“You haven’t,” Ash assured him. “It’s not me he’s pissed at. I gotta say, bro, you managed to piss off both brothers. That takes skill.”
“Why can’t they understand? Everything we went through? What if it could have been avoided? What if she could have done something?”
Ash frowned at him and shook his head. “Are you really going to risk everything you have, everything you’ve worked so hard for, for something that could have been?”
“The facility—”
“Is where I met you.”
Sloane swallowed hard. He hadn’t thought about that. “Yeah, it is.”
“It’s where we became brothers. Where we decided to become THIRDS agents so shit like that wouldn’t happen to anyone else. So assholes like Shultzon would pay for their crimes.” Ash sat forward, his hands clasped between his knees and his intense amber eyes moving from the floor to Sloane. “What happened was fucked, and yeah, I wish it had never happened, but that got me on this path. It brought me to you, Cael, our family. I wouldn’t change that for anything.”
“What about my parents? My mom? You know what I did.”
“I’ll tell you the same thing you told me about Arlo. You were just a kid. It wasn’t your fault. After a lifetime of carrying that guilt, I finally let it go, because you were right. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t fucked-up. Doesn’t mean I don’t miss him every day or wish he was here, but I know now that I can’t change what happened, and what happened wasn’t my fault. Just like what happened with your mom wasn’t your fault. You were a terrified little kid. Who the hell knows what would have happened if Gina Daley had said something. Maybe it would have saved your mom. Maybe the universe would have found some other way to fuck us both over. My point is, are you going to make Dex pay for the fucked-up shit that happened in your past?”
“I’m not trying to make him pay for anything, Ash. I just don’t know how to move past this mess with his mom.”
“Everything that’s happened has brought you two together. I might not believe in any of that fate shit, but you two are good together. Without you he’s like a fucking excitable puppy, pissing all over the carpet because he can’t help it, and without him, your head takes you to dark places, and you wallow there, letting it consume you. How many times did I have to drag you out of your shadows, kicking and screaming?”
Sloane swallowed hard. “Too many,” he admitted quietly.
“With Dex, you’re like the guy you were always meant to be before any of that fucked-up shit happened to us. This here, you how you are now, without the fucking running, is who you were meant to be, Sloane, and a lot of that is down to Dex.”
Sloane didn’t know what to say. What could he say? Ash was right. Sloane remembered what his days had been like after Gabe died. He’
d been spiraling deeper into his anguish, letting it consume him.
“You said that this with Dex was it. A future together, a family. Is that really what you want?”
Sloane didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
“You love him?”
“You know I do.”
“Is that enough?” Ash held his gaze. “How much does he mean to you? What are you willing to give, Sloane?”
Sloane took a moment to think about what Ash was saying. It wasn’t enough for him to love Dex. It wouldn’t sustain them, wouldn’t get them through the tough times, not if Sloane kept reverting to his old ways. He’d believed everything would right itself after he confessed his love to Dex, but now was when the real work started, when their love would be tested. When he would be tested. Dex would never falter. Sloane knew that much. After everything they’d been through, Dex remained true to his heart and his love for Sloane. He fearlessly charged ahead, confident in them. He had faith in them. In Sloane.
“He told me one of these days, he might not be there when I get back.”
Ash pursed his lips in thought. “Well, then I guess you better stop fucking up.”
“Really? That’s your answer? Thanks, pal. I appreciate the support.”
“What do you want me to say? He’s right, man. How many times do you think he’s just gonna stand there and let you crush him? If I’d been Daley, I would have sent your ass packing months ago.”
Sloane stared at him. Not what he’d expected, but okay.
“Don’t look at me like that. You fucking marked him, Sloane. You offered him a link to your fucking soul. It wasn’t just your word or a promise that you’d be there for him. You fucking offered him everything you are, and what did he give you? His life, man. Daley’s marked for life. He’s told you that you’re all he wants for the rest of his life, and you pissed on it. You were there at the bar that night, right? Both nights? Every time he walks out the door, he knows what he’s risking, and he’s doing it for you.”
“I—”
“I love you. You’re like a brother to me, but sometimes I just wanna kick your ass.” Ash got to his feet and headed for the stairs that led to his bedroom. “I’ll grab you some pillows and blankets. Think about what you stand to lose for something that was out of his control. We’ve wasted enough time living in the past. Don’t waste any more.”
Sloane sat forward, elbows on his knees as he dropped his head onto his hands. Ash was right. Of course he was right. Everyone was right except Sloane. Had he really needed time to think about things, or was that just another one of his pathetic excuses so he wouldn’t have to face his insecurities again? Every time he thought he’d conquered his fears, he was made painfully aware of how laughably wrong he was. Sloane’s insides twisted when he thought of Dex, of his beautiful smile, of the love he had in his heart for Sloane.