In Between

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

ALEX AND Ididn’t speak much as he drove me to their house. I stared out the window, watching the now-familiar landmarks pass us by and fidgeting with my purse straps, nervous about how Damien would react when I got there. From the way Alex had spoken, Damien had no clue I would be coming.

I hoped he didn’t hate me too much. I hated myself enough for hurting him like that. He got caught in the crossfire between Alex and me, and he didn’t deserve any of it.

My hands shook uncontrollably as we pulled into the driveway of the large house. Even with the pounding in my chest, I felt an odd sense of comfort being back here. It felt like coming home.

“I’ll stay in the living room,” Alex said as he unlocked the door. “I’m sure Damien is still up in his bedroom.”

The tightness in my chest grew more suffocating as I made my way up the stairs. I could hear the low noise of the TV playing in the background. I knocked softly.

“Damien? It’s me. Can we talk?”

There was no response for a moment, and I worried that he wouldn’t even give me the chance to talk to him. Finally, I heard the sound of the mattress shifting, then heavy, slow steps to the door. When he opened the door and I saw his face, I broke down again. There he was, tall and strong and beautiful, but the sadness was etched into his face. His under eyes were puffy and tinged purple like he hadn’t slept. His long hair was tangled and looked as if it hadn’t been brushed in days. And standing this close, I could smell the heavy scent of whiskey emanating from him.

“Serena—”

I cut him off before he could continue. “Damien, I’m so sorry. I’m such an asshole.” Tears streamed down my face, and the expression on Damien’s face shifted.

He wrapped his arms around me and took a deep, shuddering breath. “You’re here,” he whispered. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

I nodded, my cheek rubbing against his hard chest. We stood there for minutes, not speaking and not moving as we held each other. Finally, I managed to steady my breathing and stop most of my tears. “Let’s talk.”

Damien nodded, pulling away slowly, and held my hand as he led me to the bed. We sat on the edge, and I forced myself to look up at him. As happy as I was to see him again, I felt like absolute shit. I had hurt him. There was no excuse for what I had done, aside from my childish excuses that I had convinced myself to believe. It was time to be completely and brutally honest, with him and with myself.

I took a deep breath and began, the words tumbling out. “I’m so sorry for everything, and I don’t even know how to explain what was going through my head when I left. I was so stressed about moving and money and thinking Alex hated me that I thought it would be easier to just stop everything between us. I didn’t want to be the cause of a rift between you and Alex, because I know how important you are to each other, especially now. And I didn’t want to tell you about my financial problems because I didn’t want your pity or your money. I was so scared to get more attached to you than I already was, because I’m falling in love with you and I don’t know what the hell to do.” The last sentence came out in a rushed breath. I had just admitted to him what I had been avoiding admitting to myself for the past couple of months.

“Serena, look at me,” he said, softly lifting my chin. My gaze had fallen as I was speaking. I was so worried he wouldn’t want me back now. “You could, and should, have told me about what you were going through. I would have helped without a second thought.”

I nodded, feeling ashamed. “I know that now.”

“I won’t lie, when I got that text from you, it broke my heart. You’re the first woman I’ve met who I felt like I could genuinely be myself around. No masks, no secrets. I think I started falling for you the moment I saw you walk into that bar. I’m not saying that what you did was a good choice, but I understand why you did it. I’m just really glad I get to see you again.” Damien’s eyes shone with adoration over his lingering sadness

“Me too.” I squeezed his hand.

“Have you talked to Alex at all? He probably won’t admit it, but I think he’s missed you too.”

“Actually, I have. He came to my apartment and we had a nice conversation. He also is threatening to force me to live here for a month.”

Damien furrowed his brow. “Why? I mean, not that I’d complain, but what about your apartment?”

I gave him a embarrassed half-smile. “The lease expires this week. Leah moved out without warning me, and I don’t have enough money to pay for an extra month. We had originally planned on just extending the lease together when the time came. Obviously that didn’t work out too well.”

“So what were you going to do?”

“Uhh, live in my car for a month until I took my final exams.”

Damien’s eyes widened. “Fuck that. You’re staying here.”

“That’s what Alex said, too,” I laughed. “Are you sure I won’t be imposing too much?”

“Of course not. And I get to spend an extra month with you? That’s, like, the perfect situation.” He wrapped one arm around my shoulders and squeezed, giving me a goofy, tired grin. God, I had missed him. I kissed him softly, and he leaned in, deepening the kiss and pushing me down onto my back.

“As much as I’d love to stay here in this bed with you all day,” I said, regretfully breaking off the kiss after a minute or two, “we need to go talk to Alex. He’s waiting downstairs.”

AFTER CATCHING UPwith Alex and Damien, they decided that they would both drive me back to my apartment and help with cleanup and packing. I had tried to assure them that I didn’t need the help, but they insisted anyway.

Within two hours, the apartment was spotless, and everything I owned was packed into the two cars. I didn’t have much of an attachment to the apartment, but it still felt weird leaving, knowing this was the last time I would ever set foot in the place I had lived this year. I walked over to the apartment complex office and dropped off my key, and then we were on our way.

Damien and Alex drove back to the house together with me following in my own car. I didn’t turn on any music. I needed silence to think, to let my brain catch up with everything that had happened in the past 24 hours.

It seemed like things in my life were swinging wildly from one extreme to the next. Just in the last four months, everything had changed so much. I went from a boring but predictable routine of school, work, and sleep to casually spending every weekend with two men I had met at a bar. Then we had our fallout, and I couldn’t seem to return to the monotonous life that I had been perfectly fine with before. Alex and Damien had changed me, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. I now needed the excitement and emotional connections they had brought into my life. Or at least, I let myself want these things after years of not allowing myself to. So much had changed in such a short amount of time.

As I pulled into the driveway of the house, a feeling of comfort washed over me. I would be okay. At least for the next few weeks, I would be safe and have a roof over my head. And as much as I hated to let myself admit it, I was excited to spend so much more time with Alex and Damien, even if it was going to hurt like hell when I left for good.

But I wasn’t going to let myself think about that right now. I had four more weeks with Alex and Damien, and I was going to make the most of it.