“Our ending wasn’t what it should have been, but I loved her, Olivia. Loved her so much, I—” The small sob he makes cracks impossibly thick in the air. “Do you know what’s it like to watch everything you lived for get ripped away while you stand by helpless? Do you know how fucking degrading that feels?”
Instant remorse burrows into my stomach. He sounds like me.
He is me.
Guilt rains down on my shoulders. “Grant, I’m sorry. I was only speaking like that because…”
The heaviest weight I’ve ever experienced hits me so hard in the chest, I think my ribs are bruised from the inside out. I place my hand over my heart, and despite it racing, I can hardly feel its beats—the organ seems weak and frail right now.
“Because?” Grant asks softly.
I take a deep breath, steadying myself and then force myself to continue.
“Lonnie killed someone that I loved too. Stabbed them and left them there like a meaningless animal right before getting away with everything. So yes, I do understand what that’s like, Grant. I understand all of it. I know the hurt, I understand the pain, the questions, the not sleeping, eating, and wishing it’d been you and not them … I understand it all.”
A stream of angry tears fall freely down my face with each blink I take. Fuck Lonnie. No amount of time will be enough to dissolve the seeds of hate for him. My head lifts higher in shock when I hear Grant softly chuckle.
It’s just a huff, but I hear how it breaks up, rendering it to a laugh.
“Exactly, my sweet,” he muses low. “You don’t understand unless you’ve been there.”
“I wish I could forget all of that sometimes.”
“Same.” He touches his cufflink, staring down at the floor. “I try to forget what happened to April, but at certain moments, it’s hard. It’s hard knowing the last days of her life were torturous, agonizing, terrifying, and painful. Seth should be rotting for what he did.”
I clutch at the smooth fabric of my gown, blood roaring in my eardrums. “What did he do?”
He clears his throat, his eyes still fixated on the floor. “I have every belief that he kidnaps women and sells them as sex workers. No proof yet, but I do have my suspicions. From the little I know, they’re probably beaten, pumped full of drugs, barbarically raped and then strangled. That’s why I don’t want you around him, and that’s why I panicked when I saw you together.”
“Understandable.” The words are strained from a mixture of fear and sadness. If what Grant is saying is true, then I hope we never run into Seth again. Jesus, why do the worst people have to be in this world?
I’m asking myself that question when I notice the eerier silence that’s taken hold. It’s thick here in the cabin, smothering the oxygen in my lungs. Directing my sight to Grant, my body stiffens at how distant he looks, and for the first time since we’ve gotten together, I feel disconnected from what he’s thinking, feeling … wanting.
Seth is already coming between us, and Grant might be reconsidering our whole arrangement.
It springs up a flash of doubt and uncertainty in the dark corners of my heart. My breath breaks apart as I timidly watch the man across from me. What if the fundamentals of our relationship are too flawed for us to be together?
What if we’re already done?
“Grant?”
He darts his eyes to mine.
“Maybe we shouldn’t—”
“If you think we should end what we have because of what’s happened tonight, you need to erase that thought.”
“You don’t think we’re too damaged?”
“Ha.” He shoves his shoulders hard into the buttery leather behind him. “What are we as people if not damaged in some way, Olivia? Of course, we’re not unnicked, and that’s because we’re not memorabilia kept in shoe boxes under people’s beds. No one goes unmarked, and because of what we’ve gone through separately, we’re stronger together. You have to feel that. You do, don’t you?”
“I do.” Fragments of the strength he speaks of thrum under my skin. It’s there, not totally driving out the fear, but letting me know I can survive and be more.
Lonnie doesn’t have to win.
Lonnie.A lump forms in my throat. Right now, I need to use this new strength to be honest. Fully honest. “Grant, we are stronger, but you have to know something.”
One brow lifts at attention.
The truth catches up so fast, barreling around my stomach. A cold shake ripples through me, and I hug myself, bending over as a whimper slides out of my parted mouth. This is going to be hard.
