I cross my arms over my chest. “I’m listening.”
“Helen can’t come. You’re Athena’s people, and she doesn’t want the new Ares anywhere near you.” He narrows his eyes. “I also get the feeling that she’s not sure of her welcome.”
“Sounds like excuses to me.” If I were in Helen’s place, I would have told Athena to fuck off, no matter how much I admire her. Patroclus matters more than anything.
“Spoken like a man with more brawn than brain.”
I start to snarl back, but I can’t help thinking about the conversation we had with Helen after the second trial. She might not have any experience leading soldiers, but her brain is more than twisty enough to be at home steeped in the Thirteen’s fucked-up politics. I have a prior relationship with Athena, which might have smoothed the way when I became Ares, but I know better than most that she bends for no one.
Would she truly have kept me from Patroclus?
The thought leaves me cold.
“Ah. Maybe there is a brain in there after all.” Eros shrugs. “It’s not my business. I’m only here to deliver Helen’s message. She said, and I quote, ‘Tell them that I still want that pretty future they painted. If they do, that is.’”
She wants a future with us. I don’t know whether to laugh or curse. This is probably some fucked-up version of karma for being so sure that she’d forgive me if I took Ares from her, but it’s not the same. It’s not the same. Without Ares, Helen is still a Kasios. She might be a pawn moved about by her brother, but she has power. Only a fool would say she doesn’t. People will remember her forever, would have even before she entered her name as a contender for Ares.
Even before she won.
I know who I am as Athena’s second-in-command. It’s not the role I wanted to play forever, but I understand the parameters. I’m good at it, too. The best.
If I gamble it all on Helen, that means sacrificing my place beneath Athena. She’s not one to allow her people to serve two masters, and starting a romantic relationship with Ares is exactly that. Leaving her command means there’s no going back. If things fall apart with Helen, I’ll truly be left with nothing. “She’s asking too much.”
“If you say so.” Eros sighs like I’ve disappointed him. I don’t get how. I barely know the guy. “Look, Helen is a friend, so I’m going to be uncharacteristically straight with you. Her charging to your side and defying Athena on her first day as Ares might sound romantic as fuck, but every action she makes now has consequences. There’s something happening in Olympus, something beyond the petty politics, and she can’t afford to make enemies right now. Not for anyone. It’s not just your lover’s life on the line.” He pulls open the door. “I’ll be in the waiting room until Patroclus gets out of surgery because she wants an update on him. If you decide you want to send a message back, that’s where you can find me.” He leaves without another word.
“Dick,” I mutter.
I can’t settle down, though. Helen’s words from yesterday come back to haunt me. How she said I wasn’t prepared for what it really means to be one of the Thirteen. I thought she was full of shit at the time, but who the fuck cares about someone and lets politics get in the way of making sure they’re okay?
I know what I would have done in her position.
Even knowing there might be far-reaching complications, I can’t say I’d do anything differently if I had won the title of Ares. Patroclus is mine. Olympus can burn if it means making sure he’s okay.
Rationally, I see why Helen made the choice she did, but I don’t know if it matters. The risk is too high with so little guaranteed payoff. For the first time in my life, I can’t see a way forward. I don’t have my internal assurance that I’ll realize the future I want.
I…failed.
I’ll come to terms with that—I know myself well enough to understand that—but I can’t think of anything at all until I’m assured Patroclus made it through surgery and I see him with my own eyes. Everything else can wait until then.
The door opens again, and this time it’s Athena who appears. She looks as perfectly put together as she appeared on the screen in the arena, only a faint tightness around her eyes giving lie to the image. “Patroclus is out of surgery and in recovery.” She holds up a hand when I start forward. “They need time to get him settled, but as soon as it’s possible, you’ll get access to his room.”
Not soon enough, but I trust Athena. If she says he made it through surgery, then he did. I exhale in a rush. Relief makes me a little dizzy, but I can barely believe it for truth. I need to see him. I need him to anchor me in the middle of this storm. I can’t see a path, but surely Patroclus will be able to. “This is so fucked.”