She needed something that would last more than one night. It wasn’t fair to tease her heart with such comforts when they’d ultimately go away.
“We aren’t kids anymore, Harrison. There are certain things I need.”
“Tell me what you want.”
“Trust me, you aren’t offering.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know.”
It didn’t escape her that he flipped her words, subtly calling her needs wants. She wanted lots of things, but what she needed was some sort of stability in her life. She needed a man she could depend on.
“I want you, Harrison, there’s no denying that. But I need more. I need someone who will see me as a life raft on their worst day, not as an anchor that might hold them back.”
“That’s not fair.”
“That’s the truth. You told me you never said goodbye because you were afraid I’d hold you here.”
“I meant you’d make it harder to go.”
“Exactly. I don’t want to make anyone’s life harder, Harrison. I want the opposite. And I think we both need to accept the reality of us. We don’t work, at least not long term.” She forced her hands back into her lap. “We just want different things.”
“Is this about that guy?”
“No. This is about me.” She wanted someone to watch over her the way Erin and Giovanni watched over each other, the way her mom watched over her dad.
He brushed a finger over her knee, his nails bitten even shorter than before. “I would have stayed with you at the hospital.”
“And I appreciate that, but you’re eventually going to leave. The reality is, you’re not staying in Jasper Falls and I’m not moving to New York.”
“Why can’t we just live in the moment?”
It was time to tell him the truth. For years, she’d danced around the heavy topics, too afraid her feelings might scare him away, but he’d left anyway. She couldn’t keep repeating the same painful patterns. It was time to break the cycle.
“Because I’m in love with you.”
He stared at her, his face a mix of confusion and regret. The unmistakable meaning of his silence gutted her, but she heard his truth loud and clear.
“Those feelings last longer than a fleeting moment, Harrison. You don’t take them with you when you leave.”
A tear rolled past her lashes but she was too exhausted to wipe it away. His gaze turned toward the table, as if the sight of her sadness was too much for him to bear.
She sensed him pulling away from her. As always, the moment things got too real, his instinct was to disappear.
“I can’t keep pretending our connection is casual when it’s always been the exact opposite for me. I can’t be something meaningless to you.”
His head shot up and he glared at her. “You’re not meaningless to me. How could you think that?”
“I guess, what I’m trying to say, is that I need to mean something more to the person who holds me through the night. I want your arms physically around me, Harrison, but I need someone who won’t emotionally let go.”
His head lowered, his voice dropping to a rasp, “It would mean something.”
“But it wouldn’t change anything.”
CHAPTER 21
The bell at the front of the store jingled, and Harrison tossed another cardboard box he’d constructed into the pile on the floor of the back room.
“Hello?” a voice sung from the front. “Anyone here? Are you open?”
Harrison exited the back room and found Maureen McCullough perusing a display of masking tape options. “Mrs. McCullough.”
“Harrison, love, I wondered if you were here. Are you open? I saw the lights on and the door was unlocked—”
“We’re open.” He cut her off, knowing she’d keep talking if he didn’t stop her.
“This is quite a sale you’re having. Is it eighty percent off everything or is it just some items?”
“Everything’s on sale.”
It all had to go. The sooner the better.
“Well then...” She tossed six rolls of duct tape into the basket looped over her arm. “Have my sisters been here yet?”
“No one’s been here.” He hadn’t opened since the news about Mariella’s father, but after last night…
He couldn’t believe she finally ended things. When he hugged her goodbye, it was clear neither of them wanted to let go, but she was right. It wasn’t fair for him to keep hurting her. She deserved more. He’d always known that, but since returning to Jasper Falls, he thought…
He didn’t know what he thought. Nothing had changed. She was still too good for him, and he would only wind up hurting her again.
She had every right to turn him away. It was unfortunate that it had to happen now, when he could really use a friend, and she was also going through a tough time. But it was for the best.
It just sucked.
He’d opened the store out of sheer desperation. He couldn’t do another day trapped in his hotel room thinking about Mariella.