I'm Not in Love

The kids return their attention to their mugs of hot cocoa, and we fall into an awkward silence.

“How about if Tara and I take the kids outside to run around a little bit before dessert?” Dacia asks, probably to let Remi and me have a few minutes alone with his grandparents.

“Yeah! We brought our soccer ball—let’s practice ball tricks!” Jared is already on his feet.

Tara and Dacia herd the kids from the room.

“Dinner was super great!” Tommy yells on his way out the door.

“Paulette, you are excused—for the moment,” Grandmother tells the servant, who promptly makes her exit.

When it’s just the four of us, the mood in the room grows bleak.

“So, young Julian, am I to understand that this gentleman—the nude model who wants to be a schoolteacher—is your partner?” Mrs. R asks, staring at her grandson.

“Like I said before, we’re dating.”

“I see,” she replies.

I wishI did. It feels like we’re boyfriends, yet he sticks to “we’re only dating” fiction.

“You know, we had far different expectations for who you’d choose to be with.”

“Speak for yourself, dear. I find Tristan delightful.” Mr. R. sends me a wink.

Mrs. R glares at her husband. “We are quite pleased with Tara’s work at the Remington Corporation. She is a bright and efficient employee. I see her going very far with the company.”

I can’t help but smile because the woman is right on the money about my sister.

“Among many other things, Tristan paid to educate his sister,” Remi informs them.

“That was extremely generous, Tristan. You are certainly willing to sacrifice for those you care about,” Mr. R. says. “I hope you’re gratified that Tara’s education is being put to good use.”

“I am, sir.”

“I suppose we’ll have to wait and see what becomes of you as a couple—or, as young Julian says, two men who are dating.”

This is when I finally admit the truth. Remi’s insistence that we’re merely dating stings. We’re boyfriends, partners, lovers. Soon, I’ll need confirmation of this.

“However, in my experience,” she continues, “people from such vastly different economic circumstances do not often flourish together.”

“Money isn’t the only important factor in a relationship, Grandmother.”

“No, but financial background often reflects social class, which is a critical factor. The manner in which one is raised affects fundamental beliefs, as well as life expectations.”

She has a point, though what I see as the biggest difference between Remi and me is not our view of money or status. It’s our level of devotion to family.

“I suppose, as you said, we’ll have to wait and see,” I agree.

* * *

Remi

“Your grandmother—she’s a tough one,”Tristan says as we pull on our jackets to join Tara, Dacia, and the kids in the huge yard beside the mansion.

“I probably should have warned you.” The air is cold but not frigid—perfect for running around outside with the kids.

“Your grandfather is kinda sweet,” he adds.

“Yes, he is. But he backs down to Grandmother—and always has.” He never defended me when it meant opposing her.

“After your parents passed away, your grandparents raised you?” He grimaces as he asks the question. It is rather painful to imagine a heartbroken child being raised by a pair with so little compassion.

“I lost everything when Mom and Dad died.” A trip from heaven to hell in one short day. “Once my grandparents became my legal guardians, I spent most of my time away at boarding schools and summer camps.”

“I think I understand part of your pain.” Tristan takes my hand. “Our mother was what we called flighty. She was here and then gone, you know? Mom wasn’t mean spirited or coldhearted, but she wasn’t dependable. I’m not gonna lie and tell you it didn’t mess up my head when I was a kid, because it did. Constant broken promises and unmet expectations. So, Tara and I committed to our twin bond. We’ve never let each other down.”

“I wonder whether it would have been different if I had a sibling. Maybe we would’ve looked out for each other.” And maybe I wouldn’t have ended up as a sworn loner, unwilling to give my heart, even when I so desperately want to.

“You’re a caring person, and you belong in a functioning family. Look at how quickly you’ve become a part of our family.”

“The kids and Tara and you… You’re all great. It was easy.”

“But, Remi, I’ve got to mention something that’s been bothering me.” Tristan stops walking, yanks his hand from mine, and his stare seems to go through me. Chills race up my spine—their source is raw fear. “Every time you say we’re ‘dating,’ it leaves me feeling kinda hollow.”

It takes me a second to catch my breath. “Dating is what we agreed upon.”

“It feels like so long ago when we decided that.” He shakes his head and glances into the distance to watch the kids play. “So much has changed.” Tristan wants something from me—most likely, an assurance of my commitment to our relationship.

The chills spread until they cover every inch of my skin. And I can’t control my shivering. “I guess we’re gonna need to t-talk.”

“Not here… not now.” When his gaze returns to mine, it’s soft, not piercing. “But soon, okay?”