“All over?” he asked thickly.
“Everywhere,” she confirmed, and he could only guess that her breasts were probably mottled with the same purple bruising.
Bastien didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t kill the man again. He couldn’t rage to Thalia about it, because it would scare her. He couldn’t go get drunk, because he needed to tend her wounds and feed her.
So he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He held it for the count of five and ordered his heart rate to slow.
To try to be at peace with the fact that she was safe.
When he opened them, he couldn’t stand how Thalia looked at him. With pity, because she knew he was swimming with emotions that had long been dead.
Bastien spun away. “Let me get the salve.”
He found some in his medicine chest and applied it silently to the scrape on her back. He then ordered her into clothes and went into the kitchen to ladle a bowl of stew. Thalia came out in a pair of long-sleeved pajamas, indicating she must be chilled from the trauma, despite the fairly warm evening. Her hair was dry, which told Bastien she’d used a spell on it.
He watched her as she ate. Made her drink a cup of honey wine.
When she was done, he followed her into the bedroom and ordered her to get some sleep.
She didn’t argue, climbing under the quilt and lying on her side facing him as he watched from the door.
“Thank you,” she said quietly, her head resting on the pillow with her hand curled underneath. “For saving me.”
“It’s my job,” he replied, but that’s not why he’d saved her.
“Would you do me a favor?” she asked, not waiting for him to say yes or no. “Would you hold me until I fall asleep?”
Bastien was backing up from those words before she even finished the question. He shook his head. “It’s not a good idea.”
“For whom?” she inquired quietly. “For you or for me?”
He was ashamed of the answer because it wouldn’t be good for him at all.
“Forget it,” she said and even attempted a friendly smile. “You did enough for me.”
Thalia turned over to her other side, her back now to him. She pulled the covers over her shoulder and curled into herself.
Bastien stood frozen, unable to leave even as his brain told him to do so. But that stupid fucking heart of his that hadn’t worked right for years begged him to stay.
Moving quietly to the edge of the bed, Bastien sat on it and swung his long legs onto the mattress. The dipping motion caused Thalia to look over her shoulder at him.
“Come here,” he said gruffly, lifting an arm and indicating she should move into his side.
She didn’t hesitate.
She rolled fast and snuggled right into him, her head going to his chest, her arm wrapping around his waist.
It was foreign to Bastien. He knew that she’d slept like this against him many nights before, but he couldn’t remember it feeling so good.
In fact, it felt way too fucking good right now, and he had no clue why. This simply shouldn’t be happening, and yet there was no denying that he was getting as much comfort from this as Thalia was.
But as good as it felt, it also seemed wrong. Like he was wrong for doing this. Like he didn’t deserve it, and she didn’t deserve false hope.
Bastien reasoned that he’d hold her until she fell asleep, and then he’d ease out of the bed. He would not return to the dorms, however. Knowing that she was so easily taken from within the protective cloak, he would not allow Thalia out of his sight again. He was a soldier, though, so he didn’t mind sleeping on the floor.
CHAPTER 18
Thalia
Waking up before the dawn breaks brings an immediate awareness that Bastien is in the bed. I’m on my side, and he’s spooning me, as if we were lovers.
I remember falling asleep curled into him, a boon he granted when I knew he didn’t want to. I wasn’t fool enough to pass it up because more than just wanting to make a connection with Bastien, I needed to feel safe. I came so very close to being hurt in a manner no woman should ever endure, and last night I didn’t want to be alone.
I’m grateful to Bastien for pushing past his discomfort to give me that.
Never imagining he’d stay all night, I hold absolutely still so I don’t wake him. I’m going to lie like this for as long as I can, soaking in every detail and memorizing every assault to my senses.
How many times have we slept like this in the past? With his big body pressed against me, and his arm holding tight to keep me safe, I know I took it for granted.