Until Arden

Chapter 12

Arden

Astrangesmellfills my nose when I wake, and slowly, I remember I’m in Dash’s bed. I roll to the side to feel for Holden, but the bed is empty. I jump to my feet so fast I get tangled in the sheet and almost crash into Dash’s dresser.

Then my ears pick up on the faint sound of Holden giggling in the next room. Last night, although he’d been exhausted after running around the yard with Talon’s kids and Timber, he was so excited about their impromptu playdate, I almost couldn’t get him to go to sleep.

Holden laughs again as I reach for the doorknob. I try to be silent as I ease the door open and peek around the corner.

Holden sits on his knees in the middle of the couch, then hops toward Dash who catches him and lifts him in the air, before plopping him back down on the couch.

“Wee!” Holden laughs, and Dash leans over, putting a finger to his lips, and whispering something. Holden still giggles. A tear sneaks down my face at the sight of them together. They look so natural.

Yesterday, all I could think about was running as far away from Shane as possible to protect my son. I couldn’t think of all the things I’d be robbing from him. Watching Dash and Holden play tugs at my heart, but something about it also hurts.

The uncertainty of a man I’ve only known a few months playing such a huge role in our lives is terrifying. I try to remind myself that these are moments to be cherished, no matter what the future holds.

I take a step back, terrified I’m going to interrupt their fun, but Holden is still giggling, and Dash is laughing right along with him. I straighten my clothes and fix my hair before heading out to join them.

As soon as I step through the doorway, Dash’s eyes lock on me. “Morning.”

I lift my chin and plaster on a smile. “Sounds like you two are having a blast.”

“Sorry,” he chuckles, deflecting another playful attack from Holden. “I tried.”

He looks down at Holden, and the sight of his smile makes my whole body hurt, like my insides are slowly turning to mush. Everything after yesterday’s phone call passed in a blur. By the time Jax and Nico escorted the three of us to my house to pack up a few things we’d need, my brain was too far gone to recognize what I already had right in front of me.

Dash says something to Holden that I can’t quite catch, then rises to his feet, smooths down the wrinkled shirt he’d slept in, and heads toward me.

I can’t breathe.

Everything I want to say is trapped in my throat.

I want to ask him how he feels about Holden, and I want to know if he’s sure he’s in this with us. I want to know if he’s strong enough.

All these thoughts tumble around my head until I feel like I’m going to explode.

But then I look into Dash’s eyes, and I don’t see any confusion.

I see confidence.

I see love.

He puts a warm hand on my shoulder and kisses my temple. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to get out of my jammies.”

“Of course,” I say without thinking.

With a wink, he ducks behind me into the bedroom, leaving me alone with my son.

“Mommy?”

I snap back to the present. “Yes, honey?”

Holden hops down from the couch and runs over to me. “I’m hungry.”

“Okay, buddy, we’ll have breakfast soon.” Of course my son’s biggest concern is food. I’m pretty sure he was that way long before he was born. And right now, because of Dash talking me down, bringing in reinforcements, and always making sure Holden is having fun and distracted when we’re talking about the matter at hand, he’s been protected. Far more so than if I’d gone with my initial gut instinct and ran.

Now that I’ve had a little more time to process it all, running was probably what Shane wanted me to do. I keep seeing his last text appear in my mind. After that, everything I tried to send came back with a failed delivery message. Jax said he was probably using burner phones and likely decided to ditch it.

Yet another dead-end road.

Dash brushes my shoulder again as he passes us and heads to the bathroom to change, so I take the opportunity to commandeer his bedroom to get myself and Holden ready.

When we return, Dash is waiting for us at the long kitchen island. He leans against the counter, arms crossed, his eyes roaming over me. “You two like pancakes?”

“Yeah,” Holden shouts, throwing his arms in the air and skipping through the kitchen. When he sees Timber through the window, he heads straight for his spot in front of the sliding doors to play hide-and-seek with her through the glass.

Dash flicks a knob on the stove, then grabs a pan from the rack on the wall and adds a bit of butter. Then, he places his palms on the counter and leans forward, his eyes on me again. “How are you doing today?”

I give him a noncommittal shrug. “Still recovering, but I think I made one decision.”

“What’s that?” He lifts his eyebrows.

“I’m going to stop letting anyone else have control over my life and my decisions.” I can feel my heartbeat pulsing in my throat. “It’s time to stop running and start living.”

A slow grin lights up Dash’s face. “I like the sound of that.”

“When I was trying to get to sleep, I realized that, despite all the counseling and miles I tried to put between myself and Shane, he’s still had a voice in everything I do.” I tap my temple with my index finger. “I looked for reasons not to like or trust you because of him, and that wasn’t fair.”