“Yes.” The word is little more than a sigh. “Patroclus?”
“Mmm?”
The tiniest hesitation. When she speaks again, she sounds soft and tired and not at all the fiery woman I’ve dealt with up to this point. “I really didn’t mean for things to get out of control with Achilles. I…like you. I’ve always liked you. I never would have hurt you on purpose. I just…” She gives a bitter laugh. “I get reckless when I’m hurting, and I was feeling vulnerable after… Well, if you hadn’t stopped the treadmill, I probably would have run myself into the ground. It doesn’t excuse what I did, but I truly am sorry.”
I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to that, but I get the feeling that Helen doesn’t open up to anyone, so I can’t leave this confession hanging. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.” Ridiculous that all I want to do is comfort her, hold her until that fragile shake in her voice disappears. I should be clinging to my anger, but it all feels like too much effort right now. I lean against the headboard and close my eyes. “It’s okay, Helen. We’re good.”
“Oh. Good.” Her voice goes faint, as if she’s falling asleep. “The funny thing… I want to sleep with you. I don’t even like Achilles. Mostly.” She yawns. “But I would happily climb you like a tree.”
Desire shoots through me, as intense as it is inappropriate. Knowing the attraction I feel is reciprocated… Does it even matter? Achilles should be my first priority. Even if I wasn’t his first priority when he fucked Helen.
When was the last time I took something—someone—solely because I wanted to without worrying about how he’d feel about it? He is the selfish one, the brash one, the one with a heart he’s all too happy to give to anyone who catches his fancy. Yes, he keeps part of himself for me and me alone, but even when I’ve indulged with other people, it’s been about a moment’s pleasure rather than chasing a connection.
I feel a connection with Helen. I don’t know if it’s lust or the potential for something more. Up until this moment, I had resigned myself to it remaining unexplored. But Achilles pulled that trigger first, didn’t he? It’s not as if he can blame me for making the exact same selfish choice he made…
I drag in a rough breath and guide my thoughts away from the brink. “Go to sleep, Helen. I’ll watch over you tonight.” And tomorrow?
Tomorrow, we’ll see.
15
Helen
I wake up pressed against Patroclus, his larger body spooning me from the back. His very, very large cock is making itself known. Good morning. Instigator that I am, I roll my hips a little, rubbing along his length. His low groan in my ear is so very Patroclus that I smile without opening my eyes. I’m not sure when he ended up under the covers with me, but I’m not complaining.
This is…nice.
“Are you awake, Helen?”
I reach up to trail my fingers over his forearm where it bands across my ribs just under my breasts. “Yes.”
“We should get up.” But he holds me tighter, burying his face in the back of my neck. I think I feel the brush of his lips against my skin, but I can’t be sure. He’s right. We should get up and start the day and face the reality of what almost happened last night…
I don’t want to. Not yet.
It’s been so fucking long since I’ve woken up next to someone, and even longer since I’ve enjoyed the moment instead of going through the motions of getting them out of my apartment as quickly as possible. Maybe it’s my history with Patroclus, maybe it the man he’s become, but he makes me feel safe. He let me spew all that bullshit at him last night and didn’t tell me to stop indulging in self-pity or being dramatic. He didn’t call me weak for having messy emotions after being attacked. He just listened and then told me to go to sleep in that deliciously stern tone he adopts when he’s got my best interests in mind.
My treacherous desires whisper that this is what it could be like if things were different, if we were different people in a different situation. If I let down my barriers a little and he wasn’t already in love with a big golden dick. Achingly honest conversation that’s somehow gentle despite the rawness. For the first time in my life, I haven’t been watching my words and hiding behind doublespeak and carefully curated words. Both Achilles and Patroclus bring out different parts of me, and they’re honest parts. I don’t know how to deal with that, but this isn’t the time or place for that sort of soul-searching, not with the stakes so sky-high.