“You love her,” Ethan said as it dawned on him.
Rafe gave Ethan a sideways glance before his lips curled into a smile. “Yeah, I think I do.”
Ethan threw an arm around his big brother and hugged him. “I’m happy for you. Really.”
“Wow, you making up for not talking to me all your life?”
“I’m sorry.” And he meant it. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I couldn’t.”
“I know.” Rafe stared off at nothing in particular. “I read up on it, you know. On your selective mutism and social anxiety. I wanted to understand. And I did. I couldn’t get past the fact that you could talk to Seb and not me.”
“I don’t get to choose,” Ethan murmured quietly. “I either can or can’t. I wish I could talk to Mom. I know how much it would mean to her. To Dad. I’ve tried so many times. But I can’t. I open my mouth and my throat closes up. I start to panic. Then I think about how disappointed she must feel, and it makes things worse. I passed out once.” He’d tried so hard. His mom had so many worries, so much going on with their dad. Even at a young age he knew how happy it would make her if he talked to her, but no matter how much he pushed himself, he couldn’t. He’d tried so hard one day he’d blacked out.
“I remember,” Rafe said gently. “I was the one who found you.”
Ethan stared at him. “But I was in Seb’s room when I woke up.”
“I put you there. Figured you’d feel better if Seb was there when you woke up.”
Ethan couldn’t help feeling guilty. How many times had his brother placed Ethan’s needs before his own and simply kept it to himself? “Seb told me I didn’t have to talk. If one day I did it would be great, but not to force myself. Things got a little better after that.”
“See, I would have fucked it all up.” Rafe frowned down at his fingers. “Speaking of fucking up, I’m sorry about Thanksgiving. I had a bad episode that morning and said ‘fuck you’ to the world. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt or
Cal. Not that I’m excusing what I did, but I had no idea what was going on with your meds. I hope that motherfucker rots in hell for what he did. Anyway, yeah, I was a shitty brother, and there’s no excuse for what I said to you that day. I’m really sorry.”
“I forgive you.”
Rafe’s brows drew together, and his eyes grew glassy. He pressed his lips together and nodded, his hands clasped tightly between his knees.
“What are you going to do now?” Ethan asked softly.
Rafe shrugged. “There’s nothing I can do. There’s no cure for it. Maybe one day. All I can do is prepare myself for the day my legs stop working.”
“When that day comes, I’ll be there to help you in every way I can,” Ethan promised.
“Me too.”
They looked up to find Seb standing to one side looking uncertain. Rafe stood, and they faced each other, neither one seeming to know what to do. Seb shoved his hands into his pockets.
“I’m not here out of pity. I wanted to say I’m sorry. I accused you of being an asshole, and I was no better, always expecting you to be the one to make all the effort.”
Rafe stepped up to Seb, and Ethan braced himself. He hoped they wouldn’t get into a fight here of all places. To Ethan’s surprise and relief, Rafe pulled Seb into a hug. The two wrapped their arms around each other, and Ethan smiled. He couldn’t remember the last time his brothers had hugged. They stood like that for a long time, and Ethan met Seb’s gaze. He gave him a nod and smiled.
“We’ll get through this together,” Seb promised. “No more pushing us away, okay? We’re your brothers, and we love you. Let us help you.”
Rafe nodded. “Okay.” He cleared his throat and motioned to the corridor they’d come from. “When Hudson wakes up and he’s better, I’ll apologize. I doubt he’ll forgive me, but I need to at least try. I know how much he means to you.”
“Thank you.”
The three of them made their way back to Hudson’s room, and everyone got up when they entered. Calvin looked relieved when he saw them. Most likely because they’d returned without bruises.
“I don’t want anyone treating me different,” Rafe grumbled as he walked in.
Nina ran over to him and hugged him.
Sloane shook his head. “We don’t treat Hobbs any different. Why would we treat you differently?”
“Sorry I punched you,” Dex added. “But you did deserve it.”