“Just spill it,” Kieran finally said, and Bastien blinked at his brother in surprise.
“Spill what?”
“Something’s eating you. You’re normally not quiet like this. You should be critiquing the soldiers as they train or filling me in on some idea you have to attack Ferelith. You’re far too introspective, and since you’ve had quite the upheaval today, I’m advising you to get it off your chest.”
Bastien looked away from his brother, toward town. He could see the spire of Conclave Hall rising high above the other buildings, and he knew Thalia was in there now, doing whatever she needed to do to smooth things over with her advisors. He may not remember the actual love he’d felt for her, but he remembered every other detail since he’d first pulled her off the ground after Barney knocked her down.
Thalia would sacrifice her pride so that Bastien would not be demeaned in front of the Conclave. She always did what was best for others, and he supposed that might have been one of the reasons he had loved her.
Bringing his gaze back to his brother, he admitted, “It felt wrong to have Merrilyn now that Thalia is back.”
Kieran frowned. “How so?”
Bastien took a long swallow of his ale and set the tankard down. He grimaced, and not because the beer was bad. “Like I was being unfaithful.”
Kieran studied his brother thoughtfully. “Do you… feel something for her?”
Bastien shook his head. “I reach inside and there’s… nothing. She’s a stranger to me.”
It was the sacrifice Bastien made to ensure Thalia was well cared for and protected in the First Dimension. Part of the reason he’d been opposed to sending her away was not just because Thalia didn’t want it, but because he was unconvinced she could be adequately protected if not by his side.
The Conclave, however, found an ancient spell that, when coupled with an immense sacrifice, would give her everything she needed to survive in the First Dimension.
There would be enough power to create an entirely new life for her, one that made her happy and content. Enough protection would be secured within the obsidian ring to guarantee Ferelith could never find her, and no harm would ever befall her.
But to charge that spell with enough capacity to do all those things, and do it well, the sacrifice had to be special.
It had to be personal.
It was Laina Mercea who laid it all out for him. “If you give up your love for Thalia, and we funnel it into her, we will be able to create an impenetrable spell that will protect her to the end of days, if necessary.”
He really didn’t know what that meant and thus he asked.
“It means that every bit of love you have for her will be gone. You won’t feel anything for her. She’ll be no dearer to you than a passerby on the street who you might wave to in greeting but never think of again.”
“Will I forget her?” he’d asked.
“No,” Laina had said, shaking her head sadly. “You’ll never forget a single memory. They just won’t mean anything to you. Not in the way they should mean something to you.”
Bastien didn’t agree at first and mulled over the proposition for days. He warred with the need to keep Thalia safe and his own selfishness in not wanting to lose her or the way she made him feel.
In the end, he decided to do it because he wanted her safe more than he wanted to love her.
And when he enacted the spell, it coalesced every bit of love, passion, and devotion he held within his being, and he sent it straight into Thalia for her protection.
The minute it left his body—even before it hit hers—he became dead inside, and by the time she was pulled into the First Dimension, he had not one sorrow over what he’d lost.
Sighing, Kieran leaned forward, crossing his forearms on the table, jolting Bastien from his memories. “I had hoped that when she came back… something would spark between you two. That it would cause a change or—”
“There’s nothing there,” Bastien insisted in a low growl. “So why the fuck did I just break it off with Merrilyn? She was a good thing.”
“She was a convenient thing,” Kieran corrected. “Don’t make her out to be more than what she was simply because you’ve got some confused feelings.”
Bastien slammed his fist on the table, causing some nearby soldiers to jump and move a few feet away. Bastien ignored them but lowered his voice. “I don’t have feelings for her, so I’m not confused. I’d tell you if I did, but we both know I can’t.”
Kieran nodded with a mirthless smile. “Not for right now, at any rate.”
“What do you mean by that?” Bastien demanded.
Chuckling, Kieran kicked his brother’s leg under the table. “The love that was there is gone. Doesn’t mean it can’t be created again.”