She looks up at me, and the heartbreak written on her face is palpable. “Here.” She hands me the letter. My eyes scan over it, and it’s addressed to me in Guatemala. There is a red stamp on the outside marking it as undeliverable.
“I don’t know which one it is.”
“Come here.” I pull her into a hug.
“Hudson?”
“Yeah?”
“Open it.”
“What? No. I don’t need to open it. The past is in the past.”
“I want you to read it. Please.”
“Why?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I just… I feel like you need to read it.”
“Okay.”
“Now.”
“Anything you want.” If it’s within my power, I’ll give it to her. I know this will probably rip my heart out. Just seeing it already has my nerves twisting in my gut. Standing, I move to the recliner and stare at the envelope. There is a slight tremble in my hands as I tear it open before I unfold the paper and begin to read.
Hudson,
I want to start by saying I’m sorry. I ran away from you because I wasn’t sure if you would even remember our night together. I didn’t want to see regret in your eyes when you woke up. I took the coward's way out, and I apologize for that.
I miss you, Hudson. I knew it would be hard for me, but this is worse than I expected. I hate to do this via a letter, but I want you to know that I care about you so much. No, that’s not true. I love you. I’ve been in love with you for a really long time. I didn’t tell you that because I expect there to be an us. I need to make sure I’m clear on that. I told you that because I feel it’s important for you to know it before I drop the next truth bomb on you.
Here goes nothing… I’m pregnant. I don’t know if you remember much about our night together. I know you tried to call me, but I had earplugs in and was sleeping. Not saying goodbye to you is a regret that I will always have to live with. Anyway, we didn’t use protection, but I’m on the pill, so this little miracle is simply that—a miracle. I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you. I can do this on my own. I can be a single mom, but you deserve the right to know and the right to choose if you want to be in your child’s life.
This is where my first confession comes into play. No matter what you decide, I’ll support you. If you want to be in his or her life, I welcome that and you with open arms to have a relationship with our child. I know that doesn’t mean we will be together, but know that I will always speak of you in high regard to our child. I won’t turn them against you in any way, no matter what you choose. That goes for our friends and family too. I’m not telling them that you’re the father. I won’t do that unless you want to be in his or her life. It’s okay. I know this is out of the blue and not at all how you expected your life to go. I love you enough to keep this secret for you. For our child.
I know you’ve committed to time there, so if you choose to be a part of this, I promise I will write to you every day. I’ll take pictures and document them as our baby grows and develops. And well, if you decide not to, it will be a nice way to show my baby one day.
So there it is. A letter full of truths that I wish I could tell you face-to-face. Please let me know what you’re feeling, and I promise you that this will stay between us if that’s what you want.
I hope that you’re staying safe. I miss you so much.
All my love,
Riley
If I thought the tremble in my hands was bad before her words, it’s now out of control. I drop the letter to the floor and stand. I find her eyes across the room. She’s still standing with a towel wrapped around her hair and her body. She has our son in her arms, holding him tightly to her chest while tears stream down her cheeks.
She’s never looked more beautiful to me.
“That’s why you didn’t tell anyone? You were protecting me?” I know my dad said it to her the night we revealed the truth to them, but I never really put much thought into it. I meant it when I said the past was behind us. I had the girl and the baby neither of us expected, and that was enough for me.
“I made you a promise. You don’t break promises to people you love.”