Rack & Ruin (THIRDS 3)

The first blow hit his shoulder, and Dex let out a sharp cry at the pain. He put his gloves together doing his damnedest to protect his face from Ash’s assault. A blow landed against his abs, and the wind rushed out of Dex. He took a chance at leaving himself open to thrust his glove up, catching Ash in the chin and succeeding in pissing the guy off even more. An uppercut clipped Dex’s jaw, and his head snapped back. He could taste the blood in his mouth and started wheezing. The weight lifted, and Dex rolled onto his side, spitting out his mouth guard and drawing in large gulps of air. His lungs burned, and his body was on fire. But none of it hurt more than his heart. He stayed on his side, his forehead pressed against the mat as he tried to catch his breath.

“It’s okay, Letty. I got this.” Ash’s tone was almost gentle, and Dex looked up in time to see Letty snap herself out of it. With a nod, she headed off. Dex realized the room was empty except for him and Ash. A hand appeared before Dex’s face and he glared at Ash.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Ash asked, insisting Dex take his hand.

“Act like a decent person. Like you give a fuck.” Reluctantly Dex accepted Ash’s help and sat up, his arms resting on his knees and what was most certainly the most pathetic expression ever on his face.

“I do give a fuck. He’ll come back.”

Dex shook his head, his lips pressed together to keep himself from sounding like the drama queen Ash was always accusing him of being. Why was he even sitting here talking to a guy who might possibly have betrayed them all? As much as he was fine with ticking yet another box on his list of reasons to dislike Ash, something in Dex’s gut fought the idea

of Ash as a traitor, simply based on the guy’s relationship with Sloane. Man, he was such a goddamn mess. “How fucked up is this? I’m pissed, and you’re comforting. If that isn’t a sign the apocalypse is coming, I don’t know what is.”

“He will come back.” Ash sat beside him, mirroring his pose. Dex wasn’t sure what he found more disturbing, Ash being… not a dick or him taking comfort in Ash’s words. In the end he gave in and went with it. He was too tired not to.

“I know. That’s not the problem.”

“It’s the running. I hate to tell you, but… he always runs.”

“Unless it’s a fight. He’ll run headfirst into that. But if it’s me?” Dex threw a hand toward the open bay doors. Something occurred to him, and he swallowed his pride. If he had to look to Ash for answers, so be it. “Did he run from Gabe?”

Ash shook his head. “No.”

“So it is me. What do you know, I can feel shittier.”

“Think about it for a moment, Dex.”

“He loved Gabe, but he never ran.” Dex racked his brain for a reason. Why hadn’t Sloane run from Gabe? He’d loved him. Why did the thought of Dex loving Sloane have the guy taking off? Ash answered for him.

“It didn’t scare him.”

Dex thought about his relationship with Sloane. He knew he’d been the one to push things forward, but it wasn’t as though he’d forced Sloane into a commitment he didn’t want or wasn’t ready for. Dex had wanted more and took the plunge in telling Sloane as much. If Sloane hadn’t been ready, he wouldn’t have taken that step, and Dex would have found a way to work around it. “What does that mean?”

Ash shrugged. “Gabe was the first one Sloane had let in, and yeah, he loved Gabe, but he could do it while still holding some of himself back. The facility, his past, his nightmares? Gabe never knew about that shit. Sloane told you what happened to his mom.”

Dex flinched, his heart squeezing at the memory. “He told you?”

“That he’d spilled everything to you? Yeah. The only ones who knew were me and Shultzon. He’s not scared of opening up to you, Dex. He’s scared of what you might find if he does. We didn’t exactly grow up around functioning relationships. Hell, our friendship was a result of fear and loneliness.”

“But we’ve talked about his past. Whatever happened doesn’t change the way I feel about him.”

“Doesn’t change the way he feels about himself either.” Ash let out a heavy sigh, and Dex had a feeling the guy wasn’t referring to just Sloane. “I’m sure the fact you love him despite all his baggage means a hell of a lot to him, but that shit doesn’t get left behind. Some of it—his mom’s death….” Ash pursed his lips and shook his head. “He might be able to think back on it one day and not feel guilty, but he’ll never forget. What happened to us back in that facility might get more bearable with time, but it fucked us up. It made us what we are. The way we are. Damaged.”

Dex turned to Ash and met his gaze. “You’re not damaged. You’ve had it rough and were dealt a really shitty hand, but you pushed through it. You took all that anger and pain and you used it for something good. To make a difference.” There was no response from Ash who simply averted his gaze, his eyes on his fingers. “So now what? I keep bracing myself, waiting for the next time he walks out on me?”

“Don’t give up on him, Dex.”

“Funny. He said something similar about you.”

Ash studied him for a moment, before his eyes clouded over. “You told him. I figured you would.”

“I wasn’t trying to be a dick.” And that was the truth. Even if at first he’d acted like a jerk about it. He hadn’t been intent on turning Ash in simply because it was Ash. Sure, they weren’t exactly friends, but it was because of Cael, Sloane, and the rest of the team that Dex had been so angry. “I couldn’t keep something like that from Sloane. I’m not about to start keeping secrets.” Except the part about you loving him. You kept that one, and look how well that went.

“So why haven’t you told Sparks?”

“Because it would crush Sloane. I told him I would give you the benefit of the doubt. For him.”