“What do you mean?”
Hudson pushed his trendy glasses up his nose and sighed. “I… very cruelly informed him I would return to England if he didn’t accept things were over between us. Being apart is painful enough. Being an ocean apart would be unbearable.”
“Wouldn’t he j
ust follow you?” Dex had no doubt Seb would follow Hudson wherever he went just to be close to him.
“No. As much as Seb loves me, he would never abandon Ethan or his family. I knew that. I knew he could never leave his little brother behind, and I used that against him.”
Tears pooled in Hudson’s eyes, and Dex put his mug on the coffee table to pull Hudson into his embrace.
Hudson let his head rest on Dex’s shoulder. “I’m deplorable.”
“Hey, no you’re not. You did what you felt you had to.”
“The worst part is, he should hate me, and he bloody doesn’t. I took a piece of him with me, tore out his heart, threatened him, and he still loves me as if I’d never left.”
“It’s hard to hate someone you know loves you.”
“He couldn’t possibly know,” Hudson sniffed.
“Dude, you took like three bullets for him. I’m pretty sure he knows.”
Hudson pulled away with a laugh, thanking Dex when he handed Hudson a tissue from inside the drawer on the end table.
“Would you really do it? Would you leave?”
Hudson released a heart-wrenching sigh and shook his head. “I’ve tried. But I can’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m his in every way, Dex. My bond to him has been sealed and is unbreakable. As I said, my body is in physical pain from his absence. I can move to another state, but the farther I go from him, the more painful it will become. If I moved to England without him, my body would never last. It would eat away at itself.”
Dex gaped at him. “Jesus Christ. Are you telling me you’d actually die from the separation?”
Hudson nodded somberly. “My feral half would rather kill us than live without its mate.”
Fuck a duck. “So… does that mean you can’t even go on vacation outside the US?”
“Holiday isn’t permanent. Believe me, your body knows the difference. After a while, homesickness would turn into something else.” Hudson covered Dex’s hand with his own and squeezed it, his blue eyes meeting Dex’s. “That’s what this is, Dex. By bearing his mark, you’ve given yourself completely to him. I don’t mean to scare you. For you, there’s so much wonder and beauty ahead. It’s extraordinary. It’ll make your heart soar, your soul shine, and your body tremble with anticipation of his touch.”
Hudson smiled, his face glowing with so much love it took Dex’s breath away.
“You’ll memorize every curve, every freckle, every scar and blemish. The slightest hitch in his breath will be as if he’d spoken a thousand words. You’ll need him like never before, need to see him, touch him, and feel him. If he gets hurt, you’ll know, and it’ll feel as though your heart is tearing itself apart. You’ll need to control your emotions, your impulses.”
“I can control myself.” Most of the time. If he wanted to.
Hudson shook his head. “You’ve yet to be tested or you would know. You’ll be hyperaware of anyone who lays a finger on him, no matter their intent. The jealousy is very unflattering and must be contained.”
“Pfft. I don’t get jealous.”
Hudson wasn’t buying it for a second.
“Okay, maybe a little.”
“All marked mates share certain experiences. The initial nausea, vomiting, that feeling something is wrong when our mate is hurt or in pain. Some experiences are unique to each marked mate. You may experience something I never would and vice versa.”
“And the dying part?”