“That was a real shock, Elaine, finding out about her that way.” I sobbed.
Elaine put her arm around me. “I know it must have been…I am so sorry.” After a pause, she continued, “I asked him something that night though and I think you should know about it.”
I turned to her suddenly. “What?”
“Well, I could hear how tormented he was. I asked him if he was in love with you. He didn’t even hesitate, Allison. He told me he was.”
I let out a deep sigh. That was hard to hear. Even in his letter, he never used the word love. He had never said those words to me at all.
“Can I ask you something, Elaine?”
“Sure, honey.”
“How have you been able to forgive Cedric so easily? I mean, he thinks he’s to blame for the accident, but how do you feel?”
“Oh, honey. He wasn’t to blame for her losing control of the car. He was a kid who made a bad choice, like so many others. Cedric stayed by her side every second in that hospital. He would have given his own life to save hers and told me so many times. I do believe she was his best friend, but they were kids. Amanda was eighteen and Cedric was only twenty-two…he was older, yes, but still so young and immature. Deep down, I cannot be sure they would have lasted had the accident never happened. Neither one had lived their lives yet. Even if she had survived and had the baby, I still think it would have been too much for them to sustain their relationship at that age.
“How did you feel when you found out she had been pregnant?”
“We were shocked, of course. But we found out after she had lost the baby and while she was fighting for her life, so the issue wasn’t dealt with in the same way it might have been had she and the baby been healthy. I knew my daughter was on the pill, because we talked about that so I don’t know what happened…I guess nothing is 100-percent.”
“Thank you for answering my questions, Elaine. I know it must be hard to relive everything.”
“It’s okay, Allison. You know, when Cedric told me how he felt about you, I have to be honest. I didn’t understand how he could fall in love with someone so quickly. But now that I have met you, I think I understand exactly how that could happen.”
***
My trip to Illinois was only supposed to be a few days.
We spent most of the time at the house, making meals, playing cards and getting to know each other. Elaine cooked Amanda’s favorite Beef Stroganoff for me and showed me how to make it. They also showed me some of Amanda’s childhood videos and we all cried for different reasons: Ed and Elaine for what they lost, myself for what I never knew.
Overall, it felt as though I was visiting a long lost aunt and uncle. We got along well and they made me feel like part of a family, especially, Ed whose calm and welcoming demeanor got me to open up about everything that had been bothering me these past couple of years.
I poured my heart out to him about Nate, dropping out of grad school, losing my mother, finding my purpose and about falling hard for Cedric. He gave me some good advice and urged me to take one day at a time and that everything would work out. He told me to only worry about the day at hand. And today, there was no place I felt more wanted or needed than this brick home in Naperville.
The day before I was supposed to leave, Elaine had to work and someone had come to the house to stay with Ed. Elaine had told me that Ed had to quit his well-paying job as a technology consultant when he began receiving cancer treatments. Elaine, who never had to work during their marriage before, now had to return to the workforce to help pay for medical expenses, so she worked as a teachers aide at a local school. Part of that salary also paid for a visiting nurse type person to help take care of Ed while Elaine worked. This person would also help make meals and take Ed to appointments.
Elaine had mentioned that since I had been around, Ed seemed happier than he has been in a long time and he seemed to be stronger.
As I sat drinking my coffee, while a woman named Alicia tended to Ed, I had a light bulb moment. Why couldn’t I stay a little longer? I wasn’t exactly eager to get back to Boston and if Ed was in good spirits with me here, maybe I could help take care of him for Elaine and save them from having to hire help?
That night at dinner, before I had a chance to propose the idea to Elaine, Ed must have been reading my mind.
“Allison…I really wish you didn’t have to go so soon. I feel like we were just getting to know each other.”
“Well, it’s funny you say that. I was thinking of something and wanted to run it by you both.”
“Oh?” Elaine said.
“Well, I was thinking…maybe I could stay for a while. Not just to hang around…but maybe I could be the one taking care of Ed while you got to work? We could play cards and I could keep him company during his chemo…what do you think?”
“My goodness, Allison, that’s quite a sweet proposition, but don’t you have a life to get back to…what about your two jobs?
“The diner won’t miss me and I can take a leave of absence from my other job. Sure, my clients need me, but I think right now, Ed honestly needs me more. Besides, I owe it to my sister. She would help if she could be here.”
Elaine smiled but looked hesitant to accept my offer, until Ed spoke up.
Ed turned to us, clearing his throat. “Elaine, if I might give my two cents on what Allison is proposing?”