“Olivia?”He’s on his knees in front of me, cupping my face in his hands before I can comprehend that he even left his seat, and some of my strength comes back at his closeness.
I swallow past the thick lump in my throat and force the confession out. “There’s every chance Lonnie is still looking for me. And me working under you makes me easier to find.” My mouth quivers. “Some days I feel like it’s only a matter of time. I think he’s going to kill—”
A fire burns in the deepest part of his eyes. Even through the black lashes, I can spot the flicker in them. They’re hot enough to burn, and their energy comes to life, boiling in my veins as he tightens his hold around my face and strokes my cheeks.
“Let him try and touch you,” he growls. “Let him see the consequences of hurting the woman I protect. That’s the day I’ll leave him the same way he left the person you loved—on the floor, like an animal. And that’s the day you’re going to be free.”
The words should be liberating. Instead, a whimper of sadness spills out of my lungs, and I close my eyes, nearly sobbing.
“Olivia?”
The call of my name forces all my burdens in front of me. Grant is the busiest and most ruthless man in Seattle. Instead of ruling his empire and dealing with the innumerable problems he faces on a daily basis, now he has my shit to carry too.
I didn’t want this. I’ve worked hard these past five years to protect everyone I know from this.
How I hate the life that was forced on me.
“I’m sorry,” I sniffle. “I’m sorry that after all you’ve been through that I need help being set free at all. Us being together shouldn’t be so complicated.”
“To which I say, let us be complicated. Anyone can do simple, Olivia. Fuck that. Only the hard things earned are worth keeping. Give me complicated. So long as you’re the person on the other side of it.”
The words burn with a ravenous heat, and then his lips crush mine with devastating urgency.
I don't fight—can't fight, as everything he is consumes me. My fingers clutch into the back of his hair, and I push myself onto him. We sink to the floor, both of us on our knees, lips fused, stolen peppermint cooling my heated mouth. Coal-black strands tangle in my grasp as I fist handfuls of it, needing him as close as he can be. One shoulder strap of my gown tugs down, and my head falls back as his skilled mouth finds my bare collarbone, working toward my exposed shoulder.
“We’re made to be twined, my sweet,” he whispers “I didn’t know that when I first looked at you. Then you were a beautiful face. But now? You broke me. I can’t even breathe right if you’re not in the same room.” He shakes against me. “We live in a world that crushes—fucking presses the life and will out of you if you allow it. But that’s not going to be us. You hear me? We’re going to stay together, and we’re to take what we need and not apologize for it. Okay?”
Take what we need.Things I’ve never been allowed to do, and I think he understands that. And because he does,I’ve never felt so connected to someone in my life. It’s in the way we share our pain right down to how greedy we are for one another. I nod in a silent answer, knowing he feels the vibrations of my heart as I do so.
Our mouths meet again—hungry, desperate, and a tad rough.
We’re insatiable, grunting and groaning against each other’s lips. A mewl leaves me as he bundles me off the floor and lifts me up. My back collides on the seat on the long end of the limo. Skin flares, heating my cheeks, blooming through my body as he removes his coat and presses the button to talk to Harold.
“Keep driving until I tell you to head home.”
He tugs at the hem of my mermaid gown, frantic to pull it up as my heart races. Satin fabric pops as he wills it past my thighs, and I stop him. “Grant, my dress will rip.”
“Screw the dress. I’ll buy you a replacement.” A broad, huffing chest manages a deep breath while he lies over me. “Olivia, I need you. Now.”
My eyes go wide as I press a hand to his shoulder. “Here? With us like this? Wi-with Harold—”
“Absolutely, yes.” One hand clasps around my clothed hip, while the other stokes hair away from my face. “What better time than now? And as for everything else we’ve talked about…?” He brushes his thumb over my cheek. “I’m going to teach you everything I know. Control, power, living unafraid—I’m going to give all of that to you, because you fucking deserve it.” His eyes soften marginally. “Do you want that?”