The impulse rises to get up and walk away, to retreat somewhere that I don’t have to navigate other people’s feelings for a little while, but I shove it down. Either I want him to take me seriously, or I don’t. If I do, then I have to deal with this like an adult, and adults don’t flee conversations just because they make them uncomfortable. I try for a smile, but my voice is still too sharp to pass off as humor. “I mean, if you want to be flogged that badly, I’m sure I can scrounge up some latex and a whip. It’s not really my cup of tea, but I’m willing to try anything once.”
Achilles laughs again. “Told you so.”
Finally, a small eternity later, Patroclus lifts his mug and sips. He’s looking at me like he’s never seen me before. No, that’s not quite right. He’s looking at me like I just gave him a new piece of information to chew on, and now he has to realign his assumptions. We’ll see if it sticks.
When he finally speaks, he sounds almost normal. “Your point is taken.”
“Thank you.” I’ve been around the block too many times to believe him based solely on his words. Even for someone like Patroclus, words are easy enough to fake. Or that’s what I tell myself. My brain is on board with the plan to leave a little distance between me and these men. My chest, though? It gives a strange little thump that has me pressing my palm to my sternum.
I turn to Achilles to distract myself. “As to your suggestion that we keep fucking, the answer is…it depends.”
He gives me that lazy smile that has my body flushing with heat despite myself. He really is too handsome to be real. “What’s it depend on, princess?”
On how badly I need to escape the thoughts circling my head.
Except that’s not entirely true, is it? It may have started out that way, but things are both more and less complicated now. I liked what we did together. I want to do it again. I also realize it’s a terrible idea, but I doubt that will be enough to stop me. I’m not a masochist, and there’s plenty of pleasure to be had in my normal life—at least these days. No, there’s something that draws me to both these men, a tug deep inside me that I don’t know how to quantify or deny.
I haven’t worn a mask with them since this tournament began. They’ve seen the real me, warts and all. No matter their motivations or how doomed this whole thing is, that’s a heady feeling that I’m not willing to give up yet. I take a slow breath. “It depends on whether or not you’re going to stop trying to convince me to quit.” Just because Achilles didn’t capitalize on my being off-center last night doesn’t mean it won’t keep coming up. I know him well enough by now to know he’s just as stubborn as I am.
“No. Next question.”
I blink. He didn’t even hesitate. “What do you mean, no?”
“No. It’s a small word, but you probably don’t hear it often.” Achilles rolls his head on his shoulders in a slow circle, making his neck pop. “You’re going to get hurt if you don’t quit, and you might be a pain in my ass, but that doesn’t mean I want to watch one of the other champions crush you. Why?” He pins me with a surprisingly shrewd look. “Are you wavering so much in your goal that you think I can change your mind?”
“No, of course not.” It’s the truth. If anything, I’m more set than ever.
“Then what’s the problem? It doesn’t matter what I say…or do.” He injects enough insinuation into the last word to sink an armada.
It’s a fair point, even though I don’t want to admit it. Something warm and unforgivable curls in my chest at the easy belief Achilles has in me. Both that I won’t change my mind and that I won’t allow myself to be convinced. Does he realize what a compliment that is? More, how rare it is for the people around me? “Fine,” I say slowly. “Then I guess we should keep fucking.”
“Great. We’re decided.” He turns his attention to Patroclus. “Do you want to argue in circles for a few more hours, or do you want to finish that coffee and make Helen ruin the bedsheets again? The next trial isn’t until tomorrow morning, so we have plenty of time for fun before we need to sleep.”
Patroclus shakes his head slowly. “Bellerophon will be here in ten minutes. Get your head out of the gutter.”
“You know what they say about all work and no play, Patroclus.” I’ve never seen Achilles like this. The gorgeous warrior. The irritating asshole. The sexy dominant. But never the playful puppy. It’s disconcerting in the extreme, especially when he catches my eye and winks at me. “Look at the princess. You hurt her feelings when you acted like fucking her was something to be guilty about.”