Against The Grain (THIRDS 5)

“Yeah, I got pissed and wanted to punch something. You snapped Collins’s neck!”

“Collins knew what he was doing. He pulled a gun on an agent with the intent of killing him while surrounded by armed agents. Neither he nor Hogan had any intention of being taken in alive.”

Letty folded her arms over her chest. She knew he was right. He could see it in her eyes. Of all his Human teammates, Letty had the most explosive temper. She was sweet and kind, but when something pissed her off, she was a blazing inferno that felt no remorse for the fuckwit who’d earned her wrath. Ash had always admired her and her mettle. She was living proof that big things came in small, explosive packages. Right now her anger stemmed from Ash doing something that could potentially end his career.

“It doesn’t change what you did.”

Arguing with Letty would get them nowhere. He’d learned that a long time ago. So he approached from a different angle. “Let me ask you something. Have you ever loved someone so much you would die for them? Without hesitation or a second thought?”

“I—” She sighed and deflated. It didn’t last long. “And what about the next time Cael’s life is threatened? You can’t just go around snapping perps’ necks, Ash.”

Like he wasn’t aware. Ash ran a hand over his hair and motioned to the couch. They took their beers and sat down. Letty sat facing him, pulled her feet up, and leaned against the backrest, waiting for his reply.

“I don’t know. I haven’t given much thought to what happened. I kind of have a lot on my plate right now. Maddock’s worried I’ll hurt Cael.”

Letty scoffed. “I love the sarge, but he’s not always right, despite believing otherwise.”

Ash smiled. “Listen to you, defending my honor and shit.”

“Fuck off. Seriously. The way you treat Cael? Shit. I wish a guy would put me on a pedestal the way you do with him. You’ve taken a bullet for him.”

“Yeah, and I’ve broken his heart time and time again. I’ve been too much of a coward to step up, to be what he needs me to be.”

“Ash Keeler is not a coward. I should know. You’ve had my back for years. A lot of the other guys in Defense would have given me shit for being a woman. Not you. From the beginning, you supported me. You never tried to prove yourself better than me or more skilled. You stood up to anyone who had shit to say about me.”

Ash frowned. “That’s because you’re fucking scary.”

“Shut up.” Letty laughed, then sobered up. “Ash, you’ve had a string of one-night stands and casual hookups. This is the first time you’ve been in love. Why are you holding back? Why is Cael being a guy such a problem?”

“I don’t want it to be a problem, Letty. You think I don’t want to throw myself into this? Into being with him and say fuck everyone? When I’m with him, all I want to do is touch him. When I’m not with him, all I do is think about him. I fucking dream of him. I want him so bad it’s killing me, but whenever I’m faced with him, my brain panics and pulls away. It’s a vicious cycle.” He sighed and put his beer down on the coaster on his coffee table.

“So what are you going to do?”

“Find a way to sort my shit out. See a therapist, I don’t know. But I have to do something. We can’t keep going like this. He deserves better.”

“So do you,” she said gently.

“You really think that, don’t you?”

“You bet that grumpy ass I do.”

“Thanks.”

Not one to get too mushy, she swiftly moved on to something else. “I gotta go. I’m meeting Rosa and Lou for Christmas shopping at the mall. Want to come?”

Ash arched an eyebrow at her. “I hope you’re kidding.”

Letty jumped off the couch with a very indelicate snort. “Duh, but it was worth it to see the look on your face.”

“Sadist.”

She let out an evil cackle on the way to the kitchen, where she dropped her empty beer bottle into the recycling bin before heading for the front door. She tugged her boots on and threw him a kiss. “Be good. Love you.”

“Get lost,” he grumbled, holding back a smile. “And make sure Rosa doesn’t get me any more fucking candles. There ain’t enough candles in the world to make me get in touch with my gentler side, so she can fuck off.”

“You know she does it to piss you off. What do you do with them?”

Ash shrugged. “I usually give them to Cael. He likes that sort of thing.”