Until Arden

Chapter 11

Arden

Irubmytemples.What am I doing? I can’t let myself think like this. I have to get Holden and drive away. I can’t think about any of this right now. I have to... I have to...

So many thoughts race through my mind, I begin to feel dizzy, and then queasy again. I tighten my fingers around the armrest, barely able to keep myself from squirming right out of the seat.

“We can handle this, Ari.” Dash reaches across but hesitates before touching my knee.

Five minutes ago, I was so angry at him trying to tell me what to do. Trapping me. I put my hand on his, pressing it against my leg.

He’s right, I’m not thinking straight. I’m in reaction mode. Only once in my life have I felt so utterly helpless and terrified. I want to crawl into his lap and cry.

I look out the window at the familiar scenery of my neighborhood. The fresh, cool air blowing through my hair helps me focus. I’m taking deep breaths. Inhaling. Exhaling. But the town I had just become familiar with seems toxic and hostile.

I shake my head, trying to dislodge the dank feeling that’s settled over me, but I can’t shake it.

“Dash...” I turn to look at him. I’m not sure what I’m going to say but a single word comes to mind. “Thanks.”

He knew that no matter how he prevented me from leaving his house could push me over the edge, but I have to appreciate that his first thought was for my son’s safety. He stalled me long enough to see reason, even if it’s still a bit cloudy, and in the end, he gave me enough space to meet him halfway.

Dash parks in front of the daycare, and I immediately reach for the doorhandle, but again he grabs my arm.

“Don’t hate me for asking this, but do you have any makeup wipes?”

Huh? I realize what he must be talking about and flip the visor down to look in the mirror. I hadn’t put on much makeup earlier, but I have smudges of brown eyeliner around my eyes and up to my temple.

A laugh bursts from my mouth. “Oh my god.”

I open the glove compartment and frantically search for an old travel pack of baby wipes under everything else I’ve stuffed inside. There are two left, and they’re partially dried out, but they work well enough to scrub the errant makeup from my face.

Dash laughs. “That’s better.” He opens his door and hops out of the car, meeting me in front and taking my hand.

After the aide brings Holden out to the front office, I leave Dash with Holden for a moment to chat with Sarah, the director.

“Something came up, and I just wanted to make sure no one else has called about Holden or if anyone has noticed a strange guy hanging around.”

“No, no one’s been in that I know of,” she says, sounding a little surprised that I’m asking. “But I’ll be sure to let you know if anyone does. Is there something we should be aware of?”

“An old boyfriend called me today. He’s pretty volatile, and I’m just...” I tap my fingers against my thigh.

“Oh, that would be stressful. We can make a note in his file, but you know we try to be vigilant and would only release him to you or someone you’ve approved.” She types something into her computer. “It looks like you’ve added Leigh Holm and Ernest ‘Dash’ Hardt. Do you want to make any changes?”

“No, no, leave them on the record.” I make a mental note to discuss this with Leigh as well.

She nods, and types something else. “I’ve also made a note to verify ID anytime someone picks him up. We won’t let anyone past the office, and the doors beyond here are automatically locked to prevent entry without a staff badge.”

“Thanks, Sarah.” I turn to head back to Holden and Dash, but my anxiety is relentless. “Also, is there any way you could add Dash as an emergency contact? If you can’t get ahold of me for some reason?”

“Yes, of course.” She hands me a clipboard with an emergency contact sheet, and I quickly fill in Dash’s information, checking my phone three times so I’m sure I have the number right.

When I return to the lobby, Dash and Holden are standing at the window, pointing at cars as they drive past.

I kiss Holden on the cheek, then look up at Dash. “I hope you don’t mind, but I added you as an emergency contact in case something happens while he’s here and they can’t get ahold of me. I know you’ll be at work, but—”

Dash puts a hand on my shoulder. “Fortunately, I’m pretty sure Talon and Bax would be more upset if I didn’t take a call about Holden while I’m at work. They’ll understand, and we’ll get through this.”

Here I am, putting things into a man’s hands. A man I’ve only known a couple of months. Part of me still wants to be suspicious and overly cautious, but my gut trusts him emphatically.

I can’t help but lean into him. I need his strength, and I know he knows it. “I’m sorry.”

He squeezes my shoulder. “Don’t be sorry. Just get through this, and we’ll all be fine.”

As we leave the building, a small twinge of paranoia crosses my mind again. I give Dash a sideways glance as we walk back to the car.

“What?” he asks.

I wait for him to get Holden strapped into the car and close the back door.

“I’m just trying to figure all of this out. Wondering how much he knows. How he got my number. What am I supposed to tell Leigh? Don’t have anyone in or out of your house and keep the doors locked at all times when he’s there? And—” My throat clenches. “There are too many variables.”

“And we’ll work out whatever needs done to keep you and Holden safe.” He kisses my forehead, and I stare up into his eyes.

His reassurance is almost enough for me to believe that.