So many outfits, bottles, blankets, toys, diapers, lotions, a bouncy seat, a high chair, the list goes on and on. “Who knew a tiny human needed so much?” I ask as I hand the final gift, a laundry basket full of diapers and wipes, to my sister.
“This cute little house of yours is about to be overrun.” Margaret smiles. “Just wait until you step on a toy like a Lego in the middle of the night,” she announces, and the other mothers in the room are in agreement.
“Have you decided on a name?” Carly Sanderson asks.
“Not yet. I think I want to meet him first, but I do have an ever-growing list,” I answer for what feels like the millionth time since people realized I was pregnant. It’s a question everyone wants to know the answer to.
I’m struggling with the decision. Giving your child a name they will be stuck with for the rest of their lives is a huge decision. You have to think about nicknames and kids making fun of them for their parents’ choice. It’s a lot of pressure. The pressure that I’m shouldering all on my own as a single mother.
“I can’t thank you all enough for being here,” I say, feeling myself start to get choked up again. I rest my hands on my growing bump. “I love all of these amazing gifts, and I’m sure baby boy will as well.”
“How’s the nursery coming along?” Carol, Darcey’s mom, asks.
“It’s in progress.” I smile. “The furniture was delivered earlier this week, and I have the paint purchased. Bruce, Jacob, and Brett are coming over tomorrow to paint and assemble everything for me. I told them I could handle it, but they insisted they do it. So all of these leftovers will be put to good use.”
“Um, you’re probably going to need to order pizza too,” April comments. “Have you seen those knuckleheads eat? They can put it away.” She chuckles.
“I was planning on it.” I turn to look at Raven. “I know you’re coming over too. Will you stop and pick up some beer for them on your way over? That’s the least I can do.”
“Damn, Riles, they’re going to want to move in,” Margaret teases, making us all laugh.
For the next hour or so, I make my way around the room. I take my time saying hello and thank you and passing out hugs to everyone who came to shower my baby boy and me with gifts today. The love and support I’ve received from everyone has been overwhelming.
Finally, when everyone is gone, I sit in my new rocking recliner and look at all the packages throughout the living room. “You’re spoiled,” I say, rubbing my belly. “As soon as your furniture is put together, I can get you organized.”
As it always does, my mind drifts to Hudson. I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing. Is he safe? Does he think about our baby and me? I never imagined this is how he would react. Shocked? Sure. Nervous? Absolutely. Never did I think he would just ghost me. Maybe he’s not the man I thought he was. Maybe I don’t know him at all.
I’m hurt by his rejection, but I don’t have time to dwell on that. I have our son to raise. No, I have my son to raise. He’s made his stance on my child clear. I will be the best mommy and stand-in daddy I can be. Not a day will go by that my son will not know how much he’s loved.
One day he’s going to ask about his daddy, and I’ll have to tell him something, but we can cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, I need sleep before the guys arrive bright and early to do my bidding—Bruce’s words, not mine.
It takes me three tries to get out of the recliner. Once I’m steady on my feet, I make sure the house is locked up and turn out all the lights. By the time I’ve finished my nightly routine and I’m changed into my pajamas, I’m too exhausted to lie awake and think about Hudson. Too bad I’m not too tired to dream about him too.
CHAPTER 16
Hudson
I can’t stop staring.
She’s so fucking beautiful it hurts to breathe.
Riley.
Raven sent me another letter. This time, she included a picture. It’s her and Riley, and they’re standing side by side, smiling wide, and they are surrounded by gift bags. Her letter said it was the baby shower. The knife of that knowledge twists in my gut.
I love my best friend, and it’s good to set eyes on her, but that look was brief as I fold the image in half, so it’s just showing Riley. Her belly is round and swollen, and it makes me a sick fuck to think about how damn sexy she is. She’s pregnant with another man’s baby, and I can’t stop thinking about running my hands over every inch of her.