“Go on, Ash,” Cael replied through his teeth. “Tell her all about your girlfriend.” He threw back what was left of his vodka and lemonade before putting his glass down. “Excuse me.” He walked off, ignoring Ash calling him back.
He should have known. A part of him had expected it, yet having it happen had been more painful than he could have imagined. He hadn’t expected Ash to introduce him as his boyfriend, but to let Hanna assume he was in a relationship with a woman? Screw this. And screw Ash Keeler.
Cael pushed his way through the crowd until he reached the bar. Bradley’s smile faded when he saw him. “Everything okay?”
“I need something that’ll get me shit-faced.”
Bradley looked uncertain, and there was a good chance he might tell Dex, but Cael didn’t care. Why was everyone always babying him? “Is that okay with you?” he growled.
“Yeah, sorry. I’ll get you that drink.”
Seconds later, Bradley returned with one of his foggy “Specials,” the kind he was always putting together for Sloane. Cael was on his second when Ash made an appearance.
“Cael, please. I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” If that’s what Ash wanted to hear, that’s what he would say.
Bradley placed another “Special” in front of him, and Cael picked it up, only to have Ash take hold of the glass, his hand over Cael’s. The pain in his heart intensified.
“It’s fine,” Cael managed to get out. “Do you mind?”
Ash rubbed his thumb over Cael’s hand. “I know I hurt you.”
Fuck no. He did not get to do that. Not this time. Cael met Ash’s gaze. “Yes, you did, Ash. And it’s starting to become a really bad habit of yours.”
Ash flinched. “What else was I supposed to say?”
A humorless laugh escaped Cael despite the tear that rolled down his cheek. “You’re right. What else could you possibly have said? After all, it’s not like you have someone who’s so crazy in love with you that they’d endure one cruel stab to the heart after another, all in the hopes that one day you might feel the same. That you might think they’re important enough to really fucking try to push through the fear and the pain. I love you.”
Ash had opened his mouth to reply when some guy got within earshot. The discomfort in Ash’s expression, the way he withdrew, had Cael resigning himself to the fact Ash might never be comfortable in his own skin, much less an out relationship with Cael.
“Don’t worry, Ash. We both know I’ll keep waiting like a lovesick idiot.” He moved Ash’s hand off his and swallowed down the contents of his glass in two gulps, feeling it burning down his throat. Leaving the glass at the bar, he turned and headed for the dance floor. The countdown would be starting soon. Maybe he should call a cab and get the hell out of here. Tonight had started out amazing, and now it couldn’t get any worse. He should have known. He didn’t know what felt worse, not being with Ash or living off the tiny morsels of affection Ash fed him when he was feeling bold. How long could he carry on like this?
Forget midnight. He was going home. The last thing he felt like doing now was celebrating. He had turned for the coatroom when he ran into something hard. “Sorry. Excuse me.”
“Well, look who it is.”
It wasn’t possible.
The deep, familiar voice paralyzed Cael, leaving him numb and cold. Please, don’t do this to me. He forced himself to look up, the name slipping past his lips barely a whisper. “Fuller
.”
“Surprised to see me?” Fuller’s hard amber gaze had the same effect on Cael it always had. It pinned him to the spot, filled him with dread. Fuller didn’t look all that different from the last time Cael had seen him. He was still rugged, though his face was more haggard, and he looked meaner, if that was possible. His dark hair was shaved close to his head, and he was dressed casually. It had been a long time since Cael had been plagued by nightmares of Fuller showing up.
“What are you doing here?” Cael asked, taking a step away from him.
Fuller pouted. “Aw, don’t be like that, kitty cat.”
“Don’t call me that.” He hated that pet name, especially since Fuller had used it derisively, laughing at him, telling him he was nothing but an oversized kitten with spots that should be playing with yarn rather than trying to be part of an organization he had no business being in. “I thought you moved to Nevada?”
“I did. And now I’m back.”
“In New York?” Cael prayed it wasn’t true.
“Obviously. I’m right here in front of you, silly. Come on, Cael. Use that little brain God gave you.”
Cael glared at him. “What do you want?”