Her eyes follow me when I get up from the bed. “Could you grab me some crackers? I’d get them, but Logan would have my ass.” We both laugh. “I’m supposed to eat when I take my meds and the pain is creeping back in.”
I lean over and kiss her cheek, then stand back up. “Sure thing. Anything else?”
“Ask Logan to bring Luna up here to me. I want her with me when I sleep.”
I nod and smile. “I’ll be right back.”
When I walk downstairs, the guys are in the living room watching soccer on the big, flat-screen TV. I chuckle when I hear Tegan mumble a few curses at one of the players. I grab a pack of saltines out of the pantry and decide to get Minnie a bottled water as well.
I’m at the fridge when I see something flash out the corner of my eye. Frowning, I walk to the window above the sink and peer outside. The light flashes again over by the shed, and I’m just getting ready to call for Tegan when a second later a familiar head of brown hair appears around the side. My jaw clenches when Bryan turns his head and I see his face clearly.
I’m so fucking stupid. I know I am. I’m like one of those idiot girls in movies that ignores the threat and their instincts and walks out into the night when they hear a noise and they end up hurt, or worse, dead. This is my brother, and I still don’t want to believe he would hurt me, even if he has in the past. I keep telling myself to turn around and get Tegan, but my feet carry me to the back door instead.
I look behind me, part of me hoping Tegan walks in, part hoping he doesn’t, and open it slowly so it doesn’t make a noise. The sun is going down, but there’s still plenty of light for me to see the bright white shirt Bryan is wearing before he disappears around the corner.
Anger, worry, and sadness war inside me as I slowly walk over to the shed. When I make it to the spot I last saw him, he’s not there. I walk around to the other side and still don’t find him.
“Bryan,” I whisper, and get nothing in return. I look across the backyard, but again see nothing.
I’m just about to go back inside and tell Tegan Bryan was here, when a hand clamps over my mouth and an arm around my middle, and I’m being dragged backwards behind the shed. Startled, I start screaming, but his palm muffles it too much for anyone to hear. Fear slithers down my spine, and I start to shake and claw at his arm.
“Shh…” he whispers in my ear.
I dig my nails into his forearm.
“Fuck!” he whisper shouts, then hisses, “Calm the fuck down.”
I stop struggling and fall limp, hoping he’ll drop his arm. He doesn’t and instead drops his forehead against the back of my neck. His heavy breathing meets my ears.
“Is she okay?” His question is so low and hoarse, I barely hear him.
I hesitate, then give a reluctant nod. My eyes dart back and forth, trying to figure a way out of this. He hasn’t hurt me yet, but that doesn’t mean he won’t.
“I swear to fucking Christ, I never meant to hurt her, Lo.”
Suddenly pissed, and not really caring about his intentions, I yank on his arm. The move shocks him enough that I get free. I spin around and pin him with my glare.
“Then you shouldn’t have fucking come here,” I snarl. “You’ve done nothing but hurt her over and over again. Me and her both. You’re a selfish bastard.”
His face drops, and it’s then I take in his appearance. He looks worse than the last time I saw him. His hair is so greasy it looks like it hasn’t been washed in months. His eyes have black rings around them and are sunken. His skin is pasty looking and his cheeks are hollow. His clothes hang off his frame because he’s lost so much weight. He looks like a skeleton walking. So much pain hits my chest at the look of him.
When he lifts his eyes to me, they are bloodshot. “I’m sorry, Lo. I’m so fucking sorry.” He takes a step closer to me, and I move back one. His eyes harden slightly. “Just give me the fucking watches, and I’ll leave.”
I straighten my spine. “No,” I tell him, just like I’ve told him every other time he’s asked.
He reaches out and grabs my wrist. “I want those watches. You know Dad wanted me to have them.”
I yank my arm, but his hold is relentless and it only causes me pain. “Not if you’re going to sell them to buy your damn drugs. He’d be so ashamed of you right now, Bryan.”
Pain flashes in his eyes, before they narrow and his hand around my wrist tightens. “What I do with them is none of your damn business.”
“You’re hurting me, Bryan. Let go, or I’ll scream. My boyfriend and Logan are inside and they’ll hear. You don’t want them to find you here,” I warn.
“You are a fucking bitch,” he growls, spit flying from his mouth and landing on our arms.
“And you need fucking help,” I snarl back at him.
We have a standoff, both glaring at the other. He finally lets my arm go by slinging it away from him. He turns, and at first I think he’s going to run off. He takes a few steps away, then drops his head and digs his hands into his hair, gripping the strands tightly. All I can do is stand there and watch him warily. I should take the opportunity to run back to the house and get Tegan, but my feet are stuck to the ground. My love for the broken man in front of me is still too strong. The pain of seeing him in this condition has me rooted in place.
My heart breaks even more when he drops to a squat and wraps his arms over his head. His narrow shoulders shake. I stand there helplessly, unsure of how to help him. I’ve tried so hard in the past, but he never let me. I don’t know what else to do for him, but I can’t turn my back and walk away. I did that when I left Texas, and it nearly destroyed me. I can’t do it again.
He falls to his butt, but keeps his legs bent and his head buried in his arms. What were silent sobs become louder, and I worry Tegan and Logan will hear. And if either of them hear, there’s no telling what they’ll do to him.
I walk over to Bryan slowly. Seeing him so defeated and broken is one of the worst things I’ve ever witnessed. I get down on my knees behind him and reach out with shaky hands to place them on his back. My touch startles him and he jerks, but he doesn’t lift his head. Gently, I wrap my arms around his chest and rest my cheek on the top of his head. Tears slip down my cheeks and drop in his oily hair. He starts rocking back and forth, causing me to rock with him.
My tears come faster and harder. This is the first time in years that I’ve touched my brother in a loving manner. I’ve missed his hugs. He used to be the stronger of the two of us. When we were little and I had nightmares, he’d let me crawl into bed with him so he could comfort me. I can’t count how many times he cheered me up when I hurt myself. When Mr. Aggy, my pet hamster, died, it was him that made me smile again. He was always there for me when I needed him. When our dad died, I tried being there for him, but he wouldn’t let me. It hurt that he wouldn’t let me return the love he’s always shown me.