whispers.

“Me too, Raven. Me too.”

She leans over and hugs me tight. “I’ll give you a few minutes. Then we need to get back out there. It’s time for presents.”

“No more games?”

She tosses her head back in laughter. “I think I’ve tortured you enough. Let’s get to the good stuff.” She rubs her hand over my belly. “All the cuteness that is my nephew. Seriously, shopping for babies is the most fun I’ve had in ages.”

I raise a brow at her.

“Okay, the most fun shopping I’ve had in ages. Everything is so damn tiny and so cute.”

Her smile is contagious. “I love you, Raven.”

“Love you too, baby sister.” She winks and walks out of the room.

I give myself a few more minutes to gather my composure. I’m glad Janice decided to give me the blanket and the explanation before the rest of the gifts. I think I managed to sneak away before too many people saw me as a blubbering mess.

I just need to avoid Janice for the rest of the party as much as I can. Pulling open the door, I’m surprised to see Janice standing there leaning against the wall, wringing her hands together.

“Riley,” she whispers. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Pregnancy hormones.” My voice cracks with my reply.

She steps forward and wraps her arms around me in a hug. “I know how much you miss your momma, and I know I’m not her, but I have always considered you and Raven my girls.” She tightens her hold in one final squeeze before releasing me. “Now, let’s dry these tears.” She wipes at my cheeks. “And go spoil this little one.” With her arm around my shoulders, she leads us down the hall and back to the shower.

No one questions where we’ve been, and if my face is red and blotchy, no one mentions it, for which I am eternally grateful. I push my guilt way down and plaster on a fake smile that becomes genuine with each passing minute. My living room is overflowing with gifts for my baby boy, and my heart is full. So full